Guys are like port-o-potties. All the good ones are taken and all the bad ones are full of crap! -Anonymous

Im a palm reader : Gasp! You'll die, but don't worry. You'll live through it.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" -Homer J. Simpson

On top of a pickle relish jar: I relish the thought of meeting your buns.

"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." -Anonymous

Every 10 seconds a woman is giving birth, she must be found and stoped

"Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it the present."

"treat everyone the same, till you find out there an idiot"

Do I give my friends advice? Jesus, no. They wouldn't take advice from me. Nobody should take advice from me. I haven't got a clue about anything..

" i had the whole world in my hands but i gave it away"

"lets toast till we die"

"i never need to see the sun again, there enough light in your eyes to light up all the world"

There is a light at the end of every tunnel....just pray it's not a train!.