Well its been awhile sense i have written in this journal for all 2 of you how have read this iam sorry, it has taken so long. to follow up on my (bad day) story the doctors have giving me some really bad news it turns out that i may have ALS this is a real slow death sentence with unreal pain involved. So to all my union mates iam truely sorry if i don't always write in the unions board its just some days my hands don't work so well, and in the comming months, years it will get worest. I have found comfort in writing about one of my favorite things (video) games, rumors,cheats,what ever it just kind of helps ya know take some of the pain away, (keeps my mind of it) so until my doctors really tell me that i have ALS i will just call it pain, so i thank you all for being here to listen to me rant and i will see you in the boards.

Today is buy far the crappest days i have had for i can't remember when. As stated by my first entry Iam disabled and had no income coming in and just living off my wife. I feel like a bum,loser, sponge... how ever one would wan't to i went and applied for SSDI or what ever its called because my body was/is breakin down around me. I hope that me writing this does not bumb anyone out or dislike it i just need to get this out. Back in 1994 I hurt my back, during work I was young and and foolish I took what the company gave me to leave my job, however i got alittle better and with some (hard) wark later on i went and had a pretty good life marrage,children, the works i even had a good jab again fast forward to 1999 and out went my right shoulder they called it thorasic outlet symdrom (TOS) and something called pars defect which means that a part of my spine is/was breakin away, sounds nice huh. I was told to find different line of work,so as scared as i was (just turning 30) i went into school i already a love of history and milatary history that i felt that maybe teaching was for me ( i was a jerk in high school i was a stoner who did not give a f#%k about anything. In the 2001 December is the month my son and i were playing football outside and i bent over to pick up the ball and would you not know it but my back went out so bad that i could not move, bend myself up into a straight position.

This is were it gets to the bummer of my life, sumer of 02 in June i have my first sugery what is called Spondy (by the people of have it) the surgery goes something like this They cut me open by my hip this is to give my blowen out disc a spacer in it then cuts down my back to finish the job, now i have a "Cage". I know that a lot of people have done every year, nonetheless, it did not help remember now i still have to go to school raise children and evereything, and my back pain turns into all out pain all the time 24/7 365 how ever you want to call it aand i fought many nights with my wife about work i would just take my pain killers and work/school,work,school... so many pain killers i felt like Elvis or Bret Favre to this day i take quite a few pain killers any way it was it I came to understand yhat i could not work anymore. My doctor agreed and i aplied for SSDI and the whole 9 yards 120 days of being so poor we had to go to food pantrys and the like,and we find out that i was denied,hurts but i was told that almost everybody gets denied the first time. So i do what i think is right and i appealed it because my doctor toled my that she have had other people with way less problems then me and get it. So long story short, with the help of my doctor (she writes many letters on my behave)and a nother 120 days later with many people telling me that its a slam dunk i should gets it for shure. Many documents that state that iam disabled and now my pain and many aliments that are increasing (my wife and sister who is a nurse belive that i have ALS) i find out that my appeal was...denied. My world is shattered, i told my doctor today the bad news and you know what.. she calls me back on her privite phone to tell me to appeal again this time with a lawyer, which is what i did calle dhim today,with a meeting next Wed, so who knows maybe i will win this time. Anyway i would like to thank everyone who yook the time to read this, and iam sorry to anyone who read this and thought bad because I did not talk about games, i just really needed to get this out so thank you and good night from Wisconsin.

Madtwn.

This is my first entry in any type of journal, i once did one way back in middle school . So how did it come to be here in gamespot and not some other on-line journal, well its kind of long and it gets boring in some spots. 1. I love playing games you lose yourself in them. I have been playing video games when Ronald Reagen was in office,right down the street from my house was a video game arcade. It all changed from there all my money went into that place. Defender, tempest,Pac-man Donkey Kong...you get the point. All the time at the arcade so needless to say i never did graduate. Well a Marriage and 6 children later, i find my self with a fair amount of time on my hands due to a my being disabled and can not work. I now play vids for the hand excise,maybe i wil write more about it at a later time. Now i did get my H.S.ED. and have taken many college courses, and maybe just maybe i could finish my schooling with a degree in game design. Well this was a quick overview to tell you about my little life anyway .

see ya soon.