I am tired, but I must go on. The shore is still within sight, just out of reach. I force myself to keep swimming, at the same time cursing myself for my foolishness. I meant only to go a short distance out, but the current was strong and unpredictable, drawing me out further than I expected.
As I struggle, proudly, vainly, uselessly trying to match my strength against the unforgiving might of the ocean, I see others, drawn by the pull of the tide, some of them, like me, fighting against for all their worth. But others go willingly, or else unknowingly into the rough and dangerous seas beyond, some even swimming with the current, venturing recklessly into the unknown.
After an unknowable time battling the ocean, being drawn ever further from the now distant shore, I lose my purpose. I no longer have the strength, or the will, to keep fighting what I know is a losing battle. Rather than hold on, and prolong my torment, I stop resiting, and finally give in to the pull of the unrelenting, merciless tide.
I realise too late what an error of judgement I have made, for this is worse, so far worse than anything in that initial struggle, and I have neither chance nor hope of going back. This is surely death, or hell, or something beyond. But just as it seems all is lost, darkness falls, and I am plunged into merciful, blissfull oblivion.
I wake on an unfamiliar shore, tired, broken, and defeated. How long it has been since I arrived on this strange shore is unknown. The place is forbidding and hostile, there are no signs of life. Even the harsh grey sky seems to echo what the future holds in store for me in this dismal place. After many days lying stranded on this distant shore, I decide to venture into the bleak and barren desert beyond.
To my great astonishment, before I have even gone more than a few steps, I find myself in a veritable oasis, teeming with life, and beckoning with the lure of excitement and secrets. But I remain supsicious of this vibrant place, and with a building sense of unease, I press on. Even when I finally stumble upon the friendly, welcoming inhabitants of this land, I distrust them, despite their openness and familiarity.
As I grow more used to this place and settle into the community, I realise that it can never be my home. At first, the people are friendly, but this increases my sense of loneliness. I become withdrawn and secluded, and the others keep their distance from me, ignoring me as much as I distrust them.
One day, the montony of my lonely existance is broken. A stranger has arrived, though to me he seems all too familiar. He has travelled from a distant land, arriving in a boat on the shores of the ocean which hold me here. The others show nothing but vague curiosity about this news, but I have a burning desire to return with him to the land across the sea.
The journey is short, lengthened only by my anxiousness to be home. I am welcomed with open arms by my friends of long ago. I am relieved, my dreams fulfilled, but there is something wrong, some dark shadow creeping into the deepest corners of my mind. And then I realise my worst fears, I have been changed by my travels to the other place, and I no longer here in my home.
Doubt and terror are drawing ever closer, but I do not despair, for I know what I must do. I devote myself and everything I have to building a boat of my own, nothing else is important, not friends, or pleasure, not even time. Once my work is complete, I travel once more to the strange land across the sea. I am welcomed back once again, and this time I am more trusting of the people here. This time the feeling of friendship runs both ways. But even as I hope for a happy future here, I realise that it can never be.
After many more journeys across the sea, I realise the truth. In both of these places, I will always fit in, and be welcomed by friends. But I will never truly belong, even though they accept me, I cannot bring myself to accept them, or to ever truly trust myself. In the end, I have mastered nothing but the ocean, which defeated me so long ago.
The tides of change wash away my soul.