Fears

Many think it's easy. Many search for something with no idea exactly what to expect. Overestimate all that when I do not see any reason for great pride and personal satisfaction. Though I must confess: when younger, I dreamed with all that is happening to me today.

Better if I knew, in those days, which there is really nothing much at all, or even more, knowing that would truly get to live what I considered a dream, but in the form of ordinary reality, neither here nor there, though somewhat more there than here.

The speed got me in a way that I could not provide. After all, it was fast, the forecast becomes an adjuvant. Along with this, the preparation also stayed away from hitting point. Without preparation, it becomes even more complex. The appeal generated by the shouts of crazed fans is something impossible to explain. How many were lost at this stage? What prevents me from walking the same suicide path? Or even, where will I get the strength to live with all this so as not to lose me? I do not know, just know that I know. Perhaps my upbringing has been the key, or my maturation process, the fact is that seduction is finding a shell that I could not imagine having, but absorbed the full impact has generated very unpleasant effects, which now need to win in an epic battle of one person.

I believe that almost all human complex are caused by fear. Fear sets a lot, greatly affect any human being. Today, I'm afraid. Although no one knows, although I see it as a safe person, this fear is something in my life. Fighting him is like hitting smoke or entering the Sheldon in an attempt to blow up his opponent's head with only a mental thing. Fear not knock on the door, does not warn that is coming and much less retires when prompted. Face the fear with attitudes and self-knowledge, starting from the first step, the confession of fear. I'm not ashamed to have him, moreover, would probably not share it boastful and arrogant, with a view everything that is happening in my life. Shouting security and emotional stability would be not only a liar, as a coward. And probably the first step towards ruin.

Not sure why writted this text. I'm at the airport awaiting my flight. I have no intention of publishing it, perhaps just a lone outburst, a way to make clear to myself, there's no fame, money or enough pleasure to handle their emotional stability. Rather, these are the key ingredients to a dysfunctional and dangerous life. I'm on top of everything and only now realize that, even in a smaller scale, involving all the artistic life really. I thought it was very easy.

Fear comes from the anxiety, insecurity, panic failure. But inside the package can also note the desire to prove to myself that I am able, though, I confess again, sometimes I get so violent in questioning this capacity. A whirlwind of emotions present in anyone who has lived on stage and based on his life in art, now elevated to the thousandth power. I can not say that all this will end, because was from the mouth of Fernanda Montenegro which I heard that there is no real actor who does not feel nervous before going on stage, unless the arrogant. I take my fears, I take my insecurities and promise myself that, whatever the challenge, these symptoms will never leave my mind and body control enough to make me not have the strength to overcome them. The artistic courage and commitment will get louder, always.

"Life is a play that does not allow testing" - Charles Chaplin.