Hello folks! Wow, thank you all for the great comments on my final blog post from before I left. I didn't have a chance to read them before I left, but I have had a chance to read them since. Needless to say, some of you will be punished severely for your impertinence upon my return to the U.S. Others will be rewarded in a suitably royal and generous manner. Well, I am now a married man. It is a slightly odd feeling that I am still adjusting to. I don't feel quite as different as I thought that I would, though that may have something to do with the fact that I was living with the woman I married for nearly three years before I married her. I will go into more detail about my trip upon my return, but in the meantime, I thought I'd post some very quick thoughts about what's happened to me while I've been away. The ChiliDragon is here with me and will no doubt smack me if I say anything too personal, so consider this the T for Teen rated version rather than the much funner M for Mature rated version. Sweden 1. Chili's family was great I admit that they were overwhelming. There is something very frustrating with having to be on your best behavior before nearly twenty extremely nice and courteous strangers for nearly a week before one of the most important events in your life. It would sure have been nice to be allowed the luxury of being an a-hole or losing my temper or just somehow not being a model citizen 24 hours a day seven days a week leading up to this monumental event. In other words, it would have been nice to blow off some steam. But sadly or perhaps fortunately, Chili's family never gave me sufficient opportunity. They were nice and welcoming and sweet. It is a wonderful gift to be joining their family. On the other hand, they have a truly aggravating sense of humor at times. (More on that at a later date.) 2. The wedding itself was nowhere near as stressful as everyone portrays it as being. It is an odd feeling when you're the one getting married and you're the calmest person in the room. Everyone looks at you a bit funny. I got more "are you sure you're aware of what you're getting yourself into" style hints and glances in a week than I've gotten since I started dating this hot, loose, b****y girl in high school. *gets smacked by the new wife* 3. Swedish wedding receptions are long. VERY LONG. I've experienced weddings American style before. Several of them, for both old people and young people. I've never been at a wedding reception that went on for over seven hours before. Those were seven extremely long hours. Remember earlier comments about having to be on your best behavior in front of new family members? I inherited my mother's patience unfortunately. But I maintain that seven and a half hours is a very, very long reception. 4. On the other hand, that was some damn good food. Although, what's with the dill and onions that Swedes feel are part of the four main food groups?

5. And whomever heard of putting a lemon in a rum and coke?

6. After the reception, Chili and I went to our room together and we proceeded to *CENSORED* and then we *CENSORED* and after that we *CENSORED* and of course we didn't forget to *CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED*. And then we slept. Spain 1. Wow it is beautiful here. The weather is shockingly nice. I could get used to this if not for one tiny little detail... 2. Nobody speaks English. I don't mean nobody speaks good English. I mean nobody speaks any English. I mean that even the people who work in the tourist information office in the international airport doesn't speak it. The bus drivers don't speak it. The bus station ticketing agency doesn't speak it. The hotel staff barely speaks it. The police certainly don't speak it...and that became a big problem later on during our stay here. More on that in a minute. 3. I've long thought that the description on movies and games with regards to nudity is inadequate. In my opinion, these warning labels should include some description of the nudity involved. I don't think any of my readers will argue that they would much rather see Chili's naked boobs than my excessively hairy hindparts. I mean, who wouldn't? But when I got to the Spanish beaches, my first reaction was Holy Beautiful Bouncing Boobies Batman! Yes, that's right. Americans know, or many know at least, intellectually, that Europeans do not have quite the same taboos against nakedness that we sheltered Americans have. Naked boobies everywhere around the pools and on the beaches. Fortunately, the Spanish people seem to be a bit more self-aware than Americans. I've been to American nude beaches, and you get some decidedly bad naked to go with the good naked. Not so here in Spain. The topless that you see here is all good naked. More on this subject when I get back home. 4. This is a very, very, very, very loud country. I'm from America. We invented loud. Actually, I think the Greeks invented it when they invented parties, but we Americans perfected it. (USA! USA! USA!) At least that is what I always thought. I was wrong. Spaniards are louder and their cities are noisier than anywhere I've ever been. And I've been to New York, Chicago and Los Angeles. 5. Lost passports and green cards are a large issue. Yes, that last note brings us up to the current situation that Chili and I have. Chili has either lost or had stolen her wallet that contained her driver's license, her green card, and her passport. This is a huge issue in a country where nobody speaks a damn word of the most important and widely used language in the modern world. Fortunately, through consultation with the local Swedish Consulate (Very helpful) and American Consulate (Bunch of rat f*****g bastards), we've managed to secure a temporary passport that will at least get her to be able to come with me back to Stockholm on our return path, and that is where we are stuck. The U.S. Department of Homeland Security will not accept a temporary passport to get her into the country. We're going to try and get a new permanent passport for her in Stockholm, but she may be a bit delayed coming back home with me. Stay tuned and wish us well.