I have decided that as a way to keep things moving on my blog, I am going to start a new "Stupidest People in the World" segment a couple of times each week. I read a lot of news beyond simply the latest gaming news. I am reminded of the quote from Denzel Washington in "Training Day". This is a newspaper. It is 90% bull****. But it is entertaining bull***. That's why I read it. It entertains me. You won't let me read it. So you entertain me with your bull****. When you get right down to it, the man was right. So I am going to start cherry-picking things that I find funny as hell and putting my take on the blog every once in a while. Since this is my first try at this, I figured I would go for low hanging fruit and pick on the U.S. Senator that represents me from my state, my very own right honorable Senator Larry Craig, R-Idaho. For those of you who don't follow Idaho news, which has to be approximately 99.9999% of the world's population, our boy Larry recently admitted to pleading guilty to a misdemeanor crime of Disorderly Conduct in the Minneapolis Airport bathroom. This was a plea bargain sort of deal where he pleaded guilty to a lesser charge to avoid prosecution on the larger issues, which was lewd conduct. Back in June, Larry apparently got a little frisky in his stall. He did the following things: 1. Stared intently through the crack in the neighboring stall at the man in there for a couple of minutes (who happens to be an undercover police officer investigating complaints that the airport bathroom in question is being used for public sex between men) 2. Went into the stall next door and put his bag in front of him to block visibility into the stall 3. Reached his foot under the stall wall to rub against the foot of the man in the next stall over (the police officer) 4. Reached with his hand underneath the stall 5. According to the arrest report, tapped his foot in a "signal often used by persons communicating a desire to engage in sexual conduct." These activities are apparently bathroom code that signals a desire to engage in sex. The officer arrested him. At that point, Larry presented his U.S. Senate credentials and said "what do you think of that?" The police officer apparently thought little enough of it to drag him down to the police station and book him. Fast forward to a couple of days ago, and this little story has finally broken in the news. Calls of hypocrisy are flying right and left in the media, because Senator Craig is one of the leading voices in the U.S. against gay rights. But this isn't what I am interested in investigating at the moment. First and foremost, I was ignorant of these admittedly creepy activities being a coded signal of a desire for sex. Why hasn't Bozanimal covered this in his two part bathroom etiquette segment? But more importantly, how in the world did Senator Larry Craig's speechwriter get his job with the staggering amount of stupidity displayed in his press conference after the story broke. Allow me to list a couple of examples. 1. "Thank you all very much for coming out here today." Generally speaking, opening a press conference to shoot down rumors that an avowed heterosexual man and opponent of gay rights just attempted to engage in airport bathroom nookie with a sentence that contains the words "coming out" in it isn't a good idea. 2. "Let me be clear: I am not gay I never have been gay followed quickly by..."I wasn't eager to share this failure, but I should have anyway -- because I am not gay!" Anyone who knows anything about writing for public speaking is that the first thing you do is never, ever, continually put two words so closely together repeatedly when you are trying to dispel the notion that they are related to each other. Other famous examples include "I am not a crook." by Richard Nixon and, of course, everyone's all time favorite "I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky." Either Senator Craig didn't bother consulting a speechwriter, the speechwriter didn't know this cardinal rule, or Senator Craig didn't listen. 3. "a wide stance when going to the bathroom." This wasn't in the press conference, but I have to toss it in there. Comedians can go for weeks with the phrase "wide stance". It is particularly bad timing right before the start of college football season here in the U.S. I'm eagerly awaiting the first time some smart *** sports announcer says something like..."John Johnson is a great offensive lineman. He has the potential to be an All-American this year. I mean, look at that wide stance he has at the line of scrimmage while blocking. Speaking of wide stances...have you heard about Senator Larry Craig?" 4. "While I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct at the Minneapolis airport or anywhere else, I chose to plead guilty to a lesser charge in hopes of making it go away," Seriously, you are a U.S. Senator and you really think that something like this is going to go away indefinitely? You really think that something this funny isn't going to be found out eventually? Senator Larry Craig and Senator Larry Craig's speechwriter, you are the first ever official winners of Jim's "Stupidest People in the World" award.