The beginning of the new year made me remember a lot of things I used to do.

I used to watch a lot of tv shows.

I used to spend a few ours a day in this site.

I used to post a blog every few days or so.

I used to read at least a few of my friends blogs.

I used to wait every new episode with a great impatience.

I used to....

Things had changed. I had changed too. Now I watch only two or three shows, I visit this site about once a month or so and for the last year I had post only two blogs here. The main reason for that is I don't have much time. I still read some of my friends' blogs but a lot of them are not posting anymore too. There is some of them I haven't heard from for months.This is what really makes me sad. Usually I like changes but that is not a pleasant one.

Just felt like sharing!

See you,

Desi

Hey, guys!

I haven't been here for a while. Miss you! I also miss all the shows I used to watch and stopped for some reason. Some of them got canceled, some of them just took a turn that is not really my type... Happy to say that a couple of weeks ago I found a new show that got my attention. It had ended long time ago but I just found it and I really liked it. I am talking about Queer as folk (US). It's really a great show. Pity I don't get to watch all the episodes in the right order but I am handling it somehow.

I also started to watch True blood but I am still not really into it.I like the main story but some of the side stories are a bit too much for me. H2O is a really nice show, I am waiting for the third season. Fairy-tales are so my kind and mermaids are one of my favorites. I also like Everwood for the human connections it shows.

Now maybe it's time for me to mention the shows I abandoned. First of them is Without a trace. I heard it had ended this year but I actually stopped watching after season 5. I just didn't like it anymore. The second one, I think, is CSI. After the main character Grissom left... I can't imagine it. Haven't watch CSI: Miami for a while too, but maybe I will make it up sometime. I think that are the most significant of the shows I abandoned. Goodbye to them, wish them luck!

Maybe these days I will have time to write something more personal like what is going in my life these days. By then I wish you great time!

Desi

HAPPY NEW YEAR to everybody! I hope you all have a nice party! I wish you all of your dreams to come true in the new 2009! I am busy, my exams are starting but I will try to write more soon! See you!

Hey, guys!

Today is my 2 year anniversary here! :D I couldn't believe it so much time had passed!

This is just a short blog to say that I am still here and I haven't forgotten you. I am just so busy with my two jobs and my lectures at the Uni I don't have time to show up here often. I am really sorry about that. But there is nothing really interesting about me. I hope I will time to write more soon! Have a nice day!

See you!

Desi

Hey, guys!

It's been a long time since the last time I have been here! I've got a new job and I am so busy with it and my studies in the university that I don't have time for almost anything else. But it's Easter now and I am having a little vacation. I am working now in a bookkeeper's office. I like the job. It's only part time so I could visit my lectures in the uni. I am really happy with it!

But I am not happy with my old boyfriends. For the last month I spoke with three of my ex-boyfriends and they all shocked me, hurt me, disappointed me or something like that. The first one, who I was with four years ago told me that he wants me to hug him when he comes back(he is abroad right now) and I am not sure from where he did get that idea...:? The second one, who I broke up with about three years ago, told me that he is in love with me and he is sending me poems and insulting me in the same time. Where the hell he was three years ago when I had a really bad crush on him?:shock: And the third one has got a new girlfriend and is avoiding me right now. I was thinking we were friends - we had a really nice talks and spend some time together, not much, you know, just a nice chat from time to time.:roll: Okay, I am starting to think that boys are from another planet! A girl could have only problems with them. Maybe this is going to sound ridiculous but I am very seriously considering trying with a girl next time. The only problem seems to be that I have never fall in love with a girl...:roll:

Hope to see you soon!

Love,

Desi

Happy New Year!

I wish you to have the best year, guys!

My exams are starting now but I will write more soon!

Have fun!

Love,

Desi

These days something happened and it made me think about some things. There is that boy I have been with about three years ago. We actually never had a real relationship, more like friends with benefits. But an year later I was a little bit disappointed from him I met another boy and we started dating. It lasts eight months. But we remained friends with the other boy(without the benefits). He is a good person, I just don't accept some of his conceptions about the girls and relationships. After I broke up with my ex he started to hints me that he wants to resume our previous relations. Last week he told me that he fell in love with me. At first I was thinking that he wanted just to sleep with me but then I realized that he maybe really had some feelings toward me. I couldn't believe it. Three years ago Ireally had a crush onhim but now... It was so confusing. And the most confusing part is that right now I have the same friendship with benefits with my ex. What a mess! A few months ago a boy told me that I make all the boys think that Ilike them. Now I am looking for somebody new in my life, I definitely need a change.These no-strings-attached relationships gets on my nerves. They are useful when you don't have a constant relationship but sometimes the complications from them are a very big price to pay. Sometimes I had the feeling that all the boys came from a different planet. I just don't understand them.

And in the mean time I need to write a few papers for the university. I don't know how I am going to write them all in time. And one of them is almost twice longer than the usual. And the worse part is that I don't feel like writing any of them. I feel ashamed from myself!

Hey, guys!

I was thinking about writing some news about how my term is going but I changed my mind. All I will say is that it is hard. I don't feel like writing more about that right now.

Only the lonely
Know the way I feel tonight
Only the lonely
Know this feeling ain't right

That's from Roy Orbison's song "Only The Lonely" and I feel the same way these days. I feel like I never have been so alone before. I haven't heard my best friend for about two months, my room-mate is so busy with her work and when she get back from there she is usually bringing her boyfriend with her and they are very tired so I don't have the opportunity to speak with them. And most of my friends are at their Universities so there is nobody left at home. So the only social contacts I have are with my fellow-students but.... Okay, lets say that I am not very good in communicating with them. I just couldn't find topics to speak with them and I am tired of speaking for lectures, professors and that sort of things. I need somebody to give mean advice what should I do with my emotions, somebody to speak with normally, seriously and without thinking if I am interesting to him/her. Actually that's my biggest problem in the communication - I am so afraid of being boring that I am really getting boring and I am saying so stupid things sometimes... I think that actually my fellow-students, or at least these I spend more time with - my room-mate and two other girls(especially one of them probably, she is the most clever from them and the oldest in the group),think that I am stupid and infantile but the truth is that I am not. I just want to get attention. I know that sometimes I am acting like a child but that's because I don't know what to say or what to do. I feel like I am from another universe and I don't belong to their world. I am getting depressed, I need a friend. I feel like I am going to explode!

See you soon,

Desi

Okay, I think that I am getting crazy. My ex-boyfriend just got back from USA where he spend the summer. We spend together a few hours and we had sex.:shock: I couldn't believe it. Where I lost my mind? Yeah, I haven't been with anybody for a while but.... I have never thought that I could do that. Right now I hate myself.

And now something else:

I just learned who is the father of the baby of Sam Spade(Without a trace) and I so much disappointed so I am not planning to watch it anymore. And if Jorja Fox leaves CSI I won't watch this show too. Two of my favorite show are probably gone for me.... :cry: :cry: :cry: Not feeling good!

Please Jorja, stay!

I felt like writing something these days but as many times before I didn't know what to write. Most of the people here are busy with the start of the new season but I will see the premiereslater and I still have some time to wait so I didn't feel like writing about that. I thought about a few other topics but none of them was... suitable. So I start thinking for something new. And then I realized that I could never think of something new, something original. I am just not that type of a person. I love to write, not only blogs and fanfics but also some stories and other things but the truth is that I always get the idea from somewhere, I just make it better(on my own opinion) and add some other things. Actually I usually get a few ideas and make a new one. That's not bad but... I wish it was different. I have an imagination. I know it because it saved me from the loneliness so many times in the past and in the present. I think that I started imaging things when I was somewhere about four or five years old. I was lying in my small bed and I was dreaming to be a fairy. Sometimes I still do that. Maybe the most people will think that I am crazy for believing in fairies and elves and some other things but... I feel them like old friends of mine. But when I want to write something about all these things in my head.... somehow the words are now enough, not suitable. Everything I could think of is unoriginal, written before, silly and I feel like I am killing them.

I remember the first time I read a book on my own. I was about seven years old and I read a trivial fairytale but it wasn't the thing that impress me. It was the way the letters turned into pictures and a story just in front of my eyes. I always wanted I could do that too. But I couldn't. I know words and I feel hem in the books I read but I couldn't taste them in my own writings - the bitter-sweet taste of the verbs, the salty taste of the adjectives, the metal taste of the nouns.... Every book, story or just a piece of writing had his own taste, his own life but not mine. I couldn't feel them. Why I could see them in my imagination but I couldn't feel them when I write them on paper?