i have a tattoo on my upper left arm that has to go!! it is initials in japanese, so no one knows what it says but me. (and my spouse) they asked if it was this person's initials because they knew how tight we were before we hooked up. it was nothing more than friendship, but they got me through an awful time in my life. i like to get tattoos for some reason, and i went with one of my girlfriends so she could get a tattoo fixed and when i was there i decided i wanted to get a small one--i did this at a whim, and the person's whose initials they are didn't even know what it was. my spouse works with this person and knows them pretty well. it's my policy to not lie, and if you don't really want to know the answer, don't ask the question.

anyway, needless to say it has been a bit of a sore spot for the spouse. i guess i can understand that since it is in a place that can be seen all the time. i decided it's time for it to go, but becuase of the location and size it is going to be hard to cover up. i don't want to look like some thug with this huge tat on my arm, and i want to be able to cover it up with my sleeve if need be. i'm having a real hard time deciding what to do to cover it. i'm going tuesday to get it done since i don't have class and the spouse took off from work. they were really thrilled when i told em i was going to do it. told me i didn't have to do it, but i see the look on their face every time they look at my arm, and i'd hate to think about the thoughts that go through the mind at intimate times. so, i was thinking about getting a tiger holding a tiger cub in her mouth. i could use the black lettering that is already there for the stripes on the tiger's back, and wouldn't have to make the tattoo that much bigger if i did it that way. i was going to have the tiger's head facing down my arm, and i could have the tail wrap around the top of my shoulder kind of onto my chest. i thought that by having a tiger cub in her mouth it would give it more of a feminie touch.

anyone have any other ideas? i know it's hard to give input when you can't see the original tat, but my time is running out! so, hhhheeeeeellllppppppp!!!!!!

i'm a member of several unions--2 i am very involved in. i'm the leader of one union(kind of my default---the former leader stepped down due to lack of member involvement, after it had only been formed like 2 weeks) and the other i'm just a recruit, but i'm hoping to be chosen as the next officer. the officer contest is ending today so i should find out in the next few days.

the union i am a leader of has only 48 members but is growing slowly. it is about a topic that is not something that i'm too into, but didn't want to let the former leader down. it has taken a bit of research on my part to get new topics, and is rpg based which i'm not too into. the rpg was just restarted this week. i had talked to one of my friends about stepping down so i could devote more time to the other union, but was encouraged to keep it for the time being. i told the former leader he could have the position back when he felt like things in his life had calmed down. well, he asked to become leader again yesterday. i have mixed feelings about this now. i have put alot of work into making the union what it is now. i've made a lot of bulletin/story, etc entries and made the majority of the thread topics. now that the union is doing so well and is built up he wants it. i made the union what it is today and now he wants to take credit for it.

on the other hand, i love my other union so much more. it is more active (and it was formed about the same time as the other), has more topics that i like to talk about, and i have a lot of friends there. like i said earlier, i had already mentioned stepping down from the other union, and i told my kid that if i did make officer at this union i was going to do it. i just didn't realize i would have such mixed feelings about it when the time came. i think it's mainly because the old leader asked for it back after i built it up, and he quit after such a short time--like he thought a union became great on it's on. if i do hand it back over i can not put the amt of effort into the union as i was. i will still post and be active, but it will be up to him to keep it going. i'm not going to do all the work and he get all the credit. he thinks now that he posted the rpg back(at my request) that he should be the leader.

well, i've gotten that off my chest, and i guess i'll just wait to see if i'm chosen officer before i make the final decision. it's just i'm not the kind of person to give up on something--i give things i do my all. tune in later for my decision.......

i was thinking about upgrading to gamespot complete, but am not sure if it's worth my money. if anyone out there has complete can you tell me what advantages you see to having it?

well, my first day of college was yesterday. things have changed so much since i was in 8 yrs ago. i had to pay $400 for books for 2 classes. and i have to buy a $100 calculator. (i think i'll just use my fingers-lol). i had homework the first day-like 100 algebra problems. gee thanks!

i got my new van yesterday too! i love it. i went and got a tv for it so the kids would have something to do on trips. and i can play games on it too!

spouse is still acting stupid. hasn't talked to me in 4 days, but when i got to school wants to page me with the "i love you" page we send. please--afraid i might meet someone at school are you? when i came home from my first class i had a 4 hr space till my next class so we went and got my van. we had lunch. i thought we might be getting somewhere. after i went to my last class and came home again we went to the store to get the tv and other stuff for the van. they started their crap up again--what a jerk..

i have decided that i'm not going to follow that stupidness up any more. i wouldn't fight back-i just said that i am doing something positive for my life and i'm not going to lower myself down following up bs. yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life, and i intend for it to be very positive. the way i feel is, if you want to add something positive to my life, by all means, stand by my side. (i'm not standing behind any more) if you don't have something positive to add----well, you got to go. i can't put into words the look of shock on their face--it was priceless! i shut the door, finished my hw, and had a very pleasant night(even if i did sleep in the other room)!

ok, first i know this is going to be a ramble session, but if i don't get this out somewhere i am going to blow up! i am sooo sick of my spouse. i don't ask for a whole lot of things, not jewerly, clothes, expensive things, etc. i can get most of what i want on my own, and i do. and most of what i do buy is for everyone else in this house-i put myself last, and i don't mind that. but everyone once in a while when i do ask for something you would think you'd want to help out. my kids go to a school about 45 mins from where we live-they use their dad's address. my spouse has two jobs because they are a workaholic. the main job is with the dept of corrections--they are a captain and i guess after dealing with inmates for 20 yrs you get this sort of nasty air about you. i understand that because i worked there for 5 yrs. the second job is with a fast food resturant--a manager, and has been there over 20 yrs on and off. both of the jobs are on the side of town where the kids go to school. so i ask if they can arrange to either take the kids or pick them up so i don't have to be in the car for over 3 hrs taxi cabbing them all day. i get a "i'll see what i can do" which means hell no. i'm not saying they are "bad" people, actually they do a whole lot of nice things for everyone. just can never find time to help me out a bit. i all but kiss thier a@@ which is very unlike me, and i'm sick of it! i mean hell, all you have to do is go to work and come home. i cook, clean, take care of the kids, run your errands, get up with you at 3am to get your uniform together, polish your boots and make your coffee. your dinner is waiting on you when you come home, etc. i'm tired of being last, and i almost feel like it would be easier to do all this by myself-especially knowing there is someone here that just won't do anything. and now, because i got a little (ook a lot upset, but my last few weeks have been hell, and i need a break) you haven't talked to me in a day in a half. like i care! i am really thinking about leaving. it's getting where the love is not enough anymore. i'm not a slave and my needs are few-a little time, love and respect is not a lot to ask! you know, i'm getting my retirement check next week from working the prison for 5 years. $7000 after taxes is a pretty good chunk of change. i might just take that and start over. might as well clean the entire slate---going back to school, getting a new job, might as well get a new house too!

ok, i'm done. i thought i'd feel better than this. maybe i need a drink. i don't drink, but now seems like a good time to start. either that or i'm going to knock the sheet out of someone, and i am not a violent person. aaarrrgghhhh!!!!

well, monday is the big day! it seems the closer it gets, the more scared i become. i'm not sure why i am so scared-it's not like i haven't been to college before. maybe it's just because it's been almost 8 yrs and i'm a lot older now, with more responsibility(and 2 kids). i'm hoping to buy my books on half.com so i can save alot of money, but since they won't post the books i need online i will have to wait until my first classes to see what i need. by then it may be too much of a wait to get them online. guess i'll just have to wait and see. all i remember is i hated biology lab 9 years ago, so i know it is really going to suck this time around! ok- be more positive! it's all good. guess i have to go buy my bookbag and other school supplies this weekend. man, that sounds so wierd! ok, got that off my chest so i feel a little better now. have to go get the kids from school now. be back later--

after my weekend i was so sure my week would have to be better. i woke up early (4am) to get the spouse off to work and got the entire house cleaned in record time(and it was a wreck!) i thought maybe i deserved to do something for myself for a change, and had wanted to get FFVII so i could replay it again for some time. i went to EB and talked to one of my friends that works there. i took some games to trade in for store credit and told him i would be in next week to buy my PSP. he hooked me up as usual-instead of getting $5 for my trades he did something in his computer with other promotions and turned it into $25 store credit to put on my PSP. he had a $90 memory stick i need for my games, music downloads, etc for the PSP that was preowned so after my card discount i can get it for $70. i thought, hmmm maybe things are turning around for me. i bought FFVII and couldn't wait to have some me time to play it. i did buy it preowned but it came directly from the EB main office and things are usually as good as new when they come in from there. i put it in the ps2 and everything was looking good. i pressed the button to start a new game and..........nothing. i was so ticked. i had to get back in my car (and waste $2.52 gallon gas) to go see danny again. he was so apologetic(i think that's spelled wrong)! he went behind the counter and handed me a brand new game and said see ya! i insisted on paying though-i don't want to mess up his bottem line in these hard times (even if if was only a $3 difference). we haggled a bit about it, he finally accepted my payment after i told him he hooks me up all the time(and he really does), and i went back home. almost afraid to put the first disc in, i started my system, and bam---i started playing FFVII after wanting to for so long. the good part, my game is working. the bad, by the time i got it up my spouse came home from work and i had to turn it off to make dinner and spend "quality time with the spouse".

and by the way, why is it when i'm watching a basketball game being played on the ps2 it's quality time, but when i play one of my games it's not? i guess that falls under the double standards of marriage rule! well, i must be off the FF is calling me, and the spouse coming home count down is ticking fast!

i hope to never re-live my past weekend! my brother in law was taken to the hospital and had emergency surgery-we were very close to losing him due to an infection (that he had ignored for several weeks). he had an abcess that was the size of a grapefruit in his abdomen, and now he has a open hole that size that will have to heal from the inside out and be packed twice a day (which is very painful), because he didn't want to go to the MD. WHAT AN IDIOT! due to this i had my 3 year old nephew who destroyed my house and drove me insane. the good thing about that is he cured me from wanting another baby. it's amazing how you forget how time consuming little ones are when your kids get a little older! then on top of that i found viruses on my computer--see my other journal entry.

i am soooo glad that the new week is here. my brother in law is home, my nephew is gone, my computer is fixed, and my kids are back in school. now i just have to re gain my house--will probably take me all day to do, but it's all good!

the only problem now--i keep saying "do you need to potty?" in my sleep!!

the end of last week i noticed i was getting all these stupid pop ups, i had all kinds of things running in the background on the close program window and my computer crashed every 2 seconds (that's why i wasn't online this weekend). i had a virus scan program on my system -norton-but i couldn't get anything worked out. i bought the mcafee scan and went into shock last night! i had 11-YES 11-viruses on my computer. i was real glad my kids were at their dads last night or i might be in county jail this morning. the scan was great because it picked up on adware, spyware too. i had over 1107 infected files between everything. it took me over 2 hours to do the scan and clean my system. i have never experienced anything like this in my life. my 10 year old took up with the computer a lot this summer. she goes to paperdollheaven all the time. i've talked with a lot of parents whose kids go there and hadn't heard of any problems-until i did the scan. several of the viruses (trojans, worms, etc) originated from the site- BEWARE--if anyone out there knows anyone that goes to paperdollheaven.com pleases warn them.

i was thinking about getting a psp in a couple of weeks--any input good or bad?