ok, first i know this is going to be a ramble session, but if i don't get this out somewhere i am going to blow up! i am sooo sick of my spouse. i don't ask for a whole lot of things, not jewerly, clothes, expensive things, etc. i can get most of what i want on my own, and i do. and most of what i do buy is for everyone else in this house-i put myself last, and i don't mind that. but everyone once in a while when i do ask for something you would think you'd want to help out. my kids go to a school about 45 mins from where we live-they use their dad's address. my spouse has two jobs because they are a workaholic. the main job is with the dept of corrections--they are a captain and i guess after dealing with inmates for 20 yrs you get this sort of nasty air about you. i understand that because i worked there for 5 yrs. the second job is with a fast food resturant--a manager, and has been there over 20 yrs on and off. both of the jobs are on the side of town where the kids go to school. so i ask if they can arrange to either take the kids or pick them up so i don't have to be in the car for over 3 hrs taxi cabbing them all day. i get a "i'll see what i can do" which means hell no. i'm not saying they are "bad" people, actually they do a whole lot of nice things for everyone. just can never find time to help me out a bit. i all but kiss thier a@@ which is very unlike me, and i'm sick of it! i mean hell, all you have to do is go to work and come home. i cook, clean, take care of the kids, run your errands, get up with you at 3am to get your uniform together, polish your boots and make your coffee. your dinner is waiting on you when you come home, etc. i'm tired of being last, and i almost feel like it would be easier to do all this by myself-especially knowing there is someone here that just won't do anything. and now, because i got a little (ook a lot upset, but my last few weeks have been hell, and i need a break) you haven't talked to me in a day in a half. like i care! i am really thinking about leaving. it's getting where the love is not enough anymore. i'm not a slave and my needs are few-a little time, love and respect is not a lot to ask! you know, i'm getting my retirement check next week from working the prison for 5 years. $7000 after taxes is a pretty good chunk of change. i might just take that and start over. might as well clean the entire slate---going back to school, getting a new job, might as well get a new house too!

ok, i'm done. i thought i'd feel better than this. maybe i need a drink. i don't drink, but now seems like a good time to start. either that or i'm going to knock the sheet out of someone, and i am not a violent person. aaarrrgghhhh!!!!