...listening to dangerous music again, fell into a hole after finishing the novel, very unhealthy mood...feeling the darkness, seeking, longing for it, Robert Burton, Friedrich Holderlin...the melancholy in its final stage isn-t anything about
emotional imbalance; it is rather about the knowledge that nothing can take away the cold from your heart. It is the knowledge about the inevitability of what is ahead...one should not fight but embrace it. Yet, it is a private matter and none shall speak about that. "The rest, is silence..."