Loathe as I am to give free advertising to any company, even if in a negative fashion, I feel compelled to write about the multiple, deplorable, commercials aired by Burger King since 2008:

The BK mascot (usually a real person wearing a mask and costume) is 'creepy' on a par with circus clowns terrifying toddlers. Not being a toddler, I find the appearance of the mascot in odd situations (e.g., seen in a bedroom hovering over a sleeping man) to be mind-numbingly frightening, appalling, eerie, and . . . well, you can pull out your thesaurus and find your own synonyms!

But, for the past year or so, BK has run ads that go beyond merely raising goosebumps. BK has shown moms in an SUV attempting to run over the mascot (which, I heartily applaud on a personal level, but deplore on a practical level, because I know that some idiot is going to attempt to imitate it, not to mention that it sends a very bad signal to children that, as long as mom is doing it, it's okay to commit attempted homicide). The latest commercial shows a couple at a BK drive-thru window finishing their order, when, suddenly, their car is struck from behind and pushed out of the way by a reckless driver who 'simply' wants to order, and is not patient enough to wait his turn. Does this country, much less world, need another road rager?

I know that the teens who watch these commercials chuckle with glee, but I am concerned that they feel it is acceptable behavior (most of them think that faux-wrestling and Hannah Montana are real, and that the likes of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are positive role models), and will try to imitate it (there have already been incidents of road rage and assaults and battery at drive-thrus, so car-ramming will just be another in a slew of the de-evolution of manners, if not intelligence).

I have to wonder what is going through the obviously adolescent minds of the advertisers' producers, much less those at the upper-echelons of BK who approved such ads. I know that you're thinking,'Well, it got you to pay attention, didn't it?' But, what good is that attention if all it accomplished was my avoiding BK - - one of my favorite fast-food eateries - - altogether as a form of protest, however meaningless it is, except to BK's competitors, of course!

As the worst set of commercials on the air, I would beg Burger King to fire the production company for even suggesting the repulsive mascot and absurd ads; I would further ask shareholders to oust the entire Board for approving them.

And, in case you're wondering, complaints sent to BK via the USPS have gone unanswered, but please feel free to write your own missive to:

Burger King Corporate HQ
5505 Blue Lagoon Drive
Miami, FL 33126

ADDENDUM 1: The latest BK commercial, which I first saw on April 28, 2008, shows a driver leaping out of his moving car to get a new BK sandwich. The unmanned car keeps rolling through the BK parking lot, eventually crashing into a parked car. Wonderful imagery living up (or is it down? ) to BK's current deplorable advertising standards.

ADDENDUM 2: In conjunction with the latest "Indiana Jones" flick,
Burger King has created a tie-in website called "bkindy.com".
Now, most folks might interpret that as
"Burger King - Indy (short for Indiana)".
However, in light of this blog's premise, I'd like to suggest
that it more appropriately spells out "Be Kind . . . Why???"

ADDENDUM 3: The current BK commercial shows some rap star doing something for BK (you may have noticed that I no longer pay too much attention to the details of any BK commercial anymore!), which causes people to rush into the fast food joint, crushing everything in their path. Wow! Whodathunk that rap promotes violence? Peace out, yo!

ADDENDUM 4: It only just occurred to me that the vast majority of the people acting like morons in the BK commercials are white males. Just imagine the uproar if the mascot being run over were black, or if a black driver tried to run over the white BK mascot, or a black crashed his car into the rear of another vehicle. The only non-white who was involved in any of the aforementioned absurd actions, was a black, female, passenger in the "mom" car. However, she doesn't count, since she wasn't in control of the vehicle. The black rapper in Addendum 3, above, wasn't directly the cause of any mayhem, so he doesn't count, either.

ADDENDUM 5: (Aug 14, 2008 ) I have noticed that BK has not had a "violent" ad in the last month or so. If it continues its "good" behavior for one year as of last month (July 1, 2008 ), then I will deign to resume gracing their "castles" with my presence! Such is the "holy grail" I have tasked upon thee, Burger King! Doest thou take the gauntlet and bear thyself to the righteous path? Methinkst not!

ADDENDUM 6: (Sept 9, 2008 ) Today, BK saw fit to run new ads showing their creepy mascot nearly being run down while trying to put money into people's pockets (it's like a pickpocket in reverse; sort of like Robin Hood, minus the dignity). So, per ADDENDUM 5, above, the new target date is August 1, 2009, but, quite frankly, I'm getting tired of writing these ADDENDUM's, especially as I seriously doubt that BK will ever live up to its self-annointed, kingly, role, so this will be the last one, which means, unfortunately, that I will never enjoy BK ever again. Oh, well! Who's up for Arby's or McD's or Shoney's or . . . (get it, BK? There are PLENTY of alternatives out there!)

ADDENDUM 7: (Nov 3, 2008 ) BK now has a white male wandering into a busy street oblivious to all but his BK meal. Imagine the hilarity of the havoc he wreaks. Great lesson for the kiddies, eh? (that's extreme sarcasm, in case anyone missed it!)

ADDENDUM 8: (April 24, 2009) BK commercials now show hotties in hot-pants "dancing" to a parody of the (in?)famous rap song, "Baby Got Back", where "I like big butts..." becomes "I like square butts..." in conjunction with something having to do with the wildly popular kiddie show, "Sponge Bob Square Pants". Get it? SQUARE butts with SQUARE Pants? Oh, how the jocularity of the juxtaposition of girls having square-shaped derrieres just makes me want to run out and get a hamburger! Or not. Seriously, BK! What is going through your mind when you come up with these ads? Or are you only researching them using 14 year old boys? (or, worse, are the ads being produced by a 14 year old boy???) Search the 'net! Nobody thinks your ads are amusing in the slightest, and I suspect the only ones laughing all the way to the bank are the agencies you hired to come up with such lame excuses for commercials! Are you THAT desperate to disenfranchise (ironic choice of words, eh?) EVERYONE???

P.S. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I have been enjoying your competitor's menus for over a year, now (refer to Addendum 1).