Game Over, the sign that no gamer wants to see- an indication of failure. A sign that usually comes with death or slight humility. Now in many games a game over is no big deal, infact it usually is not the appropriate term; the game is not usually over. Mostly you are given the chance to start from a save point or a check point or simply just continue, usually the reason for a game over is some simple mistake- a slight reactions mess up or a just one silly decision. Every now and then a game over is just that, that game is over- you have ruined it; there is no way you made a mistake and you are being deservedly punished. This happened to me recently whilst enjoying a quick bout of Empire: Total War. This quick bout did not end up in the failure that is the usual game over, the one that leaves you with slight humiliation; the one I experienced was of the epic variety.

Epic failure does not end up in your run of the mill humiliation, it ends in total and utter humiliation; a kind which is almost impossible. I am the only person I know to have got a game over in a total war game, to get this game over you need to pretty much destroy your country and that is hard. Very hard. To do that you need to be a total idiot with no common sense at all or somebody who finds it very amusing to wage war on everybody whilst crippling your own country, needless to say I was the latter. The game started with a simple conquest of France, I had a small army which was basically non existant so I decided to take France for the hell of it. The first step was to capture there port and then move onto Paris. My battle plan was thus...

Invade Paris from space. Unfortunately that was impossible in the game I was playing so I went the more conventional route, start at the top and work down. Unfortunately apparently that takes time, you cant just invade straight away, there's some turn based nonsense which meant France has a turn as well and France were not happy. In my turn I had blockaded the French port with my limited number of ships and the French attacked them, which was way harsh! After that point it was downhill all the way, my ships were just cowards, you get a few cannonballs in you and decide to run away- this is war. Admitedly my naval tactics were awful, every ship attack that small one. Sadly the French had more ships than me so their big ships just destroyed mine. Actually that's a lie- they were about to destroy mine so my ships ran away, bad times! So with loss at sea leaving me fuming victory on land was needed.

Something everybody should know, invading Paris is harder than it looks. A few men with muskets can never win against large guns and horses, Paris would never be mine. This left me angry so I took out my anger on my citizens, I taxed them to hell, tax on all cla**es to full. This was not enough for me, I started sacking my cabinet and when the government became unpopular due to rediculous tax I held an election and made it so that the new government carried on the tax. However it turns out Ireland doesn't like tax, they started to complain so I decided to torch all there buldings, these buldings were of course mine because I own Ireland. My next mistake was succumbing to pyromania, burning stuff is fun, really fun. I torched pretty much all my buildings, bad move when you are at war with France. Wait did I only mention France, apparently France has alot of allies and Spain doesnt like me attacking it. Also Austria gets annoyed when there leaders start disapearing mysteriously- don't you love secret assassinations! But I felt a bit unfufilled because Austria didn't know it was me, I then realised I could declare war with any country I wanted without actually attacking them, also I could threaten them all through the wonder of politics. Yes, I declared war on almost every country on the map. This was silly of me, I had no way of making troops thanks to my pyromania with every building and also, my troops were very limited due to continued quests for Paris.

It was at this point that my country decided to revolt against the government, here is what it must have looked like...

It was at the point of revolution that I made another awufl decision, side with the government or the rebels. I thought let's take down the oppressive death star that is my leadership and ally myself with the rebels (a rebel alliance so to speak). Siding with the rebels ment attacking my own troops, the few trips I had left, my only defence from every country in the world who hated me. The rebels won and I was victorious but I now had no troops and no facilities to build them, there was only one way to sort this out. Continued taxation would be a bad choice because that is what caused the revolution but, I did need money. Taxation needed to stay at full. This angered Ireland. I accidently recreated history and Ireland declared there own independance, even my own countries were against me. At this point failure still looked unlikely for me, I could claw this back if I played sensibly, then I remembered I had troops in Austria. I decided to take Austria, I failed. Then people started to attack me, my ships were being destroyed all the time and in the end my last ship decided to turn to the pirate life. There was nothing left but to take back Ireland! Sadly whilst taking back Ireland I suffered another revolution, this time I sided with the government and I was crushed. Defeated by my own citizens and faced with game over. I think you oculd never call this game over accidental, a slight mistake. There was definate intent and the game over was final, I have been sufficiently mocked and told to never lead a country. So if you ever want to know how to destroy a country, don't hesitate to ask.

Thanks,

Stephenage!