Free roaming sandbox worlds. Experience-based leveling structures. Cursing at incompetent teammates in Elvish. All of these are common elements in today's video game landscape, yet long before gamers were hopping around like idiots to level up in Oblivion, gamers were killing goblins by the truck load using a twenty-sided die. I speak, of course, of pen-and-paper games like Dungeons & Dragons, which due to their inherently freeform nature are able to provide moments of entertainment exceeding even the most awe inspring video game due to the virtual medium's inherent coded barriers.

It is with this unnecessary pomp in mind that I share with you all quite possibly the single most ridiculous moment I have ever experienced in any game, be it with a die or a controller in my hand.

The scenario:

In a D&D 3.5 campaign of a friend's design, my party members (a cleric, a barbarian/ranger, and a mage) and I (a bard/crystal hunter [custom class designed by the DM]) enter a tower in search of a particular artifact when we encounter a demon of classic design, with long horns, red skin, and a generally snarky disposition. The demon is standing atop a large pile of human skulls stacked in the center of the chamber. Combat naturally ensues.

After several rounds of back and forth, including toasting the barbarian with a fireball to destroy a host of demon decoys, my character runs up to the bone pile the demon is standing on and casts Ironthunder Horn in an attempt to jostle the monster from his perch. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. After another snarky comment from the demon, I indicate that my character, Rogan, undoes his fly and takes a piss on the bone pile, just to show the demon that he's not scared of him.

On the following initiative pass, the demon, now invisible goes first, and drops down next to Rogan and attacks him with his claws and teeth. Rogan, going second, attempts to attack the demon back with a luck blade (a weapon with a special luck attribute). Unfortunately, I roll a 1, a critical failure. Using the luck attribute, I take my alotted once-a-day reroll, rewind time Prince of Persia-style, and attack again. Once again, I roll a 1. God damn it.

At this point the demon makes another snarky comment, at which point I counter by jokingly saying that "I slap the demon with my dick."

I had no intention of actually having Rogan doing so, but the DM egged me on and had me roll a jump check. I roll a success, and Rogan jumps to the precise height required. The DM then says that I can roll to attempt the cock-slap, but that the only way I could possibly succeed is by rolling a natural twenty. D20 in hand, I roll the die.

"I rolled a twenty."

The entire roomful of players immediately explodes into laughter as Rogan manages to pop the demon across its invisible face with his junk after the DM failed the percentile roll that would have allowed the invisibility effect to allow him to avoid the attack. The attack doesn't damage the demons HP, but its dignity is thoroughly shattered. A legend is born.

Yeah, try doing that in WoW sometime. :D