"I am ready for whatever's coming. I expect nothing but to be let down or turned away. I am alone. Goddamn. The **** hurts sometimes, but I realize what I am, what I have become. The alien man waved his arms up and down and noticed that he couldn't wave in the right language so he stopped. " - Henry Rollins

I haven't had a journal entry for a while, but that's not to say there's nothing going on in my life. The last month or so everything has come crashing down. Both of my roommates told me that they are moving out, and since I own my house and they help pay a nice portion of the mortgage ... well, I'll be eating Ramen until I can find somebody else to live with. One of my best friends' wife got a job in Illinois, so they're moving there (I live in Oregon). And this weekend my girlfriend broke up with me.

So, basically, my entire social circle is leaving me and I won't have any money. Great. Some of these events have been in the works for a while and I was prepared for, but both the second roommate leaving and the girlfriend thing were a complete surprise. It's a bit of a system shock and in a couple months when the roommates and friend and actually gone I just don't know what I'll do. I'm not the most outgoing person, so making friends isn't a small thing for me. I haven't lived alone for a LONG time, and I assume I'll be spending A LOT of time at the dog park (thankfully it opens back up on weeknights now). But aside from that I won't be seeing anybody but family. It just sucks.

As for the girlfriend, I was completely shocked that she quit on me with no warning whatsoever. Still, I'm not really that torn up about it. The reason she gave, which is absolutely true, is that we're complete opposites in almost every sense and she got tired of the differences. Fine enough. But no warning that things were going wrong or that she was thinking that way was pretty pathetic on her part. Plus between the two of us I felt like I was bending MUCH more trying to accomodate her lifestyle. So in a way it's a relief ... because the more I thought about our future the more questions I had. So I guess it was inevitable, and we're both old enough that there's no use wasting time dating just for the experience of it. And I can finally go back to eating steak whenever I want. Yeah!

Er, well, I COULD eat steak whenever I wanted, if I had any money...... ;-)