It all started last January 17 after watching "The Dillema" in the movie theatres. We were having coffee after the movie when for some reason we ended up talking about being fit. Naturally, I ended up being the center of the whole discussion. I haven't been actually really fit. I'm over weight and I've known this for quite a while now (duh!). Sadly, I haven't done anything about it. Enter "The Bet".

It began when one of my friends said that he'll stop smoking if I start being healthy and eating right. I was stupid enough to take the bait. You see, he's a heavy smoker. This is the guy who tried quitting before but it didn't last 12 hours. He was jittery, nervous and just plain annoyed at everything during that attemp. He ended up withdrawing badly. So I thought to myself why not? I got nothing to lose.

Long story short, I have a huge advantage on him. Or so I thought. Before I go on any further, I need to explain what is the bet. The goal is for me to lose weight and in return gain muscles. For him, he has to gain weight and quit smoking. Whoever has the most transformation done in 3 months time wins. So what is at stake? Well, my friends who were with me that night were debating on what should be the prize. They all came up with different ideas, there was talk about money which is $200 in cash and the loser treats the whole group in a fancy restaurant but it ultimately boiled down to the Nintendo 3DS. I think the reason for that was both of us were interested in it and knowing that it cost a lot, we'll take this bet seriously. To top that, one of my close friends post it on her Tumblr account. So now, it's a written and verbal contract. This should be interesting.

It's been one and a half month since then. I thought it was going to be easy but it's actually hard. I've manage to at least change my diet. It used to be I'll eat even if I'm not hungry but this time I actually eat less. Having said this, it's not actually me going vegetarian but more on portioning my food. I actually felt better when I started doing that.

I started eating a lot of protein and lessen my carbohydrate intake. So basically, more chicken and fish with less or no rice at all. However, I'm still bad when it comes to eating out. It's not like I eat out a lot, it's more like when my friends and I hang out then I end up eating. That's almost every week I hang out with them. And when you hang out with 95% women, I end up eating even if I don't want to. They say it makes them look bad when they order. Women and their figures...

I also started working out. It used to be that I'll do it once in a while, like 3 days a week or less but now I do it almost everyday. It's usually home workout. I have weights at home and whenever I get the chance I go to a fitness center with a friend. He taught me how to lift weights properly and just basically motivate me. First time I went with him to a gym to do weight lifting, I felt that I didn't belong there. It was pretty intimidating of course. I never felt so out of shape in my entire life. I guess you could say that it motivated me even more. I started working out my chest and back but then switch to shoulders and arms because he told me that it's a lot faster to develop. I did that and I'm actually happy that I'm seeing a bit of result. Right now, I'll take anything.

Am I going to win the bet? Well I'm not sure. I have at least a month left and that's a short time. But you know what? I'm just going to do my best and hopefully the "judges" make the right choice.

Remember the New Years goal that I set up a month ago? Well, I'm halfway done. I manage to play the games that was on that list. I even finish most of them. In addition to this, I manage to watch and marathon my current asian movie collection in one week. There's still some left but that's at least one movie per day! I say I'm making good time in regards to that. And of course, no school means time to pick up some shifts. I'm slowly transitioning to role of a student to being a workaholic which is actually fine for me because that was Goal 3. However, I actually haven't really applied for a position as a Practical Nurse. Right now, I'm back to my old job which is fine. I know these things take time but I've been dragging it for a while now.

I'm also planning on going back to school part time. I'll be taking prerequisites for the RN program as I work my way through. I know that I'm not going to be stuck as an LPN forever because I get bored easily. I need some constant challenge I guess. Maybe I like punishing myself? Either way, I know that it's not going to be the end of the road for me. As long as I live, I guess I'll keep pushing myself.

I also manage to save up a bit. It's good to have a bit of spending money and savings at the same time. I'm glad that I'm finally back on track when it comes down to my finances. You can say that I'm actually okay now. Having a girlfriend or school for that matter really screwed me over. Now, I can finally breathe. Self centered much? Maybe, but I like seeing my wallet fat...again.

Saving up also meant that I can finally travel. That's if I can actually get a vacation and if people are free. That's hopefully the plan in the long run. I've always planned on going somewhere but it never seems to happen due to unforeseen circumstances. Usually financial circumstances but so far I'm good in this department... for now.

Overall, I think I'm accomplishing my goals with each day that passes. I just need to focus a bit more on saving up and finding a job. I know I get lazy at times; that's an understatement, but I'm looking at this as a whole. I accomplished most of it and that's at least something to look on to.

There are video games and THERE ARE VIDEO GAMES. These are my Top Ten Video Games to watch out for this year.

Marvel VS. Capcom 3

It's one of those games that for sure will last longer than intended. Fighting games tend to last longer than your average game because it's easy to get into but hard to master. I'm looking forward to this game because it reminds me of the glory days of the Arcades. I used to play a lot of fighting games in the Arcade including MVC 2. I remember wasting a lot of quarters. You can say that I'm purchasing it because of the nostalgia. This game would be a Day One purchase.

Rage

God knows how long this game was in development. Originally announced in 2007, Rage is an open world first person shooter that manages to integrate vehicle combat. It's much like Fallout but polished in the visual department. Having said this, I've been interested in this game since day one because of the visuals and the story.

The Cursed Crusade

Not is much known about this game because it's still far from being finished. There's at least a gameplay trailer and boy does it look good. It's like Assassins Creed but more extreme in terms of violence. Blood and guts are plenty and would satisfy any hack n slash fans.

LA Noire

A Rockstar game? Nuff said.

Killzone 3

I tried the multiplayer beta recently and it wasn't really bringing anything new on the table. It's fun but I guess I've seen many COD look a like this year. As for the singleplayer I still have hopes for it and that's where I'm going to be spending my next 7 hours. Then maybe I can give the online thing another go.

Crysis 2

Crysis has left a sour taste in my mouth. The game is a resource hog in terms of visuals. It needs to be played on the highest setting as much as possible in order to experience it's beauty. It was only exclusive to the PC a few years back. Still after that, The Graphic Engine holds very well to this day. And I still can't run it on High settings on my current rig due to optimizing issues on the developers part. This is gonna be fun.

Resistance 3

When Resistance was first announce for the PS3 back in the day, I was really excited on it's premise. I know it's another one of those sci fi themed shooters that manages to hit every cliche but this game left a good impression on me. I appreciate unique games, in a sense that it diverges from all the modern shooters out there; the Call of Duty franchise. Although, the second instalment of the series left a bad impression on me; with the cheap deaths and a strong, cheap enemy AI. I'll give the third instalment another go.

Gears of War 3

Epic Games has always delivered on their games. I was not really fond of their work until they released Gears for the 360 4 years ago. It was the first graphic powerhouse during those days. It was amazing to see it in motion. The only thing that really bugged me was the color palette. It was bland...it was brown. Sure the Unreal Engine does impressive job on the lighting and the water effects but it just lacks the color. Thankfully the third game is running on new Unreal Engine which offers better visuals and of course, color. Based on the screenshots and a gameplay trailer during E3 there's going to be plenty of color to go around. Day One purchase for me.

Witcher 2

Witcher is a great game on the PC with over 90 hours of gameplay. It's technically an RPG done right. If not right at least well. It didn't make any compromises in regards to gameplay. It's not a casual RPG where it's simplified. You could say it's a brutal game if you don't have the proper items, weapons etc. Moreover, the moral system of the game is deeply tied in to the story. It's not like there is a good or bad choice, more like a grey area on every scenario. So you don't really know if you're making the "right choice," only your choice matters. And it will affect the story as you go along. Witcher 2 seems to follow on this.

Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception

What can I say? Drake is the new Indie of our time. Well, at least on videogames. What I like about the Uncharted series is the story. I mean, it reminded me of Indiana Jones, which is a positive. I like adventure games with a hint of maturity. No longer I am confined to play a stupid plumber trying to save a certain princess over and over again. Adventure games with great stories often leaves great memories and the Uncharted franchise just did that. I can't wait for its release this November 2011.

1. I only date Asians.

2. Most of the time I'm absent minded.

3. I'm a Boob kinda guy.

4. My first serious relationship was when I was 19. It lasted 6 years.

5. I find every girl cute or hot ever since I became single.

6. I used to be the only Filipino guy in my circle of friends, they're either chinese or vietnamese.

7. I sometimes hate being single.

8. I don't have any white friends.

9. I almost cheated on my Ex when I was in Tokyo.

10. I snore, very loudly.

11. I thought I could still hold my liquor... I can't. I'm getting old.

12. I'm a mass of contradictions.

13. I don't know how to dance.

14. I started going out for coffee. I used to not to.

15. I started running/ jogging at least once a day or on my days off.

16. I started collecting Action Figures...again.

17. I had a crush on my Nursing Instructor. She's 28.

18. I still have a crush on my close friend. I'm having difficulty asking her out.

19. I thought I got my Ex pregnant. You should have seen me panicked.

20. I have 4 PSP's 2 PS2's, 2 Xbox, 3 360's, 1 PS3, 1 Psone, 1 DS lite, 1 PC, 1 Laptop, 1 Netbook, 1 Gamecube, and 1 Wii.

21. One time I worked for 24hrs then got sick for 3 days.

22. I had a bet with my Instructor, get the girl's number or fail his course. I got the number.

23. Instead of asking this Korean nurse for her number, I asked her for her FB. I ended up not finding her.

24. I don't smoke.

25. I worked at Mcdonald's since I was 16.

26. I almost got run over 3 times in one day. Life's out to get me I tells ya...

27. I once wore PINK scrubs to work, just for the heck of it.

28. I lied to my Ex that I had work but I was drinking with the guys.

29. I was late for work because of sex.

30. I have two Master Replica light sabres hanging on my wall. Anakin's and Darth's.

31. I have 14 pairs of shoes? I dunno...I lost count.

32. I once tried not use my PC and Internet for a week. It took two days for me to cave in.

33. I tried dog food once to prove a point to my Ex. I won.

34. I had a stalker when I was in Grade 10. She wasn't hot.

35. I liked 5 girls this year. 3 I asked out. All of them said no.

36. Someone thought I was gay.

37. My room looks like Gamestop and an Anime Shop. It's awesome.

38. I like to say the word "Cool" and "Awesome" coz I am. =)

39. I almost got arrested when I was in highschool. No thanks to my friends back then.

40. I tipped my server $20 at a pub because of her English accent. My Ex was with me.

41. I once ate 10 Mcdonald cheese burgers in one sitting with a friend.

42. I don't like Filipino movies.

43. I once chose a brand new release game over sex. It was GTA IV. God, that game was great!

44. I had an major argument with my Ex and I won. That's a victory right there!

45. I was the youngest in her group of friends. She was the oldest with mine.

46. I failed my Mandarin Class on Lesson 13 in high school. I also fainted on my 13th lap in track practice. Coincidence? I think not!

47. I once woke up crying. I didn't know why.

48. My Ex told on me on my Mom. My Mom then scolded me.

49. I still miss my Ex once in a while.

50. I'm not boyfriend material but husband material according to my friends.

It's funny how everyone has a New Years wish or a resolution. We all know that most of us don't stick with it so why even do it? On the other hand, it's quite entertaining to hear what others say. Some would say they need to lose weight, save up, be a better boyfriend/ girlfriend and etc. My New Years Wish or Resolution would be composed of a couple of goals.

Goal One

Finish a ton of games. I have a lot of video games that I purchased and not even played yet. Assassin's Creed Brotherhood, Metro 2033, Chronicles of Riddick, Force Unleashed 2 and Folklore are all waiting to be opened.

Goal Two

Asian Movies. I need to watch a ton of movies that I bought like years ago. I haven't even opened any of it yet! The heck's wrong with me!?

Goal Three

Gradual Return To Work. Once licensed, I need to apply for a position and be a regular full time at least. I'll take anything though for now.

Goal Four

Going Back To School. I just finished it and I'm ready to go back for round two. I'll take a couple of courses while I work.

Goal Five

Spend a Little, Save a lot. Need to work and save up at the same time. I'm financially screwed because of all of the expenses this year.

Goal Six

Travel Around The World. I want to visit Washington D.C. For it's museums and memorials. I wanna go to South Korea, back to Tokyo again (preferably the country side) and Hong Kong. Las Vegas would be a weekend trip. Oregon for its food. Heard that they have good seafood restaurants there.

I guess THESE are like my main goals for this year.

What I'm trying to say though is that College and University is the "same." In a sense that it lands you a job in the end. I agree though that there is a huge difference between the two. For example, University tends to have a bigger audience than a Community College. Universities is a town within a town, Community College is just like a regular highschool. You get the picture.

I never saw myself going to a University. Apart from being ridiculously expensive, it also revolves around a lot of theory stuff. I'm no good when it comes to theory. I tend to be a visual learner. And we all know that what we learned from school never really applies in real life. I guess what I'm trying to say is going to university is really good if you want to learn theory but a vocational education more is on hands on approach if you want to be prepared for the real world.

Actually, after highschool I decided to apply to several Universities. I ended up not getting in because of my GPA. It was too low. I'm willing to learn but they're not willing to accept me because they follow a certain standard just like any educational body, which is understandable. Community college for me was my savior. They gave me the opportunity to learn and grow. Most of all, it made me feel better about myself. It showed me at least that I can accomplish something. I've never been the brightest in anything that I do. But taking a few courses there made me realize that I still have hope. Of course, nothing is easy especially when it comes to an average guy like me. I had to study hard for any courses that I took. I even dropped a couple ones because the Instructors were idiots. No seriously, they didn't know what they were teaching.

Overall though, Community College suits me better because it was small and the instructors were very passionate of what they teach. I also learned that I don't have to go to a University to be very successful in life. I might not have a degree yet or a masters but I'm definitely on the right track. You never know, I might just end up in a University down the road.

Woke up today and started wondering what would it be like to die. It was hilarious because I was thinking how people would remember me. Would they remember me as the guy who was always there when it matters? Or the guy that always screw things up? Maybe some would even remember me as the guy who never took things seriously.

I don't know why I have this thought but I guess I'm just glad that I wake up every morning. I mean, I've seen people die and it was nothing special. According to what I read, it's a trait of a sociopath; showing no emotions and being just cold about it. Maybe I'm just that comfortable in dying? Death surrounds us everyday and we choose not to do anything about it. The funny part is that we can't do anything about it, it's just inevitable. It doesn't choose age, gender or even what you believe in. When it's our time, it's just our time.

Now, I'm not a religious person. I don't believe that there's a heaven or hell after I die. I guess once I bite the dust, I'll be just another piece of meat on the table waiting to be buried. What I'm most concern about is am I going to die knowing that I've done good in my life. I guess only time will tell. For now, I guess I'll start living and see what happens.

I can't believe it's been almost a year. There were times that I thought this year would never end. Although I'm glad that it's almost over, a lot has happened since then. I've lost and gained friends, cried and laugh repeatedly throughout the year, relieved my highschool days by partying too much and most important of all was finishing school. Right now, I am getting where I want to be.

As I sit here in the nursing station while charting about my patients condition, I realized how distracted I can be. For one thing, blogging and charting at the same time is not really professional. Jokes aside, I just realized how a year can change a person, no matter how insignificant it might be. It was a subtle change that had a huge impact on how I look at life.

As I sit here finishing up the paper work, I realize that the decisions I made in beginning of the year made me glad that I did it. There were several turning points this year that made me who I am today. These are worth mentioning.

The Break Up

One of those changes was moving from a relationship to living a single life. It was a huge change that affected me physically and emotionally. It was one of the hardest decisions that I have made this year so far. Losing the person that was important to me was a really hard moment in that point of time. I started to question myself if I am still competent to make decisions. I was depressed, my grades were steadily declining, and I was an emotional wreck. I was crying like there's not going to be a tomorrow.

It was a typical break up. The begging, the crying and promises to change routine was being pulled left and right by both parties. It was a "pleasant disaster". It was somewhat of a mutual thing. Mutual meaning me dumping her just sounds about right. For the first few months after the break up, it was a roller coaster ride of emotions, which actually sucked. I think I was having my period back then. However, I'm glad that I came out a better person.

A Clean Slate

So yeah, the break up really took a toll on me. I haven't had any strength to move on after that ordeal. I just kept myself busy and promised myself that I'm going to keep fighting on even though I know how painful it can be. There's a saying that goes "we get our chance everyday, but we often choose not to take it". I needed a fresh start and so that's what I did. I surrounded myself with people that are very supportive. My two closest guy friends who were always there for me through thick and thin. My mom, who really took care of me when I was really emotionally broken. Lastly, my school friends who were there to get me into all sorts of trouble. I thank them for at least taking some of my pain away.

Virtual VS Reality

It was also a time where great games came out. Games like Red Dead, Halo Reach, Medal of Honor, COD Black Ops, and several others that kept me occupied. It was a great year for games. Well, so is any other year. The point is, I wouldn't have made it through school if it wasn't for this hobby. I considered it as a form of escape from the day to day activities that I was dealing with during those times.

TV shows were also big this year for me. I downloaded several shows via torrent. The Shows that left a huge impact on me were, The Big Bang Theory, House, The Pacific, CSI, Bones, Nikita and other several shows that I tune into every single waking day. This also included movies that were shown in theatres and the ones that I promptly downloaded via torrent. Of course, they were all Blu Ray quality.

I have to admit that some shows really did leave a huge impression on me. Scrubs was one of them, it thought me that at least you need to inject humor once in a while in the workplace. It was a show that showed me how I can be a decent person. Every single episode had a message relating to the facts of life...my life. Some shows, I just watch for pure entertainment.

Clothes Is What Makes The Man

Shopping for new clothes, shoes and other stuff to beef up my image was on full blast since I became single. I needed the change. I became comfortable in the last six years and eventually lead to neglecting myself. After the break up, I gradually tried to at least change how I look. It was somewhat of a success, thanks to a couple of girls in school. They were a big help in picking the clothes that suit me. After those few tips and trips to the stores, I gradually learned how to shop for what suits me. I was really a total wreck when it came to fashion. For a guy, I guess when it comes to fashion it's pretty normal. In my case though, it wasn't.

Jackets were a big thing for me too. I think overall, I purchased at least ten new ones just this year. Mostly wind breakers, spring wear stuff and a couple of winter jackets. Lately, I realized that they were one of the biggest purchases of the year. Not so much as in terms of my games but you get the point.

For some strange reason, I became fascinated with shoes too. I used to have just three pairs; one work shoes, a runner and my boots for the ever changing Vancouver weather. This time though, I have at least fourteen pairs. In my defense, they were really cheap. I bought most of it down Tulalip near Seattle whenever I had a chance to go down there. Vancouver has limited selections in terms of shoe ****. The color palette is virtually nonexistent. Usually it comes in standard colors of black and white. That's the reason why I purchased shoes down the States whenever I go down there. It's the ****

I did this during my breaks from school. The guys and I would go drive down there and just shop. Funny thing is, I always thought that I was going to spend more but I ended up actually saving a lot. You see, it's really expensive here. Chuck's alone would cost at least $60, I bought two in the States which cost me $40. And I figured it doesn't hurt to see the other side of the border once in a while.

The College Experience

Just like any other highschool, I wasn't looking to be popular or to be liked. I was in college for one reason, to learn and get my life back on track. I felt like I wasted a couple of years of my life, bumming around and not being productive. Little did I know, I would end up making a lot of great decisions and some stupid ones to boot.

It's hard dealing with change. Sometimes it comes fast, other times it slowly creeps up on you. But I guess change, no matter how bad it is, how painful it could be, has a purpose. It happens when we least expect it, usually at the wrong time and at the wrong place. That was college for me. Every time I step in the door, I change my life for the better. I ended up single but I gained a lot of friends in the process. Ended up broke but gained a career in the end. Stressed out like crazy but managed to hang onto my sanity. College was supposed to be fun and it was for the most part. I bust my ass everyday just to be where I am and eventually it paid off.

The Social Network

I remember being "forced" to join Facebook back in the day. It was the new thing so I joined after the constant coaching that I got from friends. Now everyone has a facebook account. Sure, I've had my FB for quite a while now. I think I had an account since 2008. It wasn't active though until very recently early this year. I changed my status and log on to it everyday. It became my coping mechanism, a window to my personal thoughts. It was not necessarily a bad thing, but I noticed that I was getting addicted to it. And too much of anything is bad for you so I had to tone it down a bit.

It wasn't until recently that I learned how to let go of it. I still log on once a while but I don't change my status everyday just like I used to. That's a good thing. I don't think I can ever let go of FB. I used it to mainly update myself with the status' of the few friends that I have. It's a good tool to use for catching up. For me, it served its purpose.

Welcome To The Family

I became very social this year. I'm typically the shut in type of guy. I never go out, never bothered meeting new people because I never really cared for them. In a sense that I do mind my own business. I don't bother trying to make friends because I believe that friendship doesn't last long, people move, attitudes and interests change and of course, my personal favorite, family happens. Sure I have a couple of good friends. But it seems like we're drifting apart. We're pursuing other goals and taking opportunities that make it even harder to spend time together. In my defense though, you only need a few good friends. The rest that you meet along the way is just acquaintances.

But this year was different, I met a really good bunch of people in college. We became very close with each other. We hanged out more than I expected. It felt great to just talk to people and socialize. Ever since I met these guys, I've learned a lot. They became my conscience and sometimes even my voice when I don't seem to know what I want. They thought me how to cope with the decisions that I made, namely the break up and they helped me a lot in school.

We were just having coffee last night after our school Christmas party when one of them mentioned,

"I think, we wouldn't have survived our program, if we didn't have each other. That's why we're successful and the other sections loss a bunch of people."

It's true though that sticking together proves to be an advantage in any kind of situation. It at least gives the person a fighting chance. The same rule still applies though. No matter how much you look at it, it's your performance that will ultimately get you a passing mark. Either way, it's survival of the fittest. It's true the strongest survive and the weak perish, but as humans, we always have a choice.

My school friends became my actual friends. We hang out and do stuff off school. They are an amazing bunch. I see myself spending time with them even after graduation. We're that close with each other and that's a good thing in my book.

Women Are Evil, Wrap In a Pretty Package.

I've looked for Ms. Right this year and so far she's been eluding me. They say that the more you look for it, the more chance it would stay lost. I dunno why but that it's true in my situation. I just got out of a six year relationship and I'm already looking for a replacement. I think I've asked a couple of girls out this year alone. I ended up getting shot down or I just didn't follow through. There was the Korean nurse at my practicum. I asked her for her FB instead of her number. Guess what? There's a ton of people with the same name. So I never did find her. I gave up on her. Second one is East Indian girl. I got her number but I never followed through and I totally forgot about her after a couple of weeks later. And a close friend of mine, that I never really asked out. She thinks of me as a brother so that's a no fly zone there.

Maybe I'm really not over her or I'm just afraid that I'm going to end up alone. I also find every girl cute or pretty. It's natural I guess but sometimes it's getting ridiculous. I seriously worry about it. To a point that I would always be thinking about just girls...or boobs for that matter. I guess what I'm trying to say is, the break up really affected me. Sure, there's the emotional pain involved of being alone but there's also...well lets just say I need the physical component too.

I think in general I miss the company of having someone to wake up to, have breakfast with or just shower with. I know it sounds weird but you really never know how lonely it is until you're in my situation. Despite all this, I still believe that I made the right choice. I want to move on just like the next person but that's not going to happen anytime soon until I find Ms. Right.

Everybody Needs Some Music

Going through the break up meant a lot of music searching. From R&B to your typical love songs to downright Emo. It was also an opportunity for me to get back to my old roots. I've always listened to ****c music from the 70's to 90's era. I just think that it's really cool, where you can actually understand what the heck they were singing about. For me, it was Van Halen, AC DC, Beatles, Rush, Creedence and others that are worth mentioning but I forgot.

It wasn't just the oldies that I like. I was also introduced to Korean pop. It's really nice to listen to even though I don't understand the words. It's all about the rhythm.

Relieving The Glory Days

I got invited to a lot of parties this year which is very very unusual. See, even geeks nowadays can be cool too! I've met a lot of people, some good and some I knew to watch out for. The point is, I wasn't really expecting myself to go because of school. The workload was heavy and it seems that I never have the time for anything. All I can say is, I'm glad that I went out and partied. It was a stress reliever, a diversion from the real problem both, personal and academically.

It's been a while since I last attended an actual party, where there's like a ton of people. Come to think of it, it really has been a while. Last time I attended was when I first started dating her, I took her to a house party. I could tell that she wasn't into it. I was young and I guess she was mature enough to know that I was an idiot. Let's just say that being with her, I settled down. It's not necessarily a bad thing, I guess I just became mature with her. Thus, effectively ending my party days.

I don't really know the reason why I stopped partying. For one thing, I ended up with responsibilities and being in a relationship during that time means prioritizing her needs. My social circle was just really composed of a small group of friends. Sometimes I don't even see them for months. That really killed off my remaining social contacts. If it wasn't for FB, I would have none. I'm not blaming her. After all, I was the one who asked her out in the first place.

It was the right time to settle down. I wasn't really into the constant partying anyway, which was like virtually every week during my highschool days. Where the heck did I get the money!? Sometimes it makes me wonder too. Highschool was highschool and there's a reason why it's called "The Glory Days" in the first place.

The End?

We may never really know what the future holds. Whether, we'll find love or end up in a job that we want. It might even be in between. All we can do is hope that it turns out our way. And be glad that the decisions we made during the past year were the ones that we want. Because in the end, there is nothing more worse than regretting it.

Side Note

I don't know if I'm ever going to be done with this blog if I don't post it now. I'm trying to write it as fast as I can. I'm planning on posting it this Christmas Day.

There were probably a lot of key points during this year. Mostly minor but the major ones I've tried to at least remember. It was a huge year of mistakes and great decisions. I could never forget about that. It's funny now that I think about it, this blog was mostly based on the "The Break Up" and reinventing myself in the process. If it wasn't for the break up, I would have never bothered changing myself.

"The Break Up" and "A Clean Slate" was actually written down during my preceptor-ship days. I was bored and thought of the idea of doing a year end recap blog. The rest of it was written at home during the past few weeks.

I'm actually running out of ideas. I'm just gonna cut it off right about here...

Spending the holidays is a yearly tradition for me. Whether I spend it with my family or I spend it with her. This year is slightly different apart from not having that special someone to annoy. I am skipping several people from my gift list. Yes I know, I don't believe in commercialization of the holiday and the true meaning of it being lost in the sea of product placements is really just a poor excuse in being happy. Says the guy who's buying presents. I know, I'm a hypocrite at times. The truth is, I've never been really fond of giving gifts because for one thing, if somebody gives me a present, I am obligated to do the same thing. That's just how it works.

Another reason for me is that when I became a student last year, I had to cut down on my work because I needed to prioritize. This eventually led to burning money without really recovering the expenses that I incurred. No, I'm not in debt...yet. But I'm going to be if I keep on spending. So I've already told friends that I cannot give them anything this year because I'm not doing full time work. Obviously, they understand this. I'm just hoping that they're not going to give me anything this year.

Of course, I'm still going to our yearly Christmas dinner. It's tradition for us to meet up at least once a year. We kept this tradition since I was still working in Mcdonalds five years ago. I'm just glad that core group is still intact. We've lost people during those years. Most of them are working out of the country or in another province. Some couldn't make it because of work related issues; like a conflict with their schedule, couples breaking up and others had a falling out. One thing's for sure though, people have a lot of stories to tell and I am pretty interested in it. It's kinda catching up with them too.

I thought this coming holiday would be lonely for me because of the break up. I guess I was wrong again. It's going to be a year now and I'm feeling independent. I think I can move on without her and I'm doing just that. It's still hard though and there is no easy way to forget. This is going to be my first holiday without her and I'm trying to keep it as normal as possible. Memories are there for a reason so it's normal that I think of her once in a while.

I try not to think about it as much though. I keep myself busy and I take work once in a while so that's keeping me occupied. It doesn't hurt either if I make a little money. Being single has it perks but it also means that I have to support myself. Now that I'm alone, I have no choice but to be financially independent. All I can say is, right now it's working to my advantage.

My spending didn't really go down though, in fact it just went up. New clothes, shoes, going out and school in general took a lot of my savings. Then again, education is a way out of poverty they say. Right now though, I feel that education is the way to poverty. But I don't want to be a buzz kill. Putting this aside, I really want to just celebrate the holidays and have fun. I shouldn't be worried about this stuff. Money can always be made, but family and friends are hard to come by. I guess we'll see as the weeks go by.

Happy Holidays, to me, you and everyone.

It sucks that I don't get paid when I am student. I still have a ton of the Nurses workload and the ones that are training me to be a Nurse seems to be taking advantage of this opportunity. I've always think of it that way. But then again, I am a student and by saying that I am technically relying on them to pass me. I just need to suck it up for a couple of weeks then I can say all the things that I want. For example, I don't want to get hired there because I don't want to work in an LTC setting. I have nothing against the setting but I am going to lose a lot of my skills. Skills that I have trained for over the year.

I know I'm going to pass because it's really easy to work in a slow paced environment. All I do there is pour medications day in and day out. It does get boring and standing over the medication cart for at least the whole shift is not fun. I am literally just popping medications and maybe a bit of assessments. This kind of setting is really big on leadership roles and I look at myself as a person doesn't lead. I take orders better because of my other profession. I mean once in a while, it doesn't hurt to order people around but it's just not me.

In addition to this, I cannot deal with work politics. I am so used to floating around in the hospital that I don't have time know the gossips of the unit. I like it this way though, I'm there to work and whatever personal problems that they have for each other does not concern me. As you can see, being stuck in one unit in an LTC setting is really driving me nuts. I can't wait to finish and just have a day off or something.

The staff is not making it any better. Some of them are really nice, which is always a plus, but some of them are borderline crazy. I say this because every staff has a single quirk or pet peeve on something. I guess it just comes with the work. It does drive me nuts once in a while but I'm just doing my time there.

It's quite boring administering medications. I never signed up for this kind of work but if it's going to be like this then might as well find some joy in it. Well, at least I only have a few days left then I go back to my regular work. Either that or study for the exams. I guess I'm going to balance it out when the time comes. Oh boy does it come fast. The board exam takes place this January and I'm already halfway through December. I haven't even had the chance to sit down and really study.

The coming holiday is not kind to me either. There's a couple of parties coming up, spending time with friends and family, and just being acquainted to my new job. It's a lot of preparation and my responsibilities just went up a notch. It's really hard to try and maintain a certain level of professionalism when I am rushing for everything. Maybe I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed because I'm trying to mix my personal life into my work life. Not to a point that I gossip or complain but just trying to multitask both lives is really taxing to my body. What I'm trying to say is after work I go out then work again the next day.

I feel that I'm burning out and I just started doing this recently too. Maybe I'm really afraid to lose my skills or maybe I just can't accept the fact that I'll be doing this for the rest of my life. There's a lot of questions that pop in my head to a point that I am deemed as an absent minded person. Well that's a story for another day.

All I can say is, so far so good. A couple more days left then I can choose where to work. Cheers to having a long and good life...

Side Note

One more day left and I'm out of their for good. I guess I'll be going back to work and I also need to study for the licensing exam. This is going to be a short month.