Well its been awhile hasn't it? Sorry for the long absence I was feeling kind of lethargic for like the longest time. I really don't want to bore you with the details I just wanted some place to vent my feelings so here we go.

I try to hard. If anybody knows me you know I'm on MW2 alot. Sure i play other games here and there but MW2 and that series of games are just so addicting I just can't really stop. I also hate all the cheap tactics that go wrong with the game like the oma danger close noob tubes and MLC pro combo. However, unlike many people I'm good, really good. I know the game so well I can predict tactics, know how to deal with campers and perhaps out play a majority of players 1v1. Really the only thing wrong with MW2 is the danger close oma combo imo because once they get in there spot they can take you out over and over again.

But the point of this blog is not to complain about MW2 since everybody already does that and its not cool anymore. My problem with the game is more about me. I play to win. I get enjoyment out of winning and getting really high kill streaks and what not, but I noticed something recently which actually should have been apparent much earlier. I'm better than most of my friends. You see I do like to win but its a different kind of joy. I like winning when I can just blend in with the crowd like being third or 4th place amongst my team relying on others to carry my team to victory. When I get a party of 4-6 players I get the feeling that no matter who we play we cant lose and for the most part it holds true but now in the days of MW2 50% of the time while i'm in a party I have to step up my game otherwise we may lose.

This feeling of winning without actually trying on my part is really hard to convey to you. In my mind you playing a game for fun should be the only enjoyment I need and once it stops being fun you move on. For awhile that works for me until I start getting a losing streak and losses keep coming one after the other. Then when i get serious and do really well my teammates don't care as much about the win so they play the same ****as they do and it rests solely on me again to make sure we take win.

This need of wanting to win without to much effort might stem from my early days of soccer where winning was more of a team effort. If everybody does their part you can win without that need for a superstar who can do everything.

So i guess that's the biggest problem I have when it comes to competitive FPS's I don't want to be that superstar. Many people play so much, using the best weapons, and even cheap perks to become that guy where everybody looks at him and say he's a beast or (if you're on the losing team) he's using hacks. I'd much rather be that player who was essential in defending the flag or the one capturing the flag. Once I start to do everything at once capturing, defending, and killing all at the same time that's when I start to feel the pressure and the stress this game has over me.