I wouldn't be much of a gamer if I didn't shamelessly post my own E3 impressions on my blog while simultaneously watching it on no less than 3 (Spike, G4, Gamespot) sources. What makes my impressions different than the rest of the gamers blogging about E3 is that I've been gaming long enough to know who Arnie Katz was and fondly remember his self-published fanzine which used to contain HIS impressions of the CES. You know, that thing we had before E3 was created?

Ok, enough bragging about my accelerated age, let's get this thing started.

First up was Microsoft, and if you know me you know how much I hate the Xbox 360. Unfortunately, I'm forced to play one due to most multiplatform games being programmed for it rather than for the PS3 or (god forbid) my PC. Still, I approached their conference the way a hooker does a sale on condoms and hoped I'd come out with something that would be worth remembering. For the most part, I didn't.

Musambani, while we watched the MS conference, said this gem:

"Every time Microsoft takes the stage they always induce rage in people with more than 5 brain cells"

They opened up with a demo of Call of Duty Black Ops, and I immediately facepalmed. These games are nothing more than U.S. military indoctrination programs meant to instill a false sense of patriotism and duty in the mindless rednecks/white-trash that play them. Whether it's teaching kids to hate brown skins, teaching kids that America never does any wrong or teaching kids how important it is to "kill first and ask questions later", these games never fail to make me despise pop culture more and more every time a new one is birthed from the rancid bowels of Electronic Arts.

What's even worse is that MS went on to announce that they've bought exclusive rights to the DLC for the CoD series, something they did with GTA4 as well. I really despise any one company having an unfair release embargo on new content, and this is no exception. Sure, the PC and PS3 will get the DLC eventually, but MS has once again proven how desperate they are by doing this. It is unfair to people who do not have an Xbox and punishes those who, unlike me, were not able to buy all three platforms.

Next up, MS showed a couple short clips of the new Metal Gear Rising game...and I was rather unimpressed. Metal gear died when it went 3D and lost its tense, frightening, serious edge...and I want nothing to do with it. Also, Katanas. Yippee.

Next up was Fable 3. Does anyone really want to play this train wreck? I bought Fable 2 used for 7.50 and regretted it. It was watered down and so easy that I couldn't even get myself killed ON PURPOSE. Not to mention that damn dirty animal (the dog) is back. I've said it before and I'll say it again, you don't keep animals as pets...you eat them. Including a dog in an RPG is a sure way to get me to avoid it. The only good moment in Fable 2 was when that disgusting creature got shot. I actually cheered when that happened.

Next, they showed the new Crytek game, "Codename Kingdoms". Can't say much since it offered no new information. Looks like another silly "300" cash in about Spartans if you ask me.

Then, they went ahead with some Halo: Reach nonsense. *yawn*.

...and then, we had the real reason Microsoft showed up: Kinect. I think Musambani summed it up best with the following statement after I asked why people would buy this crap:

It's because all of the technological neophytes think it looks very streamlined and "futuristic", but it really lacks all of the features you'd expect from how it looks. It's much like Apple and their products.

To be perfectly honest, the games they showed looked exactly like Wii knock-offs. The kart racer, the sports games, everything was jsut a carbon copy of the Wii motion titles only with Avatars instead of Miis. It was so sad and depressing to see MS fail this greatly that I went downstairs and made a sandwich before going back to my game room and watching the rest of the conference. If anyone walked away from that wanting to buy Kinect than they are either mentally retarded or incredibly stupid.

Some of the Kinect demos were more embarrassing than others. In particular was that god awful Kinectimals demo. the tiny little asian girl running around playing with a tiger. The only thing I hate more than animals would be children, so seeing BOTH together was enough to cause me to punch a hole through my thin wooden table. It's wonderful, isn't it? Seeing kids using their xbox to play with animals? the only people who will buy that game are furries that want to get their rocks off.

Electronic Arts Conference:

The EA conference wasn't too bad. Crysis 2 looked fabulous and added to what was already a huge amount of excitement I had about it. I did laugh though when the game chugged and had some minor audio lag. It's obvious the consoles can't handle the game engine and the only correct way of playing it is to run it on a PC. Nonetheless, it looks incredible and seems to be a much faster game than the previous one. This may not be what most wanted from it (Since the open-ness and slow crawl through the jungle is what made it stand out) but I won't judge the game on just one level.

Star Wars the Old Republic also looked great. Even though I hate MMOs with a passion, I'll definitely be buying this for its story-heavy singleplayer focus and lack of grinding. Everything I've heard and seen about Old Republic leads me to believe it's simply KOTOR1 with an optional online co-op mode, and that's exactly what I want. Unlike WoW, it has a deep dialog system with a non-linear story...so I can easily see this becoming the "anti WoW" that the industry has been trying to create for the past four years. Kudos to Bioware for keeping me hyped for the game.

Later on G4 after all the conferences were over, they showed more of the Old Republic and I was REALLY impressed with what I saw. The graphics are low spec, sure, but the art direction and combat look fabulous. I'm really sold on the game and have no doubt I will be buying it.

Ubisoft Conference:

Mostly forgettable. More Assassin's Creed nonsense, Jade Raymond mouthing off like she actually knows something about gaming, a frenchman who speaks English about as well as I speak french...mostly fail. I did like the new Ghost Recon game though. Shame I refuse to play american propaganda war games though or else I might buy it.

Nintendo Conference:

Wow. I never expected to be blown away by Ninty of all companies. My PS3 motto on my player profile reads "The Wii is trash", and yet here I am thankful I own one. Fancy that.

The new Zelda looked wonderful. I've always wanted a heavier emphasis on swordplay and smarter enemies that BLOCKED and my wish seems to have been granted. Another great thing about Zelda: Skyward Sword is the fact that they combined the cartoon-ey aspect of Wind Waker with the grown up adult link of Twilight Princess to create a hybrid art st.yle that seems to have hit the "sweet spot" in terms of realism v.s. fantasy. Though it's too early to say if we'll see that familiar Ocarina of Time gameplay, at least they are on the right track.

Most of the rest of the games didn't interest me much. The new Kirby looked supremely silly, Epic Mickey looks to be Warren Spector's next shameful entry on his resume (Can't blame Harvey Smith this time, can we Warren?) and the new Mario sports game doesn't appeal to me at all. However, there were a few other games I was pleased to see.

Donkey Kong Country's new entry looks interesting. I've always liked the series and had hoped it would make a comeback, so I was happy to see a proper sequel given to Mario's former nemesis. It has all the familiar side scrolling fun as the SNES original but with sharper visuals and more interaction with your environment. Once again, you can't tell much due to the short playtime of the pre-recorded demo they showed on stage, but what WAS there looked good enough for me to consider buying it when it's released.

Then we saw the new Goldeneye. This was already leaked a couple weeks ago so astute gamers were not surprised to see this. Though I'd love to get it, I've yet to see an FPS on the wii control even halfway decently. Furthermore, as much as our nostalgia wants to tell us otherwise, Goldeneye really isn't as good as we remember. It has long since been improved upon by other console shooters such as Bioshock and Gears of War, so it's hard for me to get excited about going back 12 years in the past. Especially with *real* shooters such as Crysis 2 and Singularity coming out this holiday.

Then we have the elephant in the room to talk about: the 3DS.

They showed almost no real footage, unless you count Kid Icarus. While Icarus looked decent, it's hard for me to rationalize buying one after the disappointment I experienced with the DS. Laugh if you must, but my Ds gathers dust while my PSP is constantly recharging and being played for hours on end. The PSP has all the great RPGs while the DS is nothing more than a kiddie machine. Hell, I have a friend who traded in his DS for a second PSP and hacked it, that's how valuable a DS was to him. Thats roughly the same feeling I have towards the system and I doubt the 3DS will be any different. For every decent game it gets they'll have a few dozen NINTENDOGS and PETZ titles.

Sony Conference:

Sony doesn't talk down to you during their conference, which was so refreshing. They talk in even tones, act mature, and don't expect us to be retards. MS and Nintendo sound like they are talking down to people and Sony's conference was, surprisingly, very mature and pleasant.

First of all, Killzone 3 looked great, but as someone who only played the first and didn't like it I don't think I'm going to buy it. Still, the visuals (and the 3D) help separate it from Halo Reach or even Modern Warfare. A definite plus one for Sony.

As for the 3D montage they showed, it looked impressive. Unlike both of their competitors they have native 3D support built in and if you are a rich jerk who has a 3D television set then you'd be best off with a PS3. I can't deny that.

As for PS Move, I'll admit I don't care for motion control. With that being said, I think out of all 3 systems the Ps3 Move is the only one that piques my interest. Unlike MS and Nintendo, they seem to have quite a few hardcore games developed for it. I especially loved the demo of "Sorcery" and have to admit that if the Move is only 49.99, I may just buy it to play Sorcery. It truly looked that damn good to me.

Now onto the part I loved the best: The PSP.

I love the PSP. Next to the TG-16, it's my favorite system of all time. It does everything an iPhone does but does it BETTER. Yes, I said it. Why the hell people don't bow down and worship the greatness of the PSP is still beyond me..but you can read my earlier blog where I spoke about it to understand my feelings better.

The PSP, once again, has a killer lineup coming out. Ys Seven, Valkyria Chronicles 2, Parasite Eve 3, a new God of War game...how can a gamer prefer the DS over the PSP? Nothing but goodness here and a PSP is the only system I need outside of my PC. Fact.

Next they showed Little big Planet 2. Hmmmm...no. I like the improved toolset (Someone even made an RTS with it in only 24 hours) but that game simply isn't my cup of tea. No kid stuff, ever.

Next we had the biggest shock of the Sony show: Gabe apologizing for dissing the PS3 for the last 3 years and announcing that Portal 2 would not only be coming to the platform, but that the PS3 version was the best of the bunch. Big words...but coming from a man that big, I'd believe it.

Lastly (I won't count Twisted Metal since that series means nothing to me) was inFamous 2. Very short video, somewhat confusing. I'd hope they show more online in the coming weeks, but doubt it. Infamous was one of my favorite games of 2009 and I've been anxious to see footage from the sequel. I was a bit disappointed at Cole's new look, but as long as the gameplay is there I'm in.


And now, my personal awards:

Best Shooter of E3 2010: Crysis 2 (Honorable mention: Bulletstorm. People Can Fly are FPS GODS!)

Best Action/Adventure game of E3 2010: Zelda - Skyward Sword

Best RPG of E3 2010: Star Wars The Old Republic

Best New Technology: Playstation Move

"Winner" of E3 2010: Sony (Nintendo would have won if they would show some real F'ing 3DS footage, even if in 2D)

Game of E3 2010: Star Wars - the Old Republic