Some professors actually did do some of these during the first week of class :lol:

1. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream
   "MY PACEMAKER!"
2. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
   and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
3. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
   question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't
   hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
4. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
   your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
   Smartypants?"
5. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
   with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
   "tsk, tsk".
6. Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".
7. Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the cl*ss whether
   your butt looks fat.
8. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus cl*ss Giggle throughout it.
9. Start the lecture by dancing and lip-syncing to James Brown's
   "Sex Machine."
10. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead
    of you as you pace back and forth.
11. Address students as "worm".
12. Announce to students that their entire grades will be based on a
    single-question oral final exam. Imply that this could happen at any
    moment.
13. Point the overhead projector at the cl*ss. Demand each student's
    name, rank, and serial number.
14. Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space
    for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your
    sentence and proceed normally.
15. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.