General Driving Rules (part 3)

by trm6 on November 1, 2007 Comments

1. Make sure that you drive all types of slow or wide vehicles during peak traffic hours.
2. When approaching a yield sign, either accelerate without looking or come to a full and complete stop.
3. If another driver is courteous enough to let you in front of him/her, show your appreciation by letting the entire world in front of you, including tractor trailers and construction vehicles.
4. On multi-laned roads, always drive at the same speed as the vehicle next to you. Try to "box" in drivers behind you, who are attempting to pass.
5. If you see a vehicle getting in your lane directly behind you, hit your brake pedal. The closer the vehicle, the harder you should press.
6. If your vehicle is capable of spinning its tires on dry roads, take advantage of this. Make as much black smoke as possible.
7. When driving in heavy bumper-to-bumper traffic, always drive with at least 10 car lengths in front of you.
8. Steer you car toward any small animals or rodents running through the street. Then, yell to everyone else in the car "Hey, did you feel that little bump? I just ran over a bunny rabbit!"
9. If another driver honks at you, ignore it, continue to do exactly what you are doing, and give him a dirty look.
10. If you get lost in a residential neighborhood and need to turn around, find a newly paved or sealed driveway to do so.
11. When drivers ahead of you pull over to let emergency vehicles pass, accelerate so that they can not merge back into traffic.
12. When driving in a lane that is going to end because of construction, ignore all the "LANE CLOSED - MERGE AHEAD" signs. Then wait until the last second and cut off the other drivers that had the common sense to switch lanes earlier.
13. The more expensive of a car you drive, the more you have the right of way.
14. If you need to stop to ask for directions, wait until there is a car behind you and stop in your lane to block traffic. Try to ask directions from either a 90 year old local, a deaf person, an illegal alien, or a child.
15. When picking up a passenger during the early morning or late night, in a residential neighborhood, stop in front of the house and honk the horn. Either a series of long honks or in a melody of a song such as "Shave and a haircut" is appropriate.