- Always drive with your right arm behind the passenger seat.
- Drive with your seat far back enough, that a dentist can fill cavities while you travel.
- If you are supposed to wear glasses or contacts while driving, don't.
- Drive closely behind speeding ambulances and fire trucks so you get ahead of everyone who pulls over to let them pass.
- If someone leans on their horn to get your attention so they can curse at you for a moronic thing you just did, ignore them and don't make eye contact.
- Drive with enough boxes and packages in your car so that they completely block the side and back windows.
- If the driver behind you is honking and flashing his headlights because he is in some sort of an emergency rush, do NOT pull over to let him pass.
- When coming home from work the evening before a holiday, always drive like a maniac to increase your chances of getting into an accident. If you do get into an accident, try to take as many other vehicles with you as possible to jam up traffic with people who want to get home early.
- When driving around curves, always drive over the line and into the oncoming traffic lane.
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