What your professer really means...

1. My office hours are by appointment only = I like to get out of here early.
2. Bring the text to class. = I don't have a clue how to lecture - we'll just kill time with group read-alongs.
3. Let's check with Dr. So-and-so on that before we proceed... = I have no clue what this means and don't intend to find out myself.
4. Talk to the department secretary. = Leave me alone.
5. The tests will all be multiple-choice. = I take questions directly from the study guide, and have grad students do all my grading.
6. Don't come in late during my lecture. = I have the attention span of a fruit fly.
7. The final will be comprehensive. = I'll expect you to recapitulate in two hours everything I couldn't fully cover myself in 15 weeks.
8. Everyone will prepare in-class oral presentations. = This course is outside my specialty - I'll just bluff it and let you teach.
9. I haven't had a chance to make up the syllabus for this course yet. = The as*hole department chair stuck me with teaching this course at the last possible minute.
10. Attendance is required and will be counted in your grade. = I'm so boring, no one would show up otherwise.
11. We'll have to cover this chapter quickly. = I screwed up on the lecture schedule.
12. I'm postponing today's exam. = There's stuff on the exam I forgot to cover.