Random Humor Quotes

by trm6 on February 25, 2008 Comments

1. I've made so many movies playing a hooker that they don't pay me in the regular way any more. They leave it on the dresser.
   --- Shirley Maclaine
2. America is a country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
   --- John Barrymore
3. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
   --- Robert A. Heinlein.
4. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
   --- Shirley Temple.
5. When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.
   --- Frederick Ryder.
6. They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   --- Garrison Keillor.
7. Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
   --- Robert Hutchins.
8. If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.
   ---Charles Farr.
9. A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
   --- Zsa Zsa Gabor.
10. When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
    --- Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh.
11. Never in the history of fashion has so little material been raised so high to reveal so much that needs to be covered so badly.
    --- Sir Cecil Beaton, on mini-skirts.
12. I'm extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end.
    --- Margaret Thatcher.