Yes, the helpful advice blogs have come to an end:D Someone sent me a PM last night asking me why I didn't post the funny blogs anymore, so I thought I'd stop the helpful hints ones and add more funny ones:D I was getting tired of adding the helpful ones anyway - they were really boring:roll:

1. John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike?
2. Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all.
3. Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife.
4. When I'm really hot, I can walk into a room and if a man doesn't look at me, then he's probably gay.
5. Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.
6. When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I'm labeled senile.
7. Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
8. As you get older, the pickings get slimer, but the poeple don't.
9. Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere!
10. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, then it doesn't matter.
11. I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long someone stands there picking the locks, they're always locking three.
12. He had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it.
13. Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
14. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
15. Skill is successfully walking a tight rope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.
16. If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
17. I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
18. What's the different between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.
19. When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized God didn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
20. I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.
21. I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
22. In view that God limited the intelligence of a man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.
23. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. Just not in that order.
24. A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
25. Always get married in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
26. In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar. A practice that still continues.
27. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
28. My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
29. When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.
30. I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.
31. It is a sad fact that 50% of marrages end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!
32. Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
33. Some folks are wise, and some otherwise.
34. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
35. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
36. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse"
37. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
38. I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!!
39. If you die in an elevator, be sure to press the 'UP' button.

There you go:D Have a nice day!:wink: