1. There's a large red tag on it marked "Evidence".

2. The cushions begin crawling away.

3. The fabric on the back has been repaired with a "Rebel And Proud" bumper sticker.

4. The owner asks you to sign a waiver.

5. What you thought was powdered sugar from a donut appears to be moving.

6. It appears to have reached its present location by being dragged several miles on its side.

7. The owner appears to be scratching himself rather frequently.

8. The owner seems reluctant to actually sit on or touch it himself.


9. It has its own nickname.

10. More than a dozen people know its nickname.

11. More than a hundred people know its nickname from a story in the local paper.

12. Someone appears to have constucted a drink holder on the armrest with a hacksaw, a torch, and a gluegun.

13. There are mushrooms growing on the back.

14. Stuffing is protruding from bullet holes.

15. There appears to be more duct tape than vinyl on the cushions.

16. It growls when you sit on it.

17. Integral parts of its structure have been replaced with a garden hoe, a flasher barricade, and the drop gate from a railroad crossing.

18. There's a coin slot on the armrest.

19. The owner occassionally pauses to pick things off of it and taste them.

20. It appears to have been spray-painted its present color.

21. You hear scampering noises inside.

27. The owner offers to throw in a free:
+ can of Lysol
+ can of Raid
+ flyswatter
+ flea collar
+ ant trap
+ vial of penicillin

28. Under the cushions you find:
+ half a bottle of ketchup
+ empty shotgun shells
+ an entire squirrel skeleto
+ a glass eye
+ ticket stubs from the 1939 World's Fair
+ used prophylactics
+ the muffler from a '72 Dodge