Rules for Parking Lots

by trm6 on November 20, 2007 Comments

1. Even though you purchased one of those 4-wheel drive sport/utility vehicles because you might one day "drive" up a mountain, slow down drastically as you approach speed bumps.
2. When waiting for a parking spot, stop in the middle of the road, don't signal, and orient your car diagonally to prevent others from passing.
3. Always park on the lines, taking up as many spots as possible. Diagonal parking is preferred.
4. In a crowded parking lot, if you find a spot and have the opportunity to pull through to an adjacent one, drive up half way and stop on the line, taking both.
5. As you pull into a spot, if you see that the space ahead of you is empty and you see another driver signaling to take it, pull though and take it from him.
6. Always park close enough to the adjacent car so that the other driver must grease up with Vaseline to squeeze into his/her car.
7. When getting out of your car, hit the adjacent vehicle with your door really hard.
8. When driving through the parking lot, ignore the painted lanes and drive diagonally from one end to another at a high rate of speed.
9. When stopped in front of a store and waiting for a friend/relative to make a purchase, make sure that you are stopped in the middle of the road. The same rules applies to picking-up and discharging passengers.
10. When a vehicle from the opposite direction is signaling and waiting for a parking space, position your car so that you are in his way and let the car behind you take it.
11. If you hit the adjacent car with your door and leave a dent, wait for a car, which is painted the same color as yours, to drive down the aisle looking for a place to park. Then back out, giving up your spot like "Mr. Good Guy", and park somewhere else.
12. If the vehicle in front of you stops to let a pedestrian cross or another vehicle turn, pull into the lane of opposite traffic and attempt to pass him.
13. When exiting a shopping center into a busy road, exit through the narrow "ENTER ONLY" driveway, stick the nose of the car into traffic, and wait.
14. Always leave your shopping cart behind or tightly between parked vehicles.
15. Empty your ashtrays on the cars around you.
16. When another vehicle is waiting for you to pull out of a spot in a crowded parking lot, take your time. Adjust the mirrors, your seat, and the radio. Roll down your window, light a cigarette, and eat your lunch. Feel free to go through your shopping bags and look at what you just bought.