- Repeat thoughtfully the last word of everything your roommate says (e.g., Your roommate: "How are you doing today?" You: "Today . . . Today . . . ?")
- Continuously refer to your roommate using terms of endearment (sweetcheeks, honeybuns). Slap him/her in the face if s/he ever does the same.
- Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
- Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
- Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtly. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
- Spend all your money on Coke Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
- Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
- Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
- Smile. All the time.
- Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse him/her of stealing it.
- Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
- Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
- Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.
- Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
- Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start with "Didja ever wonder why . . ." Be creative.
- Shave one eyebrow.
- Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
- Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka" and play it at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an assignment for your primitive cultures class.
- Listen to radio static.
- Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's Email.
- If you get in before your roommate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
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