This story goes back to... Christmas, I guess. My sister-in-law was sweet enough to prepare everyone stockings, and they were full of the typical assorted fruits and candies. I didn't dig around through it too much, I put it in my closet and completely forgot about it. Until this weekend. Needless to say, those apples and oranges were nasty! And no, I didn't try to eat them.

But the candy, that's another story. Amongst the goodies was a box of Bazooka Joe Bubblegum! For those of you not familiar with Bazooka Joe Bubblegum (is there anyone?), They're famous for their wrappers, which have a Bazooka Joe Comic Strip on them. And I swear, the text on these comic strips have become so small, I can't read them anymore! Why does she give this stuff to a 44 year old man anyhow? For my birthday, she gave me deodorant, but that's yet another story.

Well, it had been so long since I had read Bazooka Joe comics, I was frustrated. So much so that I went out and bought a lighted Bausch & Lomb magnifying glass. And I'll tell ya, those comic strips are SO CORNY! Certainly not worth a twelve dollar magnifying glass. Then, at the bottom of the comic strip, I notice I have a fortune. My fortune? "Don't Take Any Wooden Nickles- You Could Get A Splinter!" Oh, hardee har-har. That's not even a fortune, it's advice! So lame. But the bubblegum's pretty good. Wait, it's not over yet. I read in small print that, if I collect fifteen Bazooka Joe Comic Strips, I can, for $8.99, get a Bazooka Joe T-Shirt! Even better, one size fits all! I can't explain why I want this, but it's gonna happen. And it says, "for more details,www.bazookajoe.com." That's it, I'm a goner. I go to bazooka joe's place, and it immediately loads this hip-hop song about bazooka joe bubblegum, sung by some group called Tha' Heights. It starts out,

My Mom
She Gave Me A Dollar
She Told Me To Buy A Collar
But I Didn't Buy No Collar
Instead I Bought Some Bubblegum!
Bazooka Zooka Bubblegum!

Then they repeat with other forms of currency, such as a dime (he's supposed to buy a lime) and a nickel (pickle, natch). Once the song's finally over, it starts again! AAARrrrgh! Just before I decide to get the heck out of there, I notice an option to "Watch Videos." As it turns out, they're having some kind of contest where people can send in videos of themselves singing this nerve wracking song. You can watch and rate the videos. And it's so stupid, it's funny. If you have absolutely nothing else to do with your life, go check some out. Some people just love to make fools of themselves. And if you see a video of an old man singing the song while waving a stocking over his head, IT'S NOT ME! But give it a good rating, okay? :)