My New Year's Resolution was to lose ten pounds. I didn't share it with anyone, it was a personal goal. Now I'm proud to report I've made some progress! I've gained ten more pounds!

I had kind of forgotten about the goal. Then I went to the doc a couple of weeks ago. I do that twice a year to make sure I have high blood pressure. And I want to tell you, it was quite a relief!

I was afraid that all my pants were shrinking. That can be very unsettling. I can deal with one or two pair shrinking, these things happen. But when they all start shrinking at once, that's a sign of a Pants Union! They're all acting together! They will have demands! Very intimidating. Fortunately it was just my waistline, spreading nasty rumors.

The only thing I could do was what I should have done in the first place. Buy something. I thought I was above it, I could apply my willpower and sense of conviction, change my habits and achieve my goals. What was I thinking?

You need a symbol for your resolve. Which becomes a crutch, then a symbol of your failure. A focus for your psychosis! :) Usually, this is an exercise device, like a dynoflex, or a treadmill, or a weight set. I almost purchased one of these future laundry holders and garage sale items.

But I thought it through this time. If I buy a piece of exercise equipment, what will I be expected to do? Exercise! A-HA! So I avoided that trap. Instead, I decided to address the quality of my nutrition, rather than my cardiovascular deficiencies. I bought my self a juicer! And not just any juicer, it's the...

Breville 800 Juice Fountain Elite!

This baby is the best domestic fruit and vegetable juicer on the market. For me, it's a symbol of my recommitment to lose weight. But for produce, it's The Terminator! It's got a 1,000 watt motor, running at up to 13.000 rpms in two speeds. The main components are constructed of single piece die cast stainless steel, and all components are dishwasher safe. Tim Allen of Tool Time would be proud of me right now! :)

I tried it out for the first time today. I'd like to have a moment of silence for the produce that lost their juice to fill my first pitcher...

This was my inaugural mix: 6 oranges, 2 lemons, 1 lime, 6 strawberries, 1 grapefruit, 5 thin slices of ginger root, and 2 grapples. Yes, grapples. I don't know, I should have read the package. "Looks like an apple, tastes like a grape!" I just wanted some apples. I gotta pay attention.

They weren't all sacrificed today. There's still quite a few in the fridge concentration camp. Does PETA have a division for plant life? Maybe they could start one for humans! (I'm rambling now) :)

My next stop will be a vegetable juice mix. I'm looking forward to it. This kicks the dynoflex's butt! Oh, and Miss Priss is happy with it. She got a new box!

:)
TG