Well, its Christmas in a few days. We went christmas shopping yesterday, didnt spend hardly any time in the store cause there were so many people and it was freaking mike out and carts kept bumping into his broken leg. I can understand that tho. But we got home and he gave the kids their gifts. So basically its already been christmas. He just felt bad keepin the toys from them, they saw what they were getting and all that, and "Santa" came early- they had a toy drive for the company and the guys were supposed to bring toys, they got distributed to the guys in the company who had kids so yea. Early santa.

As far as the drama between mike and i goes.. I dont know if its just a feeling of defeat, or acceptance or both, but either way im here still, i know his feelings for this other girl, and I am just.. well I guess just waiting. She lives far away right now, but if she moves in or closer or whatever... like i said before.. ill just have to go. And he wont be able to stop me this next time. Hes only stopped me so far cause i just dont have any money. not enough to get back up to wisconsin, or for anything for my kids.

Ugh. I could really really use a vacation from everything and everyone. Id love to go to a spa or go to a retreat of some sort... This summer hopefully. Horsebackriding has always been theraputic for me. And my friends. *sighs*

If i could have just one thing for christmas, it would be a friend who would come here, spend time with me, help me cheer up, help get me out of this non motivational depressed funk im in, help me clean my house (yea.. been soo depressed ive sorta been lacking in the cleaning department... and thats seriously not good.), and help me remember that i get to have fun sometimes too. But im so far away from everyone.. and Im too shy to meet people here, especially with being depressed now.