so... i wonder what will happen tomorrow between me and hayley? will we talk? will we get back together? i think it is likely because i was the one who initiated the break up with her in january 2003 but i regret that... i think.

since then i have been living away from my parents for about four or five years, in the city, which took up the rest of my teenage years and my early twenties. i also did some work for various employers and ****, was it hard.

and now i am going to join the army... maybe... and i happen to, since today, be getting back with hayley? oh my god? you might remember it was her birthday on the 29th of april which will be coming up to a month since then in the next couple of days. she would be actually twenty four now just like me so that means she has caught up. cool.

i would never have thought i could potentially be talking to a girl i haven't spoken to in about seven or eight years. a girl that was my last all those years ago and my first... i guess... given it was long distance. is she still alive? what does she think about me? does she hate me? i think if it is anything negative it is because of the encouragement and influence she has had from her peers... whoever they are.

i love her... i think. i do know this. what we had was special and will always be valued by me but i don't know about her.

now, it is time for me to sleep. await my report of progress.