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the blog below is just how i feel right now about how sexisn and gaming has been handled so far here on GS. i usually tailor my responses to be relatively professional and thoughtful, but i've had it. plus i'm traveling for work for the next two weeks, and that always puts me in a bad mood ;)

just deal with it, you say? well, this IS me dealing with it. :)

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i have been terribly disappointed by the way sexism and gaming has been handled on many levels here on GS, partly by the website but mostly by the ignorant commentors here. as a female AND a gamer, i have experienced first hand sexism and gaming, mostly pertaining to online forums or multiplayer gaming when playing with people i don't personally know, and by personally i mean those i would actually consider friends either online or off.while things have come around a bit when it comes to how females who game are treated by the online community, we still have a long way to go.

MY GAMING BACKGROUND

i've been gaming for 25 years, since i was 7 years old. we didn't have many games, and always stuck with a nintendo console. i remember bringing the n64 to college with me, it was great. i didn't get into multiplayer until goldeneye on the n64, which was the best thing since sliced bread until perfect dark came out. i used to have guys from my engineering classes come over and we'd split screen it. i was pretty damn good, not tournament material but i could take on anyone i met in person. i even had a few friends set me up in friendly matches with someone they thought was the best and we'd all get together and they'd watch me and whoever play. those matches were typically close to even, which was pretty sweet.

i didn't even get my own computer until my 2nd year of college, and it was a while until i actually gamed on it. once getting into FPS with a mouse and keyboard, i had trouble going back to console controls--plus for some reason i had a crazy easy time with the C buttons of the n64 controller as opposed to the analogue C-stick of the newer consoles, but that's another story...

i didn't start playing games online until my introduction to steam and TFC about 5 or so years ago, and that's when i hit a brick wall of insanity when i started getting treated like crap simply because i am female. i never knew of the problem before because my friends weren't sexist and i didn't have any other girl friends who gamed.

MY ONLINE EXPERIENCES

to my surprise, there would be 3-4 boys on the servers who would constantly ask for sexual favors (yes i would mute them but then they would log off and come back on and i would have to mute them again and again), tell me to stop pretending i was a girl and "show them proof" that i am a girl (in their dreams), or even continually berate me and call me all sorts of names or fat, including an attention-whore, for simply using my mic to relay game-related strategic information, which is pretty much all i would do with the mic. and yes, i do have my picture as my avatar, but who cares? i like me, and it's not any kind of seductive pic, it's just me and who i am. why is that a problem?

the worst i had was someone who started stalking me across several websites since i use this tag wherever possible, and finally he threatened me in a PM, so i could report him and have him banned and i think the site even was supposed to alert the police or threaten that, something more serious than just a ban because it finally shut him up whereas before he would just make a new ID and keep harassing me.

what i've learned from this is that a lot of people (no, not ALL) think that if you're a well-adjusted female, then you aren't a good gamer, and if you're a good gamer, you can't be a normal and well-adjusted feminine female; either way, something has to be wrong with you because you can't be both in their minds.

THE CURRENT ISSUES AND AGGRAVATIONS

anyway, it doesn't happen quite as often anymore but that's partly because i don't game online as much or when i do, i play on known servers or with friends. i can't say that's because of my harassment, i'm really not sure but it could have something to do with the diminishing appeal of online gaming. even though i am confident in myself and like me, i would be lying if i said that being harassed doesn't phase me AT ALL, and i'm sure it has had a subconsious effect on me and how much i enjoy online gaming.

but what has really upset me recently is the handling of sexism and gaming and what's gone on here at GS. i have really appreciated the articles that GS has posted, but the majority of comments are horrific. the argument for those who hate any article that even acknowledges the possibility that a problem exists are typically as follows:

1. there is no problem, stfu.
2. maybe there's a small issue, but just deal with it.
3. females DO suck at gaming. true story, bro.
4. if you don't like it, don't play online games.
5. you should hide your gender, if you let us know that you're a female, then you're an attention whore that deserves to be mistreated.
6. here go you women again, wanting to be put on a pedestal for gaming. stop talking about this, period.
7. bringing up sexism in gaming only perpetuates it.

to which come my responses:

1. just because you haven't experienced this, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. i think most of the people who say this choose not to see it, though there are some people who really haven't seen it, and that's good because hopefully the problem is lessening over time. but that still doesn't mean it doesn't happen and that it's not a valid thing to talk about.
2. just deal with it? there ARE ways to deal with it, but when it happens so often it becomes cumbersome and that's when we need to work on the problem together as a community. most people who say this only do so because they don't want to be bothered to realize their actions affect others, and they don't want to change because they are scared or lazy. well, we don't live in a bubble, our actions DO affect others. own up to that.
3. you're an idiot if you think this. it may be that you've had a lot of negative experiences with femals and lack of skill, and i get why you would make that mental assumption, but the problem lies in when you don't let a female prove otherwise before sinking your teeth in. everyone has first impressions and stereotypes in our minds, but letting them make our decisions for us is when they become damaging.
4. again, this is someone who thinks they live in a bubble and is too lazy to care. pathetic.
5. wtf? now i DO know that some people ARE attention whores, but to assume i am because i am fine with being a female is stupid. i don't go around telling people "OMG LOOK AT ME I'M A FEMALE GAMER", but i don't hide it, either. it simply is.
6. yes, some women want to be put on pedestals, but in my ideal world, we would actually be given equal opportunities to prove ourselves. as a disclaimer, i am proud to be a female and a gamer because when i started it WAS sort of rare, and it was fun not being stereotypical. i don't expect to be put on a pedestal because of it, though, it's just a nifty fact about me, like i'm an engineer and did years of martial arts training.
7. probably the dumbest argument i've heard. since when did change occur by doing NOTHING? yeah, we totally would have gotten the right to vote by sitting there and ignoring the issue. by discussing these issues, we can find others who have experienced similar things in life, and we know we're not alone and can share our experiences and understand what the root of the issue is.

the last straw i have is the whole GS chalk talk bologna. in full disclosure, i did submit my blog and it was not chosen, but that's not what really irked me. what got me fuming is that out of all the blogs chosen, NOT ONE WRITER had experienced sexism in gaming. EVER. and there was at least one other blogger who had her own experiences, i would have been happy if they had chosen hers. it's a lot like the chalk talk on violence in video games where all blogs had very similar views, where violence wasn't that big an issue to anyone. i don't expect GS to be a moderator for morals, but seriously if you want a section debating topics, why you would not choose various viewpoints is beyond me.

FINALE

the good news is that there are a lot of gamers out there for which sexism isn't an issue in that they give everyone a chance. and of course there are more issues online in gaming like racism, my post isn't discounting that. i just don't understand how so many people think that being horrible to others online is acceptable for their own entertainment, and that it's fine to say things online that you wouldn't dare say to someone's face.

and it's not just boys, i've been trolled by females so desperate to fit in with the guys and be "one of them" that they berate other females for being at all feminine and casting the same judgements their male counterparts do on other females who game. that's extremely pathetic.

now, people don't have to agree with the severity of the issue, but to berate others for trying to make a change only shows your own insecurity and how scared you are of that change. you don't have the right to be a jackass online if it's against the forum's terms of use in which you're expressing that jackassery. grow up and learn some respect.

for those kinds of jackasses, i'm pretty sure this is what you'll come to find out if you don't:

-z