I miss Squaresoft.
But that's then and that was Squaresoft. This is now and this is Squeenix. The Third Birthday is an absolute abomination. I honestly can't see myself finishing this game more than once, if that. Playing through it is difficult for several reasons; not only is it an incredibly repetitive and boring game, but the feeling of disappointment is so great I'm afraid I'll smash the PSP.
Essentially Parasite Eve has been reduced from an ingenious and addictive blend of horror, RPG, puzzle, and action elements to your standard, over-the-shoulder shooter. Here's the plan: you enter a room, and you shoot stuff. A lot. After you kill said stuff, the door unlocks to the next room where you proceed to either A) shoot more of the stuff you just killed, or B) watch a cutscene where Aya does her best Samus impression, and not the good one. For those who didn't play Metroid: Other M, this amounts to Aya behaving uncharacteristically weak and insecure, seemingly on the verge of tears.
That's another big problem with the game--Aya's new image. When 90% of Aya's clothes are torn off most of the time, it's hard to respect her or the development team. What have they really accomplished aside from pleasing some perverts? Am I supposed to be impressed by the graphical technology here? Is it supposed to be realistic? How come we don't see this tech applied to the male characters, or in games where the protagonist is male?
I have no problem with sexuality in games, but I do have a problem with third-rate game designers ruining once respected characters. If it's not all the torn clothing it's how she's always moaning and sighing, or the fact that she somehow looks younger than ever before. Oh, but I'm sure there's a retcon or two in there to justify that last bit.
These image problems could honestly be overlooked if there was at least a shred of fun to be had while playing Third Birthday, and there isn't. After you've finished the tutorial level you've experienced everything the game has to offer. There's no Parasite Energy to unlock, every gun looks and feels the same, there's no variety in monsters, no secret items (or items altogether), no puzzles, and no atmosphere.
It's just you and your cramped fingers moving half-naked Aya from room to room, killing the same two or three enemies. But at least it looks pretty. Another job done, Squeenix.