The cake is a lie. This game's sheer brilliance, however, is not.

User Rating: 9.5 | The Orange Box X360
You don’t need me to recommend The Orange Box to you. Don’t worry, I will, but you honestly don’t need to read a few glowing paragraphs to convince you to put a little of your paycheck aside for this title. Because seriously, the name should speak for itself - I mean, Blue Shift aside, when has the Half Life series ever let players down? We are dealing with a quality gaming franchise, people, and if its reputation alone isn’t enough to get you to run out to your nearest software store to buy it, the price will. Sixty bucks. Five games. We’re talking XBLA prices for a collection that includes a 2004 Game of the Year. You do the math.

So, we’re given Half-Life 2 (which is probably already sitting proudly on most gamers’ shelves in one form or another), Half-Life 2: Episode One, and three brand-new additions to Valve’s ever expanding dystopian line-up: Half-Life 2: Episode Two, Portal, and Team Fortress 2. And as long as you aren’t allergic to playing with the first-person perspective switched on, there’s guaranteed to be something in The Orange Box that will pique your interest. Coming down from a Halo 3 high? Then Team Fortress 2 is just the ticket to get the blood pumping through those veins again. Live for a puzzle-humor hybrid? Then check out Portal. And if you liked escaping the hellhole of City 17 in Half-Life 2, then hey, chances are that you’ll have fun continuing your mad escape in Episode Two.

The controller setup is something we are all used to at this point in time. You use the right trigger to shoot, A button to jump, B to reload, X to interact - okay, okay, let’s put it this way: If you are currently playing, or in that case, if you have ever played an FPS title on your 360, you’ll need approximately ten minutes to get used to this setup. And even that estimate is being generous; basically, you will just need to blast your way through one or two rooms of Combine soldiers, and you’ll be all set to take on the malevolent forces running City 17. One nice modification to the standard shooter interface is the means by which you switch between your weapons. Rather than toggle through your options with the left and right bumper, you have each weapon assigned to the directional buttons, so there aren’t any of the annoying search breaks that might occur during a heated shootout. Instead of strafing while toggling through your backpack (Pistol? No… Submachine Gun? No… Crowbar? I wish.), you can press up, or down, or wherever on your button pad and instantly whip out the Gravity Gun. Lay physics-style waste to your enemies, go home happy. It’s as simple as that.

The graphics are on par with the PC release of Half-Life 2. Jagged edges that might have been a problem with the Xbox version of the game have been smoothed over, frame rates no longer drop to slideshow slow levels, and water effects play out much more realistically than they might have three years ago on your older console. And although they use the same engine, Episode One and Episode Two both show an overhaul in the graphical polish applied to both games, so that Dog shines just a little bit more brilliantly as he bounds through the air. Terrain is more detailed and you can literally count the bolts on a bridge you duck beneath. It’s impressive to see how well the game has aged over these past few years, and with the exception of a couple, very minor areas (like the gray squares that appear around blood splatters underwater), there’s little separating Half-Life 2 from a game originally destined for the 360. Episode One looks better than a 360 launch title and Episode 2, for its money, sports graphics as impressive as Halo 3.

The game really shines graphically with Team Fortress 2. Giving a new, cartoonish coat of paint to their 1996 Quake experience, the developers here have chosen to implement a retro feel to their multiplayer battlezones. There are nine classes to pick from, each coming equipped with their own strengths and weaknesses to cater to the individual players’ combat style. For those that love to slip past enemy fire there’s the “Noo Yawker” Scout (complete with baseball bat to bash any medic or Yankee hater), and there’s the Heavy for those that want slow, stupid masses of unadulterated power behind their gun. And while the game perfectly balances these different classes, it doesn’t give much else. There are a total of two different types of battles to choose from: Capture the Flag and Control Point, with both requiring you to act as a part of a team rather than play through deathmatch rounds that you might have grown accustomed to in some other shooters. And with only a handful of maps at your disposal, you may become bored a bit more quickly than you expected. With the occasional bouts of lag, you may become frustrated. However, between the vast array of classes to choose from and the quirky humor imbedded within each character, like a breakable Scotch bottle for the Demoman brogue or a syringe gun for the Medic, the game will have you coming back sporadically for one more retro round. And if Valve adds a multiplayer map pack for download on Live Arcade and we’re looking at another Counter Strike.

Both Episode One and Two are on the short side, with each game clocking in at roughly six hours apiece. Each episode is broken down into a few segments that you have to run through, literally, as you race through the Citadel to cool the reactor in Episode One, all before helping refugees out of City 17 and into the wilderness, where Episode Two takes place. Keep in mind that these aren’t whole new games, and therefore weapons, characters, and story plot ideas are all a holdover from the original game. Gameplay, too, for the most part, just follows in the footsteps of the title that started it all. Both games have Alyx Vance tag along as your very competent sidekick - by this I mean that rather than stand in your way as a human shield of stupidity, she actually (gasp!) does something to help you out - and her AI is surprisingly advanced. Both episodes balance puzzles and combat well, with an epic vehicular clash at the end of the second game, and the energy ball puzzles in the first can prepare players for their Portal experience.

Yes, Portal. It’s quite the peculiar gem, with particular emphasis meant to be placed upon the latter word. Honestly, this isn’t a review unless we touch upon Portal, the puzzle game that’s generated the most buzz from the critics’ circles, and with good reason. It’s weird. It’s intelligent. And it packs more fun in its three hours of gameplay than plenty of other games in their twenty hours of dungeon crawling, zombie killing, ball-breaking beat ‘em ups do. The scenario is bizarre: You’re a test subject who is ground through a series of noggin-scratching tests (nineteen to be exact) by the computer GLaDOS, who delivers both instructions and witty lines of conversation with the same deadpan cadence. She promises cake upon completion of the tests, which, as you discover about an hour into the game, is a promise the brat doesn’t plan on keeping. The settings are split between the clean and sterile testing chambers and the gritty, graffiti-laden backrooms where you spend the second half of the game; both areas are nicely rendered, especially the latter, which successfully unnerves the player as he guides the protagonist through cramped industrial spaces and red rooms that have recently fallen into disarray. The voice acting, like in all the other games packaged in The Orange Box, is superbly written and superbly delivered, though unlike the more serious tone Half-Life and its Episodes take, Portal is a game that grows in humor as you make your escape. Listen to the lines spouted in the final boss fight or, better yet, the song that plays during the closing credits (written by the always hilarious Jonathan Coulton) and you’ll be guaranteed to at least crack a smile at some point during those final five minutes. Trust me on this one.

There are ninety-nine achievements to obtain, and with both Portal and Team Fortress 2 touting a replay factor that should engross players for an additional few hours, you’re looking at quite the time investment with this game. No, The Orange Box isn’t perfect, but the problems the game has, like few map choices in Team Fortress 2 and a little wear in Half-Life 2‘s graphics, are minimal. Basically, your purchase comes down to this: Five games. Thirty hours of playtime. Sixty bucks. Is it worth it? Oh yeah.

Pros:
- Comes packaged with five games that should appeal to a wide variety of gamers: the puzzle-solvers, the trigger-happy, and those who like to jump into the Xbox Live arena.
- Wonderfully dark storyline that will keep people entertained for twenty hours as they struggle to escape City 17.
- Emotionally responsive characters who move and express each other realistically.
- Good balance of puzzle solving and combat in the Half-Life saga to keep players from getting bored.
- Physics engine is still one of the best out there, allowing the finest in rag-doll tosses and weight-based puzzles.
- Large levels with plenty of variety in terms of their environments.
- Intelligent AI, both in your allies and your enemies; they’ll back each other up and retreat when their health begins to get low.
- Dialogue is fresh, witty, and well-delivered to allow for stronger bonds with the various characters.
- Fantastic variety of weapons, the most unique of which being the Gravity Gun.
- Plenty of classes and funny taunts available in Team Fortress 2.
- Portal offers an original gaming experience that should appeal to gamers with its combination of intelligence and charm.

Cons:
- Fans of the series probably own two of the five games already, and avid gamers should have played through Half-Life 2 already, significantly reducing the value of the collection.
- Half-Life 2 is beginning to show a little age in its graphics.
- Too few maps and too much lag in Team Fortress 2.