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The Elder Scrolls 6 Petition: Please Bethesda, Put This Character In The Game

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Do it for the people, Bethesda.

Dear Bethesda,

At E3 2018 you revealed that you're making Elder Scrolls VI, a new entry in the much loved Skyrim line of video game product. You showed us next to nothing, but everyone still lost their dang minds. And who could blame them? The *NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF THE ACTUAL GAME* trailer gave fans a brief look at a world they have so much invested in. The rousing orchestral rendition of the Elder Scrolls theme conjured memories of their fondest times with the franchise: filling a room full of cheese wheels, talking to a dog, turning dragons into Macho Man Randy Savage.

What we do know about it comes from Todd Howard himself, and it's that it's probably going to be some time until the game is ready for us to play. Howard said it's "not coming anytime soon" and, "I don't even know what the world is going to be like when it comes out."

It might look more like Fallout if we're not careful, am I right folks?

Anyway, it's clear the game is still early in development, which means this is the perfect time for us, the gamers--the fans--to get our requests in ... Because that's definitely how game development works.

My request is a simple one and it involves including a character that has become critical to fantasy fiction. A figure that transcends intellectual properties and franchises to become part of the tapestry of the genre, as necessary as swords and shields, magic and mysticism, small cheese wheels and big cheese wheels. I am, of course, talking about the great and powerful Potion Seller.

For those who aren't keeping up with all the modern greats in the fantasy genre, Potion Seller is a character created by Justin Kuritzkes for his magnum opus, a seminal piece of fantasy fiction titled, "Double U, Double U, Double U Dot YouTube Dot Com Forward Slash Watch Question Mark V Equals R Underscore FQU4KzN7A." The beloved story focuses on a single conversation between a knight and a merchant selling potions.

Although the scale of the story may be small, what it depicts is still impactful. The knight, preparing to go into battle, asks for the Potion Seller's "strongest potions," to which the Potion Seller responds by rebuking his request. His potions, as it turns out, are too strong for the knight, according to the seller, and thus the knight would not be able to handle them.

The knight, exerting whatever authority he has, attempts to press on, demanding that the Potion Seller give him his "strongest potions" once again. "My strongest potions will kill you, traveler, you can't handle my strongest potions," he replies. In this moment, the message behind the story becomes clear. You see, in the eyes of the Potion Seller, the knight is just another person, a "traveler." Whatever accolades the knight has gathered in battle thus far are not important, for the seller, the power of his potions are all that matter and it is his responsibility to ensure that they are only given to those he has confidence in ... for their own good.

"YOU BETTER GO TO A SELLER THAT SELLS WEAKER POTIONS," says Potion Seller, attempting to make the knight see sense.

The knight, taken back by the Potion Sellers unwavering morals and values, arrogantly asserts himself once again. "I'm telling you right now," he begins, "I'm going into battle, and I need only your strongest potions." The arrogance of the knight becomes clear. This is a story about hubris and how it can be the undoing of even the most self-assured heroes.

"MY STRONGEST POTIONS WOULD KILL A DRAGON, LET ALONE A MAN," the Potion Seller clapeth back. "YOU NEED A SELLER, THAT SELLS WEAKER POTIONS ... because my potions ARE TOO STRONG." The knight's desperate pleas are cast aside, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE MY STRONGEST POTIONS. NO ONE CAN!!!!!!!! MY STRONGEST POTIONS ARE FIT FOR A BEAST LET ALONE A MAN."

In this moment, it becomes clear that "Double U, Double U, Double U Dot YouTube Dot Com Forward Slash Watch Question Mark V Equals R Underscore FQU4KzN7A" is also the story of how those that the masses would dismiss as a lowly member of society--a mere potion seller--can wield strength even greater than champions of the realm.

He may be branded "a rascal with no respect for knights" but, ultimately, the Potion Seller stuck to his convictions. He respected the power of his potions and, in the face of a would-be hero, he stuck up for himself, begging the question: Who was the real hero?

Answer: It's the Potion Seller
Answer: It's the Potion Seller

In The Elder Scrolls VI, whatever it may become, players will inevitably be cast as the hero and go on a journey to save the lands, untangle political turmoil, and become a legendary figure for the peoples of the lands to sing songs about and deify. But there's also an opportunity to make the little characters count, to remind adventurers that, while they may be on a quest to decide the fates of many, others have their own destinies, be it collecting wheels of cheese or choosing who to sell potions to.

And who better to remind people about this than arguably the most important representation of the little-guy-standing-up-for-himself fantasy archetype, the Potion Seller. He deserves to be in The Elder Scrolls VI. He is too important to fantasy fiction not to be. To that end, we at GameSpot have created a petition to urge Bethesda to reach out to acclaimed author Justin Kuritzkes and bring Potion Seller to The Elder Scrolls VI. Please sign and support this noble cause.

Thank you,

GameSpot's Very Online Staff Members

Got a news tip or want to contact us directly? Email news@gamespot.com


tamz

Tamoor Hussain

Tamoor Hussain is the Managing Editor of GameSpot. He has been covering the video game industry for a really long time, having worked in news, features, reviews, video, and more. He loves Bloodborne and other From Software titles, is partial to the stealth genre, and can hold his own in fighting games too. Fear the Old Blood.

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thereal25

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Tamoor, are you okay buddy?

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Squattingpig

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Three minutes is way to short.

We want more.

Please.

I know it will be a push and you'll need to write more material but wow.

This has gone viral? Surely.

The funniest thing iv ever seen.

This is not click bait.

This is genius.

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BasketballFan

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@squattingpig: Every single comment in this thread disagrees with you, literally.

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Sindroid

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Looks like someone hacked GS and posted some crap..

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KyleADOlson

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Very often this website has some bad content nowadays, but this takes the cake. It feels like the work of a 11 year old, repeating the details of a video he thought was funny.

Although more likely that author thought this was a good idea when he was high.

It's not about Elder Scrolls. Any fantasy game upcoming could have been used.

This isn't "so bad it's good." Bad comedy is rarely that. It's tiresome. It's not that we don't want to laugh, it's that this is like sitting through a bad standup act. Most people will just walk out.

As an editor, I don't think I would have accepted this content. It's a failure both from the writer and the editorial staff. I get that the writer had a deadline and the website needs it's content, but it would have been better if this had not been posted, as it encourages people not to come.

Please, do some actual research about something or give us an opinion about something that matters, not this kind of trash.

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dts15

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Well shit, I tried but I don’t think I can reach a level that makes this amusing.

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BasketballFan

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@dts15: Crack cocaine

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locke90

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@basketballfan: theres not enough of that in the world to make this funny

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dts15

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I don’t think I’m high enough

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WitIsWisdom

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That is one of the most annoying videos I have ever had the displeasure of watching.. not only was it not funny, it never even got to the point where it was even semi entertaining. What in the hell is this even supposed to be for? This site continues reaching new low bars, when I didn't think it possible.

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Avatar image for deactivated-611611d19b9ca
deactivated-611611d19b9ca

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This is one of the nerdiest, dumbest articles you guys have ever posted.

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deactivated-6793e8ba0e8bf

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I've never heard of this guy before this article. Strange video, but I think he could probably do some good voice work. For whatever reason, it reminded me of an old 80s fantasy movie, like Excalibur or Krull. Maybe in delivery, or level of dialog, haha.

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Xepherxv

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Edited By Xepherxv

This is a really bad article and a dumb idea.

Cheers.

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Avatar image for deactivated-5ed3275ccace5
deactivated-5ed3275ccace5

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How about a petition for using a new engine and not releasing the game broken?

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shadowwarrior4

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@hrv_25: lol good joke

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PrpleTrtleBuBum

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@shadowwarrior4: yeah. i can deal with the engine and brokeness. what needs petition is to not introduce f76/blades mechanics into tes 6

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Cherub1000

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C'mon GS, this is tragic. How can you honestly call this an article? I understand the need for clicks but at the cost of your self respect? You can be better than this guys.

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Brakkyn

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I thought this was going to be about that grandma Skyrim streamer or some such.

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R34Vegeta

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@Brakkyn: Honestly, I did to, and then my first thought was "holy shit, did she die?!" and felt sad.

But no, it's some idiot thinking a stupid ass (awful) meme needs to be put into ES6.

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Slinqy

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Just give me Serana.

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Fierce_Deity_08

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All I ask for the next Elder Scrolls game is to be single player and have attractive Argonian males.

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Fud_Sang

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Bethesda please don't do any of this...this is garbage. Instead make a good single player game. Ya know, like the ones that made your name worth a damn to us. Please come home Bethesda. We miss you.

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Cherub1000

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@fud_sang: I hope they're out there and reading comments like this. Please bot another fallout disaster, let's get back to the incredible times of oblivion and skyrim!

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BobaFatt

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"For those who aren't keeping up with all the modern greats in the fantasy genre..."

Did you just discover the internet? This video has been around forever. Before Skyrim, even.

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Marky360

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Edited By Marky360

Ok admit it how many of y'all cringed when you read "Skyrim line of video game product"

LOL 😂 😂 😂 come on you know you did. That's like the ppl who say they can't wait for Skyrim 2 lol 😂 😂 😂

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DancingCactus

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@Marky360: I don't mind waiting for Skyrim 2. If it takes a while, that just means they're making it as good as possible.

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DancingCactus

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Is it possible to report articles as spam?

Can we flag authors?

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Marky360

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@dancingcactus:

LOL after this we should be lol 😂 😂 😂

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Saladudo

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Stop it. Get some help.

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deactivated-64efdf49333c4

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GS needs more Winslow. Should help crowd out...whatever this is.

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Lord_Sesshy

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Intervention needed for GS.

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deactivated-5dabbfdb7ffb6

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This article is embarrassing garbage.

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Daidochus

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Tamz my Persian friend step yo game up.

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R34Vegeta

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Edited By R34Vegeta

What the actual rainbow colored flying **** even is this?

I usually scoff at people that use the whole "slow news day" comment, but holy shit...slow fucking news day?

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Blade_Runner_07

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Gamespot. I'm here if you need to talk.

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asnakeneverdies

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Edited By asnakeneverdies

I've no idea what this is, or what it means. Is it supposed to be funny? Who knows! You're weird, GameSpot. Anyhow, it would be far more useful to challenge their expectations of compromising yet another release through parasitic predation.

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