Garnett = Garnett Lee (host)
John = John Davison
Shane = Shane Bettenhausen
David = David Ellis
Here's a partial transcript (I omit interjected "exactly"s and "right"s) from 1UP Yours 11/07/08 podcast:
Shane: You were hopeful and optimistic about having a family-bonding experience.
Garnett: And a mere five seconds before we started it you said what about Wii Music?
John: Miyamoto has jumped the shark ... it's official. He's gone beyond appealing to the casual and has just dipped into the inane.
Shane: But you have the target market.
John: I have the target market. I wrote about this in the new EGM as well. I have a three year old and five year old. They lasted 15 minutes.
Garnett: Well that's good value right there.
John: After 15 minutes, my 5 year old asked me if he could play Madden again because he was bored, and my 3 year old wasn't interested in anything other than the drums and he didn't really understand it. I mean it's just inane. It's boring. What the **** were you guys thinking giving it an A?!
Garnett: What do you mean "what the *** were you GUYS"? Did any of us review that?
John: 1UP gave it an A, or an A minus or something!
Garnett: So former editorial director of 1UP who is all about personalities and said people should speak their voices, now you're making us an institutional voice?
John: Well I think you guys made yourselves into an institutional voice. It has nothing to do with me.
Garnett: How did we make ourselves into— well that's a long story we won't even go into, but, I'm not taking any credit for that review.
Shane: I will say that was among the highest reviews.
John: It was WAAAAAY higher than everybody else ...Next highest score is 80 and that was kind.
Shane: If you look at the meta {Metacritic} it runs the gamut from 2 to 9.
Garnett: Well I just withheld THREE lines that went through my head in the back of my head.
John: It's ****ing garbage. (others laughing) They should be ashamed of it.
Shane: But okay. Isn't it kind of fun for a little bit?
John: NOOO!! It's not kind of fun for anybody. Based purely on reputation and to some extent, you got that review, before I showed it to kids, I sat down with my wife and said, "this would probably be the kind of game you like. It's like not really game-y, it's just sort of like an interactive toy."
Shane: Okay how quickly did you feel like an idiot?
John: So two minutes after we started playing it, she looked at me and said, "are you calling me an idiot?" (everyone laughs hysterically)
Shane: She's like, is this what you think of me?!
John: Exactly. It's like, "what are you saying about me that you think— this is boring!" So like, a non-gamer found it boring, a 5 year old found it boring, I found it boring, a 3 year old found it boring.
David (I think): But it's got some real toe-tappin' tunes in it!
Shane: Is it because the music selection is public domain, or is it because—
David: —the MIDI files?
Shane: There's no winning or losing really.
John: Well there's no winning or losing, but I think the other problem is it's inside out in the way that you play it because in every other music game, you press a button and it makes a note. In this, when you press a button, it's like you're opening a hole in a wall behind which the song is playing. (others laugh) And if you happen to open the hole at the wrong time, you don't hear it right. It's like the song is playing whether you do anything or not.
Shane: Right. You're just kinda making it better.
John: And you are opening up the opportunity to hear it. You're not playing the notes necessarily. And that's why a 3 year old can't understand it, because to him, he thought: "two drumsticks, drumkit, bang bang bang bang bang. Okay why didn't it do it that time?" Oh well you weren't doing it on the beat. How how do you explain that to somebody? Because you have to play along with it correctly
Shane: So you don't get the wrong notes, you only get the right notes when you do them at the right time.
John: Ya, or you get the right extra notes if you activate them correctly. So the only song the kids really knew was Twinkle Twinkle and... if you know Twinkle Twinkle, and you tap it out in time with the music, you get the tune. And if you start introducing eighths and sixteenths, then you get the flourishes. But if you just do it randomly, you get this cacophonous garbage noise coming out.
Shane: What we heard at E3 when they played the Mario theme and it sounded like garbage.
John: But then the conducting doesn't work like conducting, because conducting is standing in front of the orchestra and providing the time for them.
Shane: But it's just like tempo. I've played that. If you continue at the right the tempo it happens and it's not fun, really.
John: But you are instructing the musicians specifically. So it kind of breaks its own gameplay in the conducting because you think, okay it's conducting... So you should be doing the gestures and they should be playing along with them. You're not. You are waving almost specific notes. In Vivaldi's Four Seaons, by the time it gets to the violin solo in the middle, you have to shake the controller really hard to get him to do it and it's just uncomfortable and it's boring and it sounds like ****. At what point did they all sit around and go, "ya, people are going to have a great time with this!"
Shane:... well you know, we haven't seen the US sales yet but we have seen the Japanese sales. After two weeks, it's like 120K, which is pretty good but nothing compared to Wii Fit, Wii Sports, Wii Play. So it's kinda being seen as a misstep.
David: For me, the game's called Wii Music - it's using MIDI files and the music, even when it's playing, doesn't sound good. That makes no sense to me.
Garnett: And you can't blame the Wii for that because the Wii can do good sound.
John: Certain instruments sound good, like the piano sounds good, but the guitar sounds like ass, the drums are okay, the handbells are okay.
Shane: And it's not as if Wii players aren't buying real music games because I saw Titillo's blog, he had a big post about how Rock Band on Wii has actually become one of the best-selling games.
Wii Music: boring children to tears and ruining marriages since October 20, 2008!
Log in to comment