A Chimp is Suing its Owner

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/04/27/magazine/the-rights-of-man-and-beast.html?smid=fb-nytimes&WT.z_sma=MG_SAC_20140423&bicmp=AD&bicmlukp=WT.mc_id&bicmst=1388552400000&bicmet=1420088400000&_r=0

This is a long-ass article, so tl;dr: lawyer is arguing for the right to legal personhood for some animals, is representing an abused chimpanzee in a lawsuit.

Also, dolphins were declared non-human persons in India last year.

Cool.

I hope they compensate the chimp with feces

No way, India made a law granting protection to a group of animals? Holy cow! (Sorry, I had to.)

Seriously though, I wonder if this will apply to dogs, as well. It would be interesting to see how it will change everyone's reaction when cops kill dogs. I'm sure you've all seen those "puppycide" stories, where some 250-lb cop walks up to a house with a gun in one hand and a doughnut in the other (for identification purposes,) but is then challenged by a 10-lb terrier yipping at his heels, and he's forced to shoot the dire beast in the head in order to protect himself. And then each time it happens, what's the result? The social media blow up about it.

This is so unjust. We should treat these dogs the same way we treat people. When a cop kills a dog, he should receive a paid vacation from the force for a week, get patted on the back and taken out for beers by his peers, and then nobody else on the planet should ever care about it, just like if he killed a human.

Poor cops, always being unfairly harassed for killing puppies.

I'm off to eat a burger.

There is no need to be upset

Send his ass back to Africa, where he'll be poached at a chimpanzee refuge run by fat westerners in safari outfits, where he'll be slaughtered by a 10 year old with an AK47 wearing a decades old Curious George t-shirt from the 80s, and his carcass will be chopped up and sold to China as some "ancient wisdom" New Age hemorrhoid remedy.

La Toya may endorse Bubbles to sue her dead brother

. . .I think you've gone too long without a hit.

That would be a disaster. There are millions of stray dogs in the USA, and that's JUST the dogs. This number balloons if we also include the cats. If we're treating them like people, that means we can't euthanize them against their will, which means we have to set up a massive welfare system to care for all of these unwanted animals. I doubt that taxpayers are gonna be too happy about that.

ROFLMAO

@one_plum: While I know this to be true, it still somewhat jostled my johnnies.