Bad social life at college...what to do?

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the_plan_man

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#1 the_plan_man
Member since 2011 • 1664 Posts

I considered switching schools several times, but eventually decided on sticking with my current school. However, at the school I have really no social life, and really only go through the motions in terms of classes and assignments without ever really making any kind of friend. I am generally irritated at a lot of the people there, as a lot are just douchebags there, and I once tried to join a fraternity, but got rejected. Is there any way I could improve on this?

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EagleEyedOne

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#2 EagleEyedOne
Member since 2013 • 1676 Posts

You don't have a bad social life. You have an ill perception on what your social life ought to be.

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Amvis

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#3 Amvis
Member since 2007 • 510 Posts

Talk to your room mates or go to campus events. And drink whenever you are at social events.

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MakeMeaSammitch

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#4 MakeMeaSammitch
Member since 2012 • 4889 Posts

make friends. 

If you suck at making freinds keep trying and you'll get better at it.

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the_plan_man

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#5 the_plan_man
Member since 2011 • 1664 Posts

make friends. 

If you suck at making freinds keep trying and you'll get better at it.

MakeMeaSammitch
I tried that back in high school, but then I was a victim of severe bullying my junior year, so afterwards I became more introverted (my natural self).
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MakeMeaSammitch

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#6 MakeMeaSammitch
Member since 2012 • 4889 Posts

[QUOTE="MakeMeaSammitch"]

make friends. 

If you suck at making freinds keep trying and you'll get better at it.

the_plan_man

I tried that back in high school, but then I was a victim of severe bullying my junior year, so afterwards I became more introverted (my natural self).

that really sucks, I was the same way, but now I'm an extrovert with some good freinds.

I think the best advice I could give you is just get as much social experience as you can. I really feel like the amount of experience you have is the biggest player in social success and it will help you open up. Even if it's hard or doesn't work, keep trying and you'll get better at it. Talk to classmates, talk at parties, maybe join a small club if that would make you feel more confortable.

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Amvis

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#7 Amvis
Member since 2007 • 510 Posts

Aren't there like video game events on campus? They had them at my college, although I never attended.

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Allicrombie

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#8 Allicrombie
Member since 2005 • 26223 Posts
you're in college, you're not supposed to have a social life. This isn't Animal House.
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deactivated-5acfa3a8bc51d

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#9 deactivated-5acfa3a8bc51d
Member since 2005 • 7914 Posts
Do your homework and work more hours.
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lonewolf604

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#10 lonewolf604
Member since 2007 • 8748 Posts
Join a club. Ask someone to study with, or form a study group.
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CommandoAgent

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#11 CommandoAgent
Member since 2005 • 1703 Posts
you're in college, you're not supposed to have a social life. This isn't Animal House.Allicrombie
arent colleges for socializing as well?
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GamerForca

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#13 GamerForca
Member since 2005 • 7203 Posts
Well, if it's that much of a concern to you, then you might want to reconsider switching to a school with a more social atmosphere. Or, if you live on campus, you might want to find new roommates (if you don't already have friends, then finding roommates who DO could make a huge difference). You won't meet many people with roommates who refuse to socialize. And lastly, join clubs and volunteer organizations. The latter is probably your best bet.
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EagleEyedOne

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#14 EagleEyedOne
Member since 2013 • 1676 Posts

UCSB is the school for you if you really wish to have a social life. Golita is a party town.

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EagleEyedOne

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#15 EagleEyedOne
Member since 2013 • 1676 Posts

UCSB is the school for you if you really wish to have a social life. Golita is a party town.

EagleEyedOne
Maybe live in Carpinteria and go to SB City College and move your way up to UCSB if you don't feel comfortable enough.
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lostrib

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#16 lostrib
Member since 2009 • 49999 Posts

I think you're trying to make the wrong kind of friends

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EagleEyedOne

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#17 EagleEyedOne
Member since 2013 • 1676 Posts

I think you're trying to make the wrong kind of friends

lostrib
I think that too. The kids at Yale or Columbia don't occupy themselves with thoughts of being social kings.
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Gaming-Planet

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#18 Gaming-Planet
Member since 2008 • 21107 Posts

Join the anime club (if they have one)

I'm sure a personality like yours would fit in just fine.

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cain006

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#19 cain006
Member since 2008 • 8625 Posts

Join the anime club (if they have one)

I'm sure a personality like yours would fit in just fine.

Gaming-Planet

I never got the point of those. What do you do, just talk about anime/manga? Or do you sit there and watch anime in a group? Either sounds pretty weird.

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EagleEyedOne

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#20 EagleEyedOne
Member since 2013 • 1676 Posts

Join the anime club (if they have one)

I'm sure a personality like yours would fit in just fine.

Gaming-Planet
This is the worst advice. Forget it.
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EagleEyedOne

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#21 EagleEyedOne
Member since 2013 • 1676 Posts

Unless you are at Yale, Princeton or Harvard then just act like the biggest, baddest mofo in school.

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AbstractRadical

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#22 AbstractRadical
Member since 2013 • 632 Posts
Just try to talk to people that are more like you and stop trying to hang with frat boys.
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ferrari2001

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#23 ferrari2001
Member since 2008 • 17772 Posts
umm what are your hobbies? Schools usually have clubs for just about every imaginable hobby. Join one of those clubs, meet people with the same hobbies as you and then build up a social life. Pretty easy.
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ferrari2001

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#24 ferrari2001
Member since 2008 • 17772 Posts
Just try to talk to people that are more like you and stop trying to hang with frat boys. AbstractRadical
You should never start trying to hang with frat boys. Their level of living is that of a 3 or 4 year old only it involves alcohol instead of milk. Try seeking the more beneficial and meaningful friendships with people you can have a conversation with.
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szafto

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#25 szafto
Member since 2006 • 1389 Posts
Friends arent really important, don't worry! I have friends but i can go months without talking to them i can't really connect to anyone.
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Rattlesnake_8

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#26 Rattlesnake_8
Member since 2004 • 18452 Posts
you're in college, you're not supposed to have a social life. This isn't Animal House.Allicrombie
Exactly.. college isn't about partying like in the movies. It's about studying hard and learning everything you can so you can get a good job and earn lots of money to support yourself and family.
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szafto

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#27 szafto
Member since 2006 • 1389 Posts
[QUOTE="Allicrombie"]you're in college, you're not supposed to have a social life. This isn't Animal House.Rattlesnake_8
Exactly.. college isn't about partying like in the movies. It's about studying hard and learning everything you can so you can get a good job and earn lots of money to support yourself and family.

But that's not what 'Life' is about. Eff materialistic things it's all about empathy, understanding and open-mindness.
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ferrari2001

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#28 ferrari2001
Member since 2008 • 17772 Posts
[QUOTE="Allicrombie"]you're in college, you're not supposed to have a social life. This isn't Animal House.Rattlesnake_8
Exactly.. college isn't about partying like in the movies. It's about studying hard and learning everything you can so you can get a good job and earn lots of money to support yourself and family.

Can't have a family is you are unwilling or unable to make friends. With that mind set it will be just you living by yourself at home with your money. You definitely should work hard and put studies first, but you've got to make and initiate friendships as well.
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Ricardomz

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#29 Ricardomz
Member since 2012 • 2715 Posts

make friends. 

If you suck at making freinds keep trying and you'll get better at it.

MakeMeaSammitch

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Godly_Cure

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#30 Godly_Cure
Member since 2007 • 4293 Posts
Make friends. If this a hard for you to do then I do not think going to another school will help you. Anyway you should go to the school for the major not the social life.
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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#31 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

I will say this, it's the only time in your life that you're going to be around hundreds of potential mates that are similar in intelligence and social status to you. Nearly everyone I know in Canada that's married and is younger than 40 met at Uni.

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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#32 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

I will say this, it's the only time in your life that you're going to be around hundreds of potential mates that are similar in intelligence and social status to you. Nearly everyone I know in Canada that's married and is younger than 40 met at Uni.

Storm_Marine

and by mates I don't mean the australian usage of the word

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ferrari2001

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#33 ferrari2001
Member since 2008 • 17772 Posts

[QUOTE="Storm_Marine"]

I will say this, it's the only time in your life that you're going to be around hundreds of potential mates that are similar in intelligence and social status to you. Nearly everyone I know in Canada that's married and is younger than 40 met at Uni.

Storm_Marine

and by mates I don't mean the australian usage of the word

You mean bow chicka wow wow.
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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#34 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

[QUOTE="Storm_Marine"]

[QUOTE="Storm_Marine"]

I will say this, it's the only time in your life that you're going to be around hundreds of potential mates that are similar in intelligence and social status to you. Nearly everyone I know in Canada that's married and is younger than 40 met at Uni.

ferrari2001

and by mates I don't mean the australian usage of the word

You mean bow chicka wow wow.

i mean relationships in general and the benefits that come with them

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rocinante_

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#35 rocinante_
Member since 2012 • 1772 Posts

strike up a conversation with some people in your class. a new semester is comin up, aye? that's the best time to meet new people, when you're waiting for class to start, after class, when you're waitin for the bus, etc.

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GummiRaccoon

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#36 GummiRaccoon
Member since 2003 • 13799 Posts

Just give up, after reading your responses it is clear that you won't take any advice to heart and you are only interested in making excuses.

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the_plan_man

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#37 the_plan_man
Member since 2011 • 1664 Posts

Just give up, after reading your responses it is clear that you won't take any advice to heart and you are only interested in making excuses.

GummiRaccoon
I only gave one response, and none were excuses...
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TacticalDesire

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#38 TacticalDesire
Member since 2010 • 10713 Posts

Oh sure, make me worried right when I'm about to start freshman year.

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the_plan_man

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#39 the_plan_man
Member since 2011 • 1664 Posts

Oh sure, make me worried right when I'm about to start freshman year.

TacticalDesire
Just as long as you're not attending the school I am, I'm sure you'll be fine...
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follyconvention

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#40 follyconvention
Member since 2013 • 25 Posts
Can I also assume that you lack social experience too? You may find this kind of advice meaningless, but perhaps you should try to conquer this self defeating mentality by working or volunteering for tough manual labour to a degree that you may gain physical and social experiences along with adults that work to pay bills.
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cain006

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#41 cain006
Member since 2008 • 8625 Posts

[QUOTE="AbstractRadical"]Just try to talk to people that are more like you and stop trying to hang with frat boys. ferrari2001
You should never start trying to hang with frat boys. Their level of living is that of a 3 or 4 year old only it involves alcohol instead of milk. Try seeking the more beneficial and meaningful friendships with people you can have a conversation with.

That's not true at all. One of my friends is in a frat and it's like 75% engineers. Sure they party once or twice a week but they also volunteer a lot and do great stuff for the community. In fact I think it's required for fraternities to do community service. Just because some frat guys are obnoxious assholes doesn't mean they all are.

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POKE777GM

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#42 POKE777GM
Member since 2009 • 53 Posts

Focus on your career, if you don't lack self confidence you're OK.

 

Eventually you'll find your own crew but till then don't force it upon you.

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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#43 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

Oh sure, make me worried right when I'm about to start freshman year.

TacticalDesire

you're screwed

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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#44 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

Focus on your career, if you don't lack self confidence you're OK.

 

Eventually you'll find your own crew but till then don't force it upon you.

POKE777GM

that's better in theory than practice

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dude_brahmski

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#45 dude_brahmski
Member since 2013 • 472 Posts

Just go do the socializing thing. Eventually you'll run into peeps that don't p!ss you the fvck off.

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POKE777GM

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#46 POKE777GM
Member since 2009 • 53 Posts

[QUOTE="POKE777GM"]

Focus on your career, if you don't lack self confidence you're OK.

 

Eventually you'll find your own crew but till then don't force it upon you.

Storm_Marine

that's better in theory than practice

Not really. If you're in a good job, you'll have good coworkers, live in a better neighbourhood, have more leisure money..etc.. All of this will result in better socializing environments. It's not a coincidence for successful people to have all that charisma. These things affect you and your persona.
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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#47 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

[QUOTE="Storm_Marine"]

[QUOTE="POKE777GM"]

Focus on your career, if you don't lack self confidence you're OK.

 

Eventually you'll find your own crew but till then don't force it upon you.

POKE777GM

that's better in theory than practice

Not really. If you're in a good job, you'll have good coworkers, live in a better neighbourhood, have more leisure money..etc.. All of this will result in better socializing environments. It's not a coincidence for successful people to have all that charisma. These things affect you and your persona.

not in my experience, well except for the leisure money.

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POKE777GM

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#48 POKE777GM
Member since 2009 • 53 Posts

[QUOTE="POKE777GM"][QUOTE="Storm_Marine"]

that's better in theory than practice

Storm_Marine

Not really. If you're in a good job, you'll have good coworkers, live in a better neighbourhood, have more leisure money..etc.. All of this will result in better socializing environments. It's not a coincidence for successful people to have all that charisma. These things affect you and your persona.

not in my experience, well except for the leisure money.

Mind sharing your experience? Maybe OP and the others can gain more insight.
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deactivated-598fc45371265

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#49 deactivated-598fc45371265
Member since 2008 • 13247 Posts

[QUOTE="Storm_Marine"]

[QUOTE="POKE777GM"] Not really. If you're in a good job, you'll have good coworkers, live in a better neighbourhood, have more leisure money..etc.. All of this will result in better socializing environments. It's not a coincidence for successful people to have all that charisma. These things affect you and your persona.POKE777GM

not in my experience, well except for the leisure money.

Mind sharing your experience? Maybe OP and the others can gain more insight.

Well the first pearl of wisdom is that it's hard to find decent friends and girls that aren't prostitutes in a oil industry boom-town.

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Gaming-Planet

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#50 Gaming-Planet
Member since 2008 • 21107 Posts

[QUOTE="Gaming-Planet"]

Join the anime club (if they have one)

I'm sure a personality like yours would fit in just fine.

cain006

I never got the point of those. What do you do, just talk about anime/manga? Or do you sit there and watch anime in a group? Either sounds pretty weird.

You get to hang out with kawaii girls.