Do you have any good jokes?

and it is?Jack2324rox3

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A chick walks into a bar and says, "Where did that come from?"

A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a call girl. I can make $400 for what I give you for free."

"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."

[QUOTE="Jack2324rox3"]and it is?xTheExploited

No..and those other jokes weren't funny either :(..

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

-Mitch Hedberg.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

-Mitch Hedberg.

Tweetie-Pot

:lol: Hee!

What happened to the wooden car? [spoiler] It wooden go :| [/spoiler] v13_KiiLtz

:lol: Now this man is a comedian!

YOUR MOTHER :PLogan1616

He said GOOD jokes.

:P

[QUOTE="Logan1616"]YOUR MOTHER :PCeraby

He said GOOD jokes.

:P

[QUOTE="Logan1616"]YOUR MOTHER :PCeraby

He said GOOD jokes.

:P

[QUOTE="Ceraby"]

[QUOTE="Logan1616"]YOUR MOTHER :PXx_Hopeless_xX

He said GOOD jokes.

:P

[QUOTE="Xx_Hopeless_xX"][QUOTE="Ceraby"]

He said GOOD jokes.

:P

Logan1616

A guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch."

*crickets go off*

What happened to the wooden car? [spoiler] It wooden go :| [/spoiler] v13_KiiLtz

Haha, its kinda sad that this is actually the only funny one thats been said.

knock knock

who's there?

*walks out of thread*

Haha, its kinda sad that this is actually the only funny one thats been said.

NeveorNafelian

Mine was funny. Well it wasn't really mine but still.

I'm copying the joke from a website just because it'll tell it better.

------

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm.

He yelled to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some deaths among the crew, the pirates were defeated.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate ships sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on!

The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'

I'm copying the joke from a website just because it'll tell it better.

------

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm.

He yelled to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some deaths among the crew, the pirates were defeated.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate ships sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on!

The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'

Atmanix

Bill EngvallTweetie-Pot

Really? I didn't know that. Someone told it to me at work a few years ago.

[QUOTE="Tweetie-Pot"]Bill EngvallAtmanix

Really? I didn't know that. Someone told it to me at work a few years ago.

A homeless american army vet falls down and breaks his arm, he can't get help since he has no insurance.

What not funny enough?

I don't know any off by heart. So I will direct you to this video of Billy Connolly getting a colonoscopy. If you don't find it funny, check your pulse :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBMsPNI6EZE (be warned it has strong but funny language)

what is the difference between a water bottle and puberity?

[spoiler] the water bottle already hit justin beiber [/spoiler]

the rest are very raunchy

(i will never eat corn ever again!!)

A bartender is minding his bar, when a group of 8 blondes comes in and orders a round of drinks. They toast to the chant "4 to 6 years", give each other high gives, and finish their drinks. Two more groups of blondes comes in and do the same thing. Finally the bartender asks one of the blondes what they are toasting to. She states, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It said 4 to 6 years on the box, but we finished it in 3 weeks!"

Do you have any better topics to make?:x

Did you hear about the skeleton that didn't go to the party?

He had nobody to go with.

An engineer dies and gets sent to Hell. It's crummy down there so he puts in air conditioning and flush toilets and he starts building escalators. One day God calls up Satan and says, "how's it going down there?" Satan says, "not so bad. We just got air conditioning and flush toilets and pretty soon we'll have escalators." God says, "you're not supposed to have that kind of stuff. What's going on?" Satan says, "I just got an engineer down here. He's great." God says, "there's obviously been a mixup somewhere. Send that engineer up here right away!" Satan says, "no way. I love having him here." God says, "if you don't send that engineer up here immediately, I'll sue." Satan says, "oh yeah? Where are you gonna get a lawyer?"

Mushroom walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says "Sorry we don't serve your kind here" The Mushroom says " Aw come on. I'm a fun guy."Tweetie-Pot

[QUOTE="Jack2324rox3"]and it is?xTheExploited

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

A chick walks into a bar and says, "Where did that come from?"

A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, "I'm going to become a call girl. I can make $400 for what I give you for free."

"I'm coming with you," the man replies. "I want to see you live on $800 a year."

my_mortal_coil

[QUOTE="xTheExploited"][QUOTE="Jack2324rox3"]and it is?Baconbits2004

Four guys are going along: a guy from Saudi Arabia, a guy from Russia, a guy from North Korea, and a guy from New York City. A reporter comes up to them and says, "excuse me, gentlemen, could I have your opinion on the current meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "what a shortage?" The Russian says, "what's meat?" The North Korean says, "what's an opinion?" And the guy from New York City says, "what does 'excuse me' mean?"

One day Moses and Jesus hold a competition of miracles. Gathered before the faithful on the banks of a river, the chosen event is walking on water. Moses steps out on to the surface of the river and calmly walks across to the other side. Jesus steps out and immediately plunges in up to his chest. As Moses goes over to haul him out he whispers in his ear, "On the stones! On the stones!"

a bear walks into a bar and the bar tender goes

"what can i get you"

the bear says " i would like a drink...............

............

..............

............

............

...............

.......................

................

.....

and a sandwhich...

The bartender goes "whats with the pause"

the bears says" i dunno, i was born with them"

A three-legged dog walks into a western bar and says "I'm lookin' for the guy who shot my pa' "

A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel attached to his pelvis. The bartender looks up and says, "Man, that thing looks uncomfortable." to which the pirate replies "Yar, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Doctor

Doctor Who?

..

Why did the pig go to the kitchen?

[spoiler] Because he felt like bacon(baking.) [/spoiler]