Favorite Simpsons quote?

Lisa: "You're replacing me?"

Homer: "Dumping is such a harsh word. Let's say im replacing you."

"I don't care what you say, I can taste the newspaper!"

That was Edna to Skinner talking about school lunches in the ep where the teachers go on strike. Probably my favorite Simpsons episode.

Goes something like this.

*Homer slides hands together while driving*

Homer: Problem solved!

Marge: Homer, keep your hands on the wheel!

Homer (casually): You got it.

Sooooooo..... Death to America right?

lisa needs bracesDman0017

not as much a quote as a poem Lisa wrote to in rememberance of Snowball, I really like how dark and gloomy Lisa really is ^^

Shut up, it's still awesome.

Awh, Skinner. You've slapper around your Willie for the last time!

Homer: You've got to impress the people, Mr Burns, and I'm not easily impressed. Wow! A blue car!

"You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." -Homer

In a game of checkers you can never let your enemy see your pieces. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!

Shut up, it's still awesome.

freek666

Make a Futurama quote thread than.

[QUOTE="Dman0017"]lisa needs braceshydralisk86

Both of you just made my day.

[QUOTE="freek666"]In a game of checkers you can never let your enemy see your pieces. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominos will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate!

Shut up, it's still awesome.

yabbicoke

Make a Futurama quote thread than.

nour.

I have so many favourites...

---

CHALMERS: Good lord, what is happening in there?!
SKINNER: Aurora Borealis?
CHALMERS: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?
SKINNER: Yes!
CHALMERS: ...May I see it?
SKINNER: ...No.
AGNES: Seymour! The house is on fire!
SKINNER: No, mother! It's just the northern lights!

---

HOMER: He came to life. Good for him!

---

CARL: Hey, I hear we're going to Ape Island!
LENNY: Yeah, to capture a giant ape! I wish we were going to Candy Apple Island!
CHARLIE: Candy Apple Island? What have they got there?
CARL: Apes. But they're not so big.

---

GRAMPA: One way is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I had to catch the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the styIe at the time. To catch the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebess on them! "Give me five bees for a quarter" you'd say. Now where, was I? Oh yeah, I had tied an onion to my belt, which was the styIe at the time. You couldn't get white onions because of the war, the only thing you could get were those big yellow ones.

---

CHIEF WIGGUM: (cooking eggs on his hot car engine) Mmm, engine-block eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sitting pretty.
(Marge and Ruth drive past)
HOMER: Chief! It's them!
CHIEF WIGGUM: Quiet! I can't hear the eggs.

---

one more...

CHALMERS: Skinner...
SKINNER: Hmm?
CHALMERS: YOU'RE FIRED!
(everyone gasps)
SKINNER: (angrily) I'm sorry, did... Did you just call me a liar?!
CHALMER: No, I said 'you're fired'.
SKINNER: Oh.... that's much worse.

---

I love cl@ssic Simpsons. There are so many amazing quotes. I could sit here listing them all night.

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

***

Barney: Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?

***

[Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]
Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: D'oh.

***

Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

"You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." -Homer

oneMoreComment

Abe: "I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you too..."

i always think of this when i see things the kiddies are all going crazy over and i'm like wtf is this crap?? they're changing IT....

Milhouse: Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had any goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

Apu: Mrs. Simpson, I--I cannot go there. That is the scene of my spiritual depantsing.

Principal Skinner: That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.

"Don't look where I'm pointing." That line is from the movie, when Bart is skateboarding down the street. An old woman shouts as she points to Bart.

"Don't look where I'm pointing." That line is from the movie, when Bart is skateboarding down the street. An old woman shouts as she points to Bart.

BanjoMumbo

The movie was just full of awesome quotes.

"Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US government is completely out of credibility, so they borrowed some of mine."

"You've gone mad with power!"

"Of course I have. Ever try going mad without power? It's boring; nobody listens to you."

Mr Burns: I should be resisting this, but I'm paralysed with rage...

-

Burns: Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat to win a million-dollar bet?

Smithers: Yes, sir.

Burns: Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat to win a million-dollar bet?

Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?

-

Mr Burns: Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp.

-

Burns: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

Apu: I'm rowing as fast as I can, sir!

Burns: No! I'm having one!

-

Mr Burns: Let's see, social security number: naught, naught, naught ... naught, naught ... naught, naught, naught, two. Damn Roosevelt. Cause of parents' death: got in my way.

-

Burns: Remember, your job and the future of your family hinges on your successful completion of Nuclear Physics 101. Oh, and one more thing: (ominously) You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.

Smithers: Actually, Sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.

Burns: And the road maps? And ice scraper?

Smithers: They were in there too, sir.

Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place.

-

Mr Burns is awesome to the max.

Me No Function Beer Well Without

"Whoa, wild Kwyjibo on the loose!"

Or

"God has sent us this firery kill-rock to show us his love!"

Homer (flintstones song) : Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! *hits tree*

Homer: I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

"It was the best of times...it was the BLURST OF TIMES" I laughed so hard for some reasonToriko42

Mr Burns: I should be resisting this, but I'm paralysed with rage...

-

Burns: Smithers, I've been thinking. Is it wrong to cheat to win a million-dollar bet?

Smithers: Yes, sir.

Burns: Let me rephrase that. Is it wrong if I cheat to win a million-dollar bet?

Smithers: No, sir. Who would you like killed?

-

Mr Burns: Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp.

-

Burns: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

Apu: I'm rowing as fast as I can, sir!

Burns: No! I'm having one!

-

Mr Burns: Let's see, social security number: naught, naught, naught ... naught, naught ... naught, naught, naught, two. Damn Roosevelt. Cause of parents' death: got in my way.

-

Burns: Remember, your job and the future of your family hinges on your successful completion of Nuclear Physics 101. Oh, and one more thing: (ominously) You must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.

Smithers: Actually, Sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.

Burns: And the road maps? And ice scraper?

Smithers: They were in there too, sir.

Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place.

-

Mr Burns is awesome to the max.

super_mario_128

Love the Jade Monkey quote, and the baseball episode was just on yesterday. "Sir, all of those players have retired and are now deceased. In fact, your right fielder's been dead for over 120 years."

"Blast! Well, just round up the best players of the day. Scour the national leagues, the American leagues, the [using discretion here] leagues. Oh, and Smithers, you have twenty-four hours."

Homer: Your old meat made me sick!
Apu: Oh I am so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp as an apology.
Homer: This shrimp isn't frozen! And it smells funny!
Apu: Okay, ten pounds.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

James Woods: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fight aliens on a far away planet.
Marge: Oh, that sounds like a good movie!
James Woods: Uhh... yes, yes... movie...

Perhaps my favorite line from that episode:
Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're... selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
[Slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.

"Maybe it's the beer talking Marge, but you've got a butt that won't quit. They got these big chewy pretzels here that ar ejajdjkga;jkc ac asjdr;kac a;ca... 5 dollars!? Get outta here...."

"'Tis no man... 'tis a remorseless eating machine. Yarr!"

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of -- and solution to -- all of life's problems.

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Barney: 40 dollars!? This better be the best damn beer ever.. [drinks beer] You got lucky.

Rex Banner: What kind of pet shop is filled with rambuncious yahoos and hot jazz music at 1AM?
Moe: The best damn pet shop in town.

Homer: Your old meat made me sick!
Apu: Oh I am so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp as an apology.
Homer: This shrimp isn't frozen! And it smells funny!
Apu: Okay, ten pounds.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

James Woods: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fight aliens on a far away planet.
Marge: Oh, that sounds like a good movie!
James Woods: Uhh... yes, yes... movie...

Perhaps my favorite line from that episode:
Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're... selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
[Slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.

Ring_of_fire

I love when Homer has those moments of genius,or better yet where he says something almost genius butgets one small detail wrong. "Young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

I'm trying to think of one where he almost says something smart, but gets a detail wrong, the Charles Bronson voice guy says something like, "That's _____, Moron!"

"D'oh!"

Homer: Here's to alcohol, the cause of -- and solution to -- all of life's problems.

Homer: Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!
Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.

Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.

Homer: You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Barney: 40 dollars!? This better be the best damn beer ever.. [drinks beer] You got lucky.

Rex Banner: What kind of pet shop is filled with rambuncious yahoos and hot jazz music at 1AM?
Moe: The best damn pet shop in town.

PBSnipes

"Marge, Bart and I are going out, if we're not back avenge our deaths."

"Marge, can't talk, going out, not back avenge deaths."

"Homer, where are you going at this hour with all those bwling balls?"

"Marge, I'm not going to lie to you, bye!"

"What's the matter, Chief? You haven't touched your sundae."

"Today's not a very happy birthday for Rex Banner."

"I know you're out there, Beer Baron, and I'll find you."

"No you won't!"

"Yes I will!"

"D'oh!"

"Are you the Beer Baron?"

"Yes, but only by night. By day I'm a mild mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper."

"Don't crack wise with me tubby!"

"Are you the Beer Baron?"

"Well, if you mean root beer then I plead guil-diddily-ilty!"

"He's not the Beer Baron, but he's obviously drunk, take him in!"

I'm trying to think of one where he almost says something smart, but gets a detail wrong, the Charles Bronson voice guy says something like, "That's _____, Moron!"

"D'oh!"

theone86

"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side."

Then from another toilet stall:"That's a right-angle triangle, y'idiot!"

"D'oh!"

Smithers: Umm, sir, the people see you as somewhat of an ogre.

Burns: They what! Why I'll smash their heads and eat their bones!

***

Burns: What's this...a woman on a sailing vessel?!

Smithers: Women and Sea men dont mix.

Burns: We know what you think Smithers!

[QUOTE="theone86"]

I'm trying to think of one where he almost says something smart, but gets a detail wrong, the Charles Bronson voice guy says something like, "That's _____, Moron!"

"D'oh!"

super_mario_128

"The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side."

Then from another toilet stall:"That's a right-angle triangle, y'idiot!"

"D'oh!"

Yeah, that's it. LOL, Henry Kissinger losing his glasses in the toilet. "No one must know my horrible secret."

I also love Al Brooks as Hank Scorpio. "I'm sorry to see you go, Homer, but I understand. Hey, if you want to kill someone on the way out it'd really help me out."

"It tastes like... burning!" -Ralph

"I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T... d'oh! S-M-A-R-T!" -Homer

"That's the sandbox, I'm not allowed in the deep end. And that's where I saw the leprechaun, he told me to burn things."