Funniest things a teacher has said?

This topic is locked from further discussion.

Avatar image for Cyrax-Sektor
Cyrax-Sektor

12060

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 18

User Lists: 0

#1 Cyrax-Sektor
Member since 2006 • 12060 Posts

I'll start off with this:

"In order to stop Bird Flu from hitting the U.S., we must stop all flights from foreign countries." :lol:

Avatar image for THE_DRUGGIE
THE_DRUGGIE

25110

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 140

User Lists: 0

#2 THE_DRUGGIE
Member since 2006 • 25110 Posts
"All your homeworks are belonged to I now."
Avatar image for Raziel1144
Raziel1144

275

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 0

#3 Raziel1144
Member since 2007 • 275 Posts
"argh!! i missed your head"
Avatar image for gerardinsito
gerardinsito

360

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 0

#4 gerardinsito
Member since 2006 • 360 Posts
A thing is a thing and another thing is totally different lol :D !!!
Avatar image for DBZKingdomHFAN3
DBZKingdomHFAN3

779

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 11

User Lists: 0

#5 DBZKingdomHFAN3
Member since 2006 • 779 Posts
"PUT UP THEM BOOKS NOW! " i hated him, what a hillbilly! :lol:
Avatar image for blackslim3000
blackslim3000

1152

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#6 blackslim3000
Member since 2007 • 1152 Posts
A thing is a thing and another thing is totally different lol :D !!!gerardinsito
"This monkey is completely different from that monkey"
Avatar image for gerardinsito
gerardinsito

360

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 0

#7 gerardinsito
Member since 2006 • 360 Posts
this is not for a teacher but what in the hell means.. "All your base are belong to us" ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Avatar image for SectionSniffy
SectionSniffy

406

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#8 SectionSniffy
Member since 2007 • 406 Posts

this is not for a teacher but what in the hell means.. "All your base are belong to us" ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!gerardinsito

 i heard that too wtf is it?

Avatar image for darkodonnie
darkodonnie

2384

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#9 darkodonnie
Member since 2007 • 2384 Posts
"When I was on vacation I gave blowjobs to an entire pro soccer team" that's gotta be high up on my list of funny/unexpected things said by teachers, especially coming from a usually conservative teacher
Avatar image for darkodonnie
darkodonnie

2384

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#10 darkodonnie
Member since 2007 • 2384 Posts

[QUOTE="gerardinsito"]this is not for a teacher but what in the hell means.. "All your base are belong to us" ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!SectionSniffy

i heard that too wtf is it?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_your_base_are_belong_to_us
 

Avatar image for Honenheim
Honenheim

5402

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 2

User Lists: 0

#12 Honenheim
Member since 2007 • 5402 Posts
" i had a dream once i had s3x with a bear "
Avatar image for Bourbons3
Bourbons3

24238

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 5

User Lists: 0

#13 Bourbons3
Member since 2003 • 24238 Posts
Teacher: "You're in year 12, yes?" Student: "Yes" Teacher: ....."hmmm..I cant seem to find you on the year 13 list..."
Avatar image for staindcoldlp
staindcoldlp

15121

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 5

User Lists: 0

#14 staindcoldlp
Member since 2004 • 15121 Posts

"No one has ever heard of beheadings before the Iraq War."

:|

Avatar image for Gokuja
Gokuja

3767

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#15 Gokuja
Member since 2005 • 3767 Posts
sadly i can't think of any, 3-4 years is enough to make me forget.  i know theres been some hilarious stuff though...hmmm
Avatar image for cell1138
cell1138

1758

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 0

#16 cell1138
Member since 2006 • 1758 Posts
not really any but... " open up your books up to page 666 or you'll be sorry!" she said that a few days ago
Avatar image for proctorsurf
proctorsurf

2779

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#17 proctorsurf
Member since 2006 • 2779 Posts
mmmm I love that big **** ....... no, I'm not lieing
Avatar image for schoeffmaster
schoeffmaster

10674

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 8

User Lists: 0

#18 schoeffmaster
Member since 2005 • 10674 Posts

Me: Your cutting an orange...arent you suppose to be cutting an apple
Teacher: :O...um...I am helping someone else...put these oranges in a bag and label it will yea.

Avatar image for Inuyashadude101
Inuyashadude101

14320

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 4

User Lists: 0

#19 Inuyashadude101
Member since 2005 • 14320 Posts
Who wants to sleep with me tonight?
Avatar image for ayanami_rei
ayanami_rei

17115

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 0

#20 ayanami_rei
Member since 2005 • 17115 Posts
"I'm like God. When God created the earth, he threw in this and that, and he created....the EARTH. When I create a substance, I put this and that in there and create....sodium. Yeah, it's not as exciting as creating the earth, but it's similar!"-my chemistry teacher.

"Everyone is a faerie (fairy) and I'm a fairy."-my 8th grade science teacher I had. o_o He also believes he's a ninja because he sneaks on private property to talk to trees.

Avatar image for gohantech00
gohantech00

9216

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 5

User Lists: 0

#21 gohantech00
Member since 2005 • 9216 Posts
Probably when my b**** English teacher was reading out of the novel, Of Mice and Men, to us, and she read words like "Goddamn," "b****," and "bastard." I always find it funny when a teacher curses:lol:
Avatar image for andyboiii
andyboiii

13628

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 0

#22 andyboiii
Member since 2006 • 13628 Posts
my Math teacher - "don't make me put you on full blast"
Avatar image for Zombelious
Zombelious

769

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#23 Zombelious
Member since 2006 • 769 Posts
My teacher called this kid gay in my class once, it was pretty funny. He was just like "Oh my god, dave. You're so gay it was hilarious.
Avatar image for MrKittyCat1234
MrKittyCat1234

668

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 5

User Lists: 0

#24 MrKittyCat1234
Member since 2006 • 668 Posts
some kid was squealing and she said "Do you know what happens to pigs who squeal? kid: no Teacher: They Kill so STOP!
Avatar image for CheeseGuardian
CheeseGuardian

395

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 4

User Lists: 0

#25 CheeseGuardian
Member since 2005 • 395 Posts

My English teacher:

"If you don't know what ALWAYS comes before a verb in MY class, then ya need to stop smoking the weed."

"THE DESK IS THE DIRECT OBJECT!  I KICKED THE DESK!"   (he then proceded to kick the metal desk desk multiple times, leaving a large dent in it.)

I could probably think of more, but whatever.

Avatar image for Montaya
Montaya

4269

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#26 Montaya
Member since 2005 • 4269 Posts
My teacher says "shut the f up" a lot, cracks me up everythime, best teacher ever.
Avatar image for ineedanewname
ineedanewname

1300

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#27 ineedanewname
Member since 2004 • 1300 Posts
my biology teacher in high school was telling studetns to bring a gun to school and shoot her, she also said that she wanted to be a stripper
Avatar image for alex1889
alex1889

1633

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 4

User Lists: 0

#28 alex1889
Member since 2006 • 1633 Posts
"if i had 1 penny for every pupil who said my punishment would inconvinience them, id have over three pounds"
Avatar image for deactivated-5901ac91d8e33
deactivated-5901ac91d8e33

17092

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#29 deactivated-5901ac91d8e33
Member since 2004 • 17092 Posts

[QUOTE="gerardinsito"]this is not for a teacher but what in the hell means.. "All your base are belong to us" ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!SectionSniffy

 i heard that too wtf is it?

An old school internet phenomenon ....The quote comes from a game called Zero Wing and is a mis translation

Avatar image for Steelers_86
Steelers_86

2268

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 7

User Lists: 0

#30 Steelers_86
Member since 2003 • 2268 Posts
"when i was an undergrad we had to learn things for our classes"
Avatar image for thref2004
thref2004

2135

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 0

#31 thref2004
Member since 2005 • 2135 Posts
"Thref! I'll kick your ass in Gears of War tonight!" Yes, my teacher can rape me in any game on XBL. :( I'm suck at console shooters >
Avatar image for Montaya
Montaya

4269

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#32 Montaya
Member since 2005 • 4269 Posts

"Thref! I'll kick your ass in Gears of War tonight!" Yes, my teacher can rape me in any game on XBL. :( I'm suck at console shooters >thref2004

 

U got an awesome teacher.

Avatar image for xhellcatx
xhellcatx

9015

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 1

User Lists: 0

#33 xhellcatx
Member since 2006 • 9015 Posts
my english/drama teacher noticed i was wearing a tank top that said "Bouncing Souls" on it. He looks at me and says, "I wouldnt let my girls wear the word 'bouncing' on their chests" ....i busted up laughing so hard at him, it was hilarious. Another one of my teachers also works as a bartender. Last year my friend and I went bar hopping and he was working at one of the bars we stopped at, and hes like "hey, its you two! Wanna get drunk?" ...it was just awesome comin from a teacher. He was a very young teacher, too, so it was cool cause I didnt feel too ackward getting drunk infront of him. He even bought us a round ^_^
Avatar image for Ashley_wwe
Ashley_wwe

13412

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 4

User Lists: 0

#34 Ashley_wwe
Member since 2003 • 13412 Posts
Probably when my b**** English teacher was reading out of the novel, Of Mice and Men, to us, and she read words like "Goddamn," "b****," and "bastard." I always find it funny when a teacher curses:lol:gohantech00
That's what we are reading now... :lol:.
"All your homeworks are belonged to I now."THE_DRUGGIE
That sounds like he's addicted to homework... :lol:.
Avatar image for Delongman
Delongman

1358

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 7

User Lists: 0

#35 Delongman
Member since 2005 • 1358 Posts

So the teacher says "This is not an open-book test, ok? You may begin the exam. i'm going out for a while...and dnt cheat!!!"

He gets out and he climbs onto a sort of platform and peeks through a high window to see the whole class with books on the table!!! He shouts " You, you, and you!!!! All of you!!! Cheating!!!"

He comes back into the class and says, "You idiots, move aside! If you want to cheat, you must take the book and put it under the table like *this*!!!!!!!! Resume your exam!!!!!!!!"

Avatar image for myles713
myles713

49

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#36 myles713
Member since 2007 • 49 Posts
My teacher called me a little seducer lol ( i dont think she knew what that meant rofl )
Avatar image for commander-cool
commander-cool

359

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 3

User Lists: 0

#37 commander-cool
Member since 2007 • 359 Posts
My history teacher is hilarious and the funniest thing ever is not something he said, but he pulled a prank on a student. A kid in our class he always messes with asked to get his book out of the locker. My teacher locked the door and said to turn the lights off and for everyone to hide on one side of the room so if someone looked in the window it would look like an empty classroom. Sure enough, the kid looked through the window and got confused and left. We got the classroom back to normal and he came again and said the classroom was empty so he'd wandered around the school to try to find the class. The teacher said he was teaching the whole time and made the kid think he was crazy. It was hilarious. To this day I don't know if he knows if he imagined it or not.
Avatar image for roryrc
roryrc

460

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#38 roryrc
Member since 2007 • 460 Posts
"o ur so big jordan", LOL
Avatar image for GeForce2187
GeForce2187

2963

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 0

User Lists: 0

#39 GeForce2187
Member since 2006 • 2963 Posts

Mr. Crippen: (English)

"Whatever. *That/it/he/she/etc.* is ned!" (he calls things ned all the time. He got it from some kids book or something.)

"You guys need better stuff. Stop smoking that headache weed."

"Stop with the SST. It's ned." (When two guys like hit each other and stuff. SST stands for same-sex touching.)

"Were they flinging their purses at each other?" (Asks this after theres a fight at the school.)

"Where's the spaceman? Probably roaming the hallways with the other dirtbags." (Referring to this stoner kid who never comes to class and the kids that always the halls and dont go to class.)

"Go to all three lunches, I don't even care. Just get out of my room with the food. This isn't the cafeteria."

"We don't have *insert object here* anymore, we voted no!" (The town voters turned down a school budget proposal last year and now the school system is operating on a minimal budget, so we have like nothing.)

Mr. Winsor: (History)

"Stop with the slappin' and ticklin'. I catch you taggin' anyone, I throw you out!" (The kids in that class play tag during class and he calls it stuff like playing slap happy and slap and tickle and stuff.)

"I'll send you down to that happy man with the glasses." (when he's gonna send someone to the vice principal.)

Mrs. Armour: (French)

Uh, she calls us stuff like "wingnuts" and "spastic ferrets."

Avatar image for Pepperpop10
Pepperpop10

1548

Forum Posts

0

Wiki Points

0

Followers

Reviews: 4

User Lists: 0

#40 Pepperpop10
Member since 2006 • 1548 Posts

Yeah, a few years ago, my teacher was reading The Body of Christopher Creed, and she said all the swears. sh*t, fuk dip-sh*tz, bastard. So funny. Then, I saw the lesbian teachers kissing, and they were like "Holy sh*t!" I ran so fast. But nothing really.

Well, in 5th grade, my teacher was like, "You should never assume anything, or you'll make an ass out of you and me. You''ll EMBARASS yourself! It was funny.