Also, my new job is pretty cool. It's a really upscale restaurant with a really great scenic view. And it's pretty busy work (not HARD work, but I still have to work hard, if you know what I mean). And the money isn't half bad. And the people are all nice. And after a hard day's work, I can go to the bar and get a drinking, and just chill out on the deck watching the sun set. Pretty nice way to finish a day of work.
Problem is that many of the women employees are too flirty and it makes me uncomfortable. Like, not ALL of them are like that. There are quite a few who don't do anything more than say "hello" as I pass by. Which is nice, because they're not being jerks, but they're still being professionals.
But there are a LOT of women who aren't like that. Way too many of them will call me pet names like "sweetie" or "honey" or "hot stuff". And they'll do stuff like stop and give me a shoulder rub when I'm hard at work. Or I'll just drop by to check my schedule, and they'll see me and hug me. You know, crap like that. Which can be annoying and frustrating, because that crap obviously doesn't mean anything. And it makes me uncomfortable.
My question is, how do I get them to stop? I can't exactly complain to my bosses. Firstly because everyone there is really close, and I'm the new guy. I'm not going to **** things up for me by complaining that people who have been there for YEARS are getting too touchy-feely with me. And secondly, some of my BOSSES are the ones doing it. Thirdly, even though their behaviour makes me uncomfortable, I know that they're just trying to be nice to the new guy, so I feel like it'd actually be rude to complain and possibly get them in trouble.
So what should I do? How do I get my coworkers to stop touching me without offending them or making myself seem like I'm not a "team player"?
There is this one woman there who does things right. The women who do stuff like rub my back or grab my body NEVER come over and try to actually TALK to me. But there's this one woman (who's EXTREMELY freaking hot, BTW) and she doesn't do that rubby-touchy crap. She just says hello every time she sees me, tells me that I'm awesome and should work in her part of the restaurant all the time because I'm good, and most importantly, she actually tries to TALK TO ME. That's the way it should go. I'm not going to give a server extra attention just because she touches me or rubs my body at absolutely the wrong moment. I'm not stupid. I know that those are empty gestures that don't mean ****. If you want to be friendly, keep your damn hands off me, let me do my job, and then TALK TO ME after work.
Hm, for the question... um.... your the new guy so just suck it up. I know passive aggressiveness is bad, but we're not talking about bullies here. Or could just politely ask them to stop, but use damage control. I mean we're talking about adults here right? It's not like they're going to go complain to the boss and get you fired. copy/pasted from the other thread :)
[QUOTE="MrGeezer"]Also, my new job is pretty cool. It's a really upscale restaurant with a really great scenic view. And it's pretty busy work (not HARD work, but I still have to work hard, if you know what I mean). And the money isn't half bad. And the people are all nice. And after a hard day's work, I can go to the bar and get a drinking, and just chill out on the deck watching the sun set. Pretty nice way to finish a day of work.
Problem is that many of the women employees are too flirty and it makes me uncomfortable. Like, not ALL of them are like that. There are quite a few who don't do anything more than say "hello" as I pass by. Which is nice, because they're not being jerks, but they're still being professionals.
But there are a LOT of women who aren't like that. Way too many of them will call me pet names like "sweetie" or "honey" or    "hot stuff". And they'll do stuff like stop and give me a shoulder rub when I'm hard at work. Or I'll just drop by to check my schedule, and they'll see me and hug me. You know, crap like that. Which can be annoying and frustrating, because that crap obviously doesn't mean anything. And it makes me uncomfortable.
My question is, how do I get them to stop? I can't exactly complain to my bosses. Firstly because everyone there is really close, and I'm the new guy. I'm not going to **** things up for me by complaining that people who have been there for YEARS are getting too touchy-feely with me. And secondly, some of my BOSSES are the ones doing it. Thirdly, even though their behaviour makes me uncomfortable, I know that they're just trying to be nice to the new guy, so I feel like it'd actually be rude to complain and possibly get them in trouble.
So what should I do? How do I get my coworkers to stop touching me without offending them or making myself seem like I'm not a "team player"?
There is this one woman there who does things right. The women who do stuff like rub my back or grab my body NEVER come over and try to actually TALK to me. But there's this one woman (who's EXTREMELY freaking hot, BTW) and she doesn't do that rubby-touchy crap. She just says hello every time she sees me, tells me that I'm awesome and should work in her part of the restaurant all the time because I'm good, and most importantly, she actually tries to TALK TO ME. That's the way it should go. I'm not going to give a server extra attention just because she touches me or rubs my body at absolutely the wrong moment. I'm not stupid. I know that those are empty gestures that don't mean ****. If you want to be friendly, keep your damn hands off me, let me do my job, and then TALK TO ME after work. ive never heared of someone calling their pet "hot stuff".. :?
Put up with it? Don't whine so much, I'm sure it at least gives you a little big of self-confidence when they do it, even if it is rather annoying. If they go to rub your shoulders just say "No thanks" or tell them you are not interested.
Note: This is going to sound like a question meant to probe and identify certain criteria needed for giving you advice, but it's not. I'm just curious.
Say you post on a video game forum. thats should drive them away.Koolsen
:lol:Â thats funny.... if they are hot then what's the problem? if this truly bothers you, then you shouldn't feel bad about telling the managers that you feel uncomfertable when they touch you.
I never thought I'd see the mighty Geezer coming for girl advice. But then again, most people who come for chick advice here have the opposite problem. I say just embrace it. You could certainly have worse girl problems. Its all cool.
[QUOTE="zakkro"] Aw come on, wouldn't you he mad if girls kept.... well now I'm starting to see where you're getting at.never has bothered me....but then again...I'm the flirty type myself.....:oops:
[QUOTE="Dark__Link"]Note: This is going to sound like a question meant to probe and identify certain criteria needed for giving you advice, but it's not. I'm just curious.
What's your job?Dark__Link
*cough*
Busboy at a restaurant.
Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that I'm pretty bad with names. I still don't know everyone's name, but I'm slowly working. Which sucked because I was the ONE new guy, and everyone learned my name immediately. So I'd have people walking up to me and saying "Hello MrGeezer". And I'm just like, "um...hello, um....you."
It absolutely annoys me when people remember my name and who I am, but I have absolutely no ****ing idea who they are.
And it's even more annoying when they come up and hug me, or rub my back, and I have no ****ing idea who they are.
[QUOTE="Dark__Link"][QUOTE="Dark__Link"]Note: This is going to sound like a question meant to probe and identify certain criteria needed for giving you advice, but it's not. I'm just curious.
What's your job?MrGeezer
*cough*
Busboy at a restaurant.
Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that I'm pretty bad with names. I still don't know everyone's name, but I'm slowly working. Which sucked because I was the ONE new guy, and everyone learned my name immediately. So I'd have people walking up to me and saying "Hello MrGeezer". And I'm just like, "um...hello, um....you."
It absolutely annoys me when people remember my name and who I am, but I have absolutely no ****ing idea who they are.
And it's even more annoying when they come up and hug me, or rub my back, and I have no ****ing idea who they are.
That kind of crap is freaking awkward as hell.
Did you read my advice yet? (Not the quote to Omni either).
[QUOTE="Dark__Link"][QUOTE="Dark__Link"]Note: This is going to sound like a question meant to probe and identify certain criteria needed for giving you advice, but it's not. I'm just curious.
What's your job?MrGeezer
*cough*
Busboy at a restaurant.
Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that I'm pretty bad with names. I still don't know everyone's name, but I'm slowly working. Which sucked because I was the ONE new guy, and everyone learned my name immediately. So I'd have people walking up to me and saying "Hello MrGeezer". And I'm just like, "um...hello, um....you."
It absolutely annoys me when people remember my name and who I am, but I have absolutely no ****ing idea who they are.
And it's even more annoying when they come up and hug me, or rub my back, and I have no ****ing idea who they are.
That kind of crap is freaking awkward as hell.
Whoa there, Champ, you don't need to unload on me. I asked about your job. I was a buser at an upscale restaurant once. Hated it. :)
I know what it feels like. There's this one girl who sometimes shows up at my friends on Friday nights when we have our little gettogethers. I have no idea who she is, or where she's from, and she acts as if she's my girlfriend. Especially when she's been drinking. It's embarrassing, awkward and really annoying.
Dont talk to the flirty girls, by doing that it  shows that by being focused at work, your there for one thing and one thing only, getting paid. then you'll attract only the girls that are serious with their work ethic. and they'll approach you after work like you said.
the girl you described may be interested in you. just keep up your good work ethic and you'll be fine.
Dont talk to the flirty girls, by doing that it shows that by being focused at work, your there for one thing and one thing only, getting paid. then you'll attract only the girls that are serious with their work ethic. and they'll approach you after work like you said.
the girl you described may be interested in you. just keep up your good work ethic and you'll be fine.
zombiemenace
Like I said, I don't talk to anyone at work. I don't have time. I talk to people AFTER work. AFTER work, I'll buy a drink and chat with them. DURING work, I'm too busy. Which makes it all the more annoying when people do that kind of crap. If they gave me a back rub AFTER work, I might not mind. But I'm trying to get my stuff done, and they come up to me and rub my back. It'd be inappropriate regardless, but it's just distracting and utterly wrong when they pull that crap when I'm still trying to work.
But like I said, I'm not mad at them or anything. But pretty much everyone there is like, friends or something. So I know that they're just trying to be nice and friendly, but it still bothers me.
Dont talk to the flirty girls, by doing that it shows that by being focused at work, your there for one thing and one thing only, getting paid. then you'll attract only the girls that are serious with their work ethic. and they'll approach you after work like you said.
the girl you described may be interested in you. just keep up your good work ethic and you'll be fine.
MrGeezer
Like I said, I don't talk to anyone at work. I don't have time. I talk to people AFTER work. AFTER work, I'll buy a drink and chat with them. DURING work, I'm too busy. Which makes it all the more annoying when people do that kind of crap. If they gave me a back rub AFTER work, I might not mind. But I'm trying to get my stuff done, and they come up to me and rub my back. It'd be inappropriate regardless, but it's just distracting and utterly wrong when they pull that crap when I'm still trying to work.
But like I said, I'm not mad at them or anything. But pretty much everyone there is like, friends or something. So I know that they're just trying to be nice and friendly, but it still bothers me.
That's what I mean, your on the right track just do what your doing and they'll back off with the touching once they realize your really not into it. things take time with a new job. Believe me I just started a new job a month ago. (Its in my blog) and I only go for smart, professional, mature women.Â
Dont talk to the flirty girls, by doing that it shows that by being focused at work, your there for one thing and one thing only, getting paid. then you'll attract only the girls that are serious with their work ethic. and they'll approach you after work like you said.
the girl you described may be interested in you. just keep up your good work ethic and you'll be fine.
MrGeezer
Like I said, I don't talk to anyone at work. I don't have time. I talk to people AFTER work. AFTER work, I'll buy a drink and chat with them. DURING work, I'm too busy. Which makes it all the more annoying when people do that kind of crap. If they gave me a back rub AFTER work, I might not mind. But I'm trying to get my stuff done, and they come up to me and rub my back. It'd be inappropriate regardless, but it's just distracting and utterly wrong when they pull that crap when I'm still trying to work.
But like I said, I'm not mad at them or anything. But pretty much everyone there is like, friends or something. So I know that they're just trying to be nice and friendly, but it still bothers me.
I get it... the problem is you. You are way too focused and way too stressed during work and... your co-workers have noticed it. So they take action and try to relax you and take pressure off you. They want you to take it easy.
[QUOTE="MrGeezer"][QUOTE="Dark__Link"][QUOTE="Dark__Link"]Note: This is going to sound like a question meant to probe and identify certain criteria needed for giving you advice, but it's not. I'm just curious.
What's your job?Media_geek20
*cough*
Busboy at a restaurant.
Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that I'm pretty bad with names. I still don't know everyone's name, but I'm slowly working. Which sucked because I was the ONE new guy, and everyone learned my name immediately. So I'd have people walking up to me and saying "Hello MrGeezer". And I'm just like, "um...hello, um....you."
It absolutely annoys me when people remember my name and who I am, but I have absolutely no ****ing idea who they are.
And it's even more annoying when they come up and hug me, or rub my back, and I have no ****ing idea who they are.
That kind of crap is freaking awkward as hell.
Did you read my advice yet? (Not the quote to Omni either).
That should help you out if you read it.
Yeah, but I'd rather talk to all of them. Not that I like talking to people or anything. But like I said, everyone's pretty much like friends there, and I don't want to piss people off by shunning them.
Like, I don't dislike anyone there. I don't have a problem with the women who touch me. They're all nice people, I guess. I just want them to stop touching me. That's it. I still want to talk to them and be friendly with them and get to know them. I still want to be a critical and productive part of the restaurant "community", I just want people to stop touching me. Is that so unreasonable? I mean, that really sweet extremely attractive woman got the idea. Keep your damn hands off of me, then TALK to me. If you want to be friendly to me, then talk to me and be friendly with WORDS. The MEN there don't hug me or touch me. We work for a while, then we MIGHT hang out for a few drinks after work.
I don't get it Geezer. You said you're a 27 year old virgin. If I was working in an environment like that I'd love it! I fail to see the problem. Just touch them back and grope them back. An eye for an eye...
Dont talk to the flirty girls, by doing that it shows that by being focused at work, your there for one thing and one thing only, getting paid. then you'll attract only the girls that are serious with their work ethic. and they'll approach you after work like you said.
the girl you described may be interested in you. just keep up your good work ethic and you'll be fine.
Nipponjin
Like I said, I don't talk to anyone at work. I don't have time. I talk to people AFTER work. AFTER work, I'll buy a drink and chat with them. DURING work, I'm too busy. Which makes it all the more annoying when people do that kind of crap. If they gave me a back rub AFTER work, I might not mind. But I'm trying to get my stuff done, and they come up to me and rub my back. It'd be inappropriate regardless, but it's just distracting and utterly wrong when they pull that crap when I'm still trying to work.
But like I said, I'm not mad at them or anything. But pretty much everyone there is like, friends or something. So I know that they're just trying to be nice and friendly, but it still bothers me.
I get it... the problem is you. You are way too focused and way too stressed during work and... your co-workers have noticed it. So they take action and try to relax you and take pressure off you. They want you to take it easy.
I don't work well when I'm relaxed.
It's like, the restaurant that I work at is actually two restaurants. One on each side of the building. But they're both the same reastaurant. If you know what I mean.
Like, it's all on the same payroll with the same payroll. But sometimes I might be working at one restaurant, and other times I might be working at the other restaurant.
The thing is, one restaurant is a LOT busier than the other. And my tips reflect that. If I work a shift at the slow restaurant, my tips will be x. If I work the exact same shift at the busy restaurant, my tips can easily be 7x.
My point is, no one at the slow restaurant tells me that I'm good. The people at the busy restaurant DO. Why? Because at the busy restaurant, I often really have to haul my ass to keep up. And if I'm the only busser there, sometimes I CAN'T keep up. Which stresses me out, because I can't keep up. But stress can be GOOD. Because when I'm stressed out, I work harder. I work faster. I get more done when I'm busy.
By contrast, at the other restaurant, it's slow as hell. So I could easily spend 70% of my shift not doing any actual work. Which sucks, because the managers often come into the slow restaurant because it's slower. So I see my bosses walk into the front door to do their business, and I am thinking "okay...my boss is here. What can I do to look busy?" Thing is, I can't do anything, because that restaurant is slow as **** and there is nothing for me to do.
THAT makes me uncomfortable. I need a small amount of stress. If for no other reason, so I don't feel like I'm standing around doing nothing and wonder why I'm still on the payroll (as in, if I'm not doing anything, what am I getting paid for?).
So while I admit that I can get stressed out, that's the only reason why I do remotely good job at the busy restaurant. If I weren't stressed out at the busy restaurant, I'd straddle my ass along, do stuff slowly, and no one would think that I do a good job there.
So it just seems sort of contrary that people would rub me and touch me in order to chill me out. I mean, I'm not supposed to chill out. I am the server's assistant, so it doesn't make sense that those same servers would want me to slow down and chill the hell out.
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