How often do you think of suicide?

Recently a lot of shit in my life has been getting me down. I think about it pretty often, usually once a day at least.

That's not to say I'm actually going to commit it; I'm not. But there's a lot of shit that really depresses me and makes me think about it.

(This is anot a "help me I'm so depressed I'm going to kill myself" thread, just one to spark conversation)

Every day. If you're thinking about it, you need therapy; especially if you're communicating your thoughts to others (whether online or in person). You're already about seven times more likely to commit suicide than most people.

A lot of shit has been happening to me too, but that doesn't mean I think about killing myself.

I don't. I have too much to live for. Even when things seem bad.

@Makhaidos: Not quite sure I need therapy. I understand what you're saying but I have no wish to actually do it. I just think about it a lot.

Never, talk it out, seek guidance or just someone to listen. Make yourself better. Look see if you have family or friend u r important to. If you don't think anyone cares make new friends, volunteer. Make yourself feel like u r needed somehow. Sometimes the best way to impact your life for better is to impact others for better.

@AutoPilotOn: I'm not saying I'm actually going to do it. Again, I haven no desire to do it. I'm not cutting, I'm not breaking down or anything like that, I just think about it a bit.

@turtlethetaffer: everybody gets down. Nobody likes to admit bad things happen to them. Look at Facebook everyone can't possibility be having as great if life as they make it out to be. You shouldn't even be thinking about it a bit.

Spend the time u think about ending everything on how to fix what the problem is. Nobody has a perfect life. Things go wrong u make bad choice sometimes.

@turtlethetaffer Ive been there before too. Its a strange feeling just thinking about it even though you know you have no intention. Sometimes things get you down so much that you feel its an escape, and somehow comforting that its an option. I can assure you that its not an escape. I don't know you or exactly what you may have going on, but confronting the issues and correcting them is much more rewarding, and does make you a stronger person. You knowing that you don't have the intention to follow through does show you are a strong person, strong enough to know that you can and will get through it. Keep your head up and push through. When you look back on these times, you might not know how you got through, but you did.

@AutoPilotOn: Oh no I'm fully aware of what the problems are. It's a conglomeration of things that if I told you would sound stupid but that doesn't change the fact that they get me down.

I appreciate the pep talk but I'm fine. Again, this wasn't meant to be a "help me I need help" thread, just something to discuss the topic.

@tonycapp21: I;m glad I'm not the only one who has had that mindset. It's not that I want to, it's just something I think about. (Obviously not glad you went through it but you get my meaning... Empathy and all that)

My biggest issue is that one of the things that is really bothering me can't really be fixed. even if I got the answer I was looking for, I'm not sure it'd help at all. It's basically made me view myself from the point of other people and I don't like what I see. I'm doing my best to correct it, trust me. But even if I correct how others view me there's still another issue that I doubt will ever be resolved in a meaningful way.

@turtlethetaffer: lol it's fine I just don't like to hear someone even considering a bit. Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes some just hide it better some scream and tell and others get bad depression.

I have never thought if it. I guess I am lucky. I was really depressed when I found out my fiancé left for weekend to be with another guy and I found out by seeing pics on our camera. I got in a I do t care about anything mood and drank a lot but never considered ending anything. I didn't really have friends to talk to but my parents were always there.

@turtlethetaffer And some results are not meaningful. Honestly searching for meaning behind every solution would drive someone crazy. Sometimes "it is what it is". And addressing you are beginning to view yourself from other peoples points of view, ask yourself just one thing, "why does it matter so much?" Nobody likes to be judged, and I totally understand that. Also, do you not like what you see because of that point of view, or from your own?

@AutoPilotOn: Yah I'm in a somewhat similar situation (as in I'm not sure if there was cheating but I definitely know something was going on, you know?) It was a huge slap in the face and she didn't give me the courtesy of just telling me the truth even though I'd known her two years. It makes me wonder how many other people in my life would rather do other things than to know me or spend time with me.

But it's not quite that I'm considering it... Just that I think about the consequences of it. It's one of the reasons that I haven't actually acted on any of the thoughts. I don't want to put my family or friends through that shit. That's awful. So it's not that I consider it as an option, I just think about it. Kind of hard to explain.

@tonycapp21: Mixture of both. Basically, I just wonder how many people I know don't really enjoy spending time with me and how many of them just do it for the sake of doing it. I think of my job and how I'm not truly needed there... I can easily be replaced. Then I think of my friends and how they all know other people who are more interesting than me.

Hell, when I talk to some of my best friends at college I sometimes struggle to find something to say. IDK. This isn't a constant mood, it just happens every once in a while.

@turtlethetaffer: we were together over 3 years at the time. She was starting to be very secretive so I knew something was up. She was going away for weekend with friend. Well I played WoW at time and so did her friend (a girl). Well she logged in and I said hi and she left right away. I knew something was fishy.

When my fiancé got home she acted like everything was fine but not the normal "I missed u" kind if fine u know. I asked to see pics if her trip and she said she didn't take any. But I know she took our new digital camera. So when I found it I took a walk flipped it on and right there was pics that made my heart sink.

You know after that she felt no guilt and I just kept asking what I did what I could do to make her happy. I started tring to win her back almost. It wasn't for several months we actually seperated.

Wow that was long lol. Not to mention the guy was from Canada which is considered "international" she rang up 1200$ on my phone bill.

Well long story but now I have a wife and been with her for over 6 years.

When things look their darkest when you make it through you will be better person

@turtlethetaffer Ill be honest with you. Sometimes it is difficult to think how small some things make you feel. I could quit my job tomorrow and they would replace me in a second. Sometimes I do have awkward feelings around people I've known forever. Unfortunately with the mentality of all of that, it snowballs. Your importance to others comes from your own view of your importance. If you lack self worth, others see that. If your timid, shy, nervous, excited, sad, happy or anything else, it is all on the outside. You need to recognize your own importance. There are millions of jobs and billions of people, but only you have the privilege to know your own importance. Picking yourself up is one of the hardest things anyone can do. But trust me, you can and will, because I had to do it too.

@AutoPilotOn: Wow that sucks man. I feel the same way, minus the win her back attitude.

I was with her for two and a half years and for the past year and a half she would always tell me she had no friends in school or something along those lines (which didn't make sense because she was constantly telling me about conversations she was having with people).

Mind you, for my entire first year of college, we got into numerous, numerous fights about how a lot of my friends were stoners and drinkers (even though I never touch any substance besides my medication). Like, shit got really, really bad.

Then she got a job a few months back and started making new friends, which was cool by me. But one day she said to me "I don't really care about drinking or smoking anymore." As in she suddenly didn't mind if people did that.

I bit my tongue even though it bothered the shit out of me (because it had been such a huge deal for so long that it caused so much conflict). Then one day I have to ask her about how she feels about the relationship because she's acting strange. She tells me she suddenly doesn't feel the same spark and has a low sex drive yada yada yada. Then a week later she broke up with me "because it wasn't fair to me." Which I thought was BS. I asked her if she smoked with her new friends and even though she got super defensive she never actually said that she didn't do it.

So, basically, because she wouldn't actually nut up and give me a reason beyond "I can't help my feelings" and "I just don't know why I feel this way," I'm left to conclude that she broke up with me because she suddenly had friends and wanted to go and drink and shit.

She never actually confirmed this but it's the only thing that makes sense in my mind. Which also leads me to believe that I was little more to her than a security blanket and that she'd rather go with friends (who she just met only two or three months ago) to party than to stay with me (who she's known for two and a half years).

Needless to say, it pisses me off and depresses me. Makes me wonder what I did wrong, because I forgave a lot of BS from her.

I know it sounds really petty compared to what you went through but sometimes I can't stop thinking about it. I feel really used, like a lot, and I can't stop thinking about how shitty and awful it makes me feel.

@tonycapp21: the thing is that I'm in a good mood most of the time. Like 70%. But there are times where I suddenly just get really self depreciating and I can't stop thinking about whether or not I'm bothering someone by talking to them. Like if I text a friend to hang out or something.

Something that looks and feels really bad right now might be what helps you find real happiness later.

@AutoPilotOn: Well, I'll definitely know what signs to look out for when trying to get with somebody.

@turtlethetaffer Autopilot is right. Everyone gets in those modes sometimes. Your sitting around and your mind starts to go, and go, and go. Life truly does work in stages. You shouldn't feel nervous to text someone to hang out, and if I had to guess, I'm sure it wasn't always that way. Right now is a state your in where it FEELS that way. Everything does come to pass, and as AutoPilot said, once you get to your real happiness (which will come), you'll be amazed at the things you beat to get there.

After me and my ex broke up I had a few drunken one night stands but that's not type of guy I am not what I wanted. I was mess. I signed up to online dating since I am not good at being social had a few dates but never a 2nd date wondered what I am doing wrong.

Finally I found my wife now something clicked but I was still pretty messed up. I ended up cheating on her a few weeks in with a girl that I was kind of a booty call for. She found out and it looked like I was the one now being the asshole my ex was to me. I was lucky she forgave me but with much grief and mistrust for a long time.

@tonycapp21: The weird thing is that I know that I'm being silly by thinking that way. But for whatever reason it doesn't stop the thoughts from coming in. I'm not sure why. I know I overthink a lot of things (hell I could be overthinking the whole issue) but it's tough to stop, you know?

Whenever I feel like shit I think of people in a worse position for perspective. Simple things like the ability to see, hear, walk are things people take for granted. However bad it is, someone usually has it much worse.

Everyday at least once. There are some things I need to get in order.

@uninspiredcup: well my wife can't walk is in wheelchair and she is never depressed about that so I'd look like a baby if something got me down lol.

@turtlethetaffer Well yeah you probably say to yourself all the time, "why do I care, whats the big deal?" The thoughts don't stop because again, your not convinced your not bothering somebody, even though consciously, you know its silly. Its like when you have one bad thing happen, and your mind starts giving you a million other things that are bad or could potentially be bad, which turns really tiny issues into huge ones. The truth is, tiny issues are tiny issues. It'll take some time for you to relax on these things, its not something that will happen overnight. It comes down to your view of yourself. It doesn't matter AT ALL what other people think, or view you as. If you viewed yourself in a truly positive light, and you were confident in that, it truly wouldn't matter to you. Its all about getting your head straight, and only focusing on the one person that matters, which is you.

@tonycapp21: Yeah that's exactly what it is. I suppose you're right. I am feeling a lot better in general than I was a few months ago, but just last night I even lost sleep because of things like this. But I understand everything you're saying and it makes sense.

I'd say at least once every other day on average.

I understand that, yet Off-Topic is not suited for this type of conversation. Call 1-800-273-8255 for help.