I cheated on my girlfriend...

Let's see, you can either tell her, and then she'll dump you, or don't tell her, keep it a secret from anyone and try to forget it, and then someday, somehow, it'll come back to get you and the breakup will be much worse.

The lesson: don't cheat.

but this girl came on so strong and I didn't want to ruin her time up here...
Toriko42

Most Gracious Host EVER.

"well, i should say no, but i don't want to ruin your vacation, so i guess i have no choice..."

seriously, that's some AMAZING logic, right there.

[QUOTE="jrhawk42"]\

Now on to my rant about telling her or not. Personally I'm a big fan of keeping secrets. The weird thing is those that are telling you to tell her the truth are actually being cruel, and selfish. The most common response is to tell the truth to make YOU feel better. Most of them haven't even considered her feelings, and how having her trust broken with affect her. As long as the lie isn't hurting her there's really nothing wrong with it. Of course if you continue your cheating ways she'll eventually find out, and she'll be hurt, and you'll still be a liar.

Personally I already know I'm taking a lot of things to the grave so keeping secrets from the people I live isn't a hard choice for me.

ayanami_rei

lol five times? I mean, no offense, that's ****ed up of the guys who did. I know not being told hurts more than being told, but he obviously doesn't love her THAT much because he cheated on her, but maybe his girlfriend is loyal to him... so I dunno.

Man up. Telling her "no" wouldn't have "ruined her time there;" simply explaining that you have a girlfriend would have sufficed, but you took the irresponsible route. Either tell one of them about the other girl or tell them both; it only gets worse otherwise.Theokhoth

Exactly what I was thinking.

[QUOTE="jrhawk42"]

in my experience which is far from normal:

1. Never tell a girl your slept w/ you have a girl friend. They will almost always rat you out somehow if possible.

2. If she loves you she'll never believe it unless you say it, or you're caught red handed. So if you're going to stick to a lie stick to it.

3. Once a cheater always a cheater. Given the chance you'll do it again even w/ all the guilt.

Now on to my rant about telling her or not. Personally I'm a big fan of keeping secrets. The weird thing is those that are telling you to tell her the truth are actually being cruel, and selfish. The most common response is to tell the truth to make YOU feel better. Most of them haven't even considered her feelings, and how having her trust broken with affect her. As long as the lie isn't hurting her there's really nothing wrong with it. Of course if you continue your cheating ways she'll eventually find out, and she'll be hurt, and you'll still be a liar.

Personally I already know I'm taking a lot of things to the grave so keeping secrets from the people I live isn't a hard choice for me.

-Jiggles-

Funny, I feel the exact opposite. People who would keep such a secret only for their own well-being are more selfish than anything. When I tell him to confess his cheating ways to his girlfriend, I would want to see the girlfriend choosing whether to stay with him or not, which is definiately not being selfish.

You've never told a girl you cheated on her have you?

It's sort of like telling a little kid there's no Santa, and asking her what she wants for Christmas. You think you're helping her grow up, and make a responsible decision, but what you're really doing is destroying her childhood. Not only that but under the mental anguish, and disillusionment your forcing her to make a major decision directly related to the cause of anguish. In that situation she isn't going to make a mindful choice at all.

If you cared about somebody at all I can't understand why you'd want to put them through that.

lol five times? I mean, no offense, that's ****ed up of the guys who did. I know not being told hurts more than being told, but he obviously doesn't love her THAT much because he cheated on her, but maybe his girlfriend is loyal to him... so I dunno.

xMOBSTER23x

this will sound rude, but be glad you have two chicks that you can bone. while i have had 0 gf's. and never made out in my lifelonewolf604

this will sound rude, but be glad you have two chicks that you can bone. while i have had 0 gf's. and never made out in my lifelonewolf604

So all that matters about a gf is being able to make out with her and "bone" her? :|

And how exactly does being glad you can cheat on your gf work? You should be glad you haven't had a gf or made out with anyone if you haven't found the right person (although I doubt you want to find her, based on your comment).

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]this will sound rude, but be glad you have two chicks that you can bone. while i have had 0 gf's. and never made out in my lifeblack_cat19

So all that matters about a gf is being able to make out with her and "bone" her? :|

And how exactly does being glad you can cheat on your gf work? You should be glad you haven't had a gf or made out with anyone if you haven't found the right person (I doubt you want to find her, based on your comment).

People are telling you to "man up" and come clean, but honestly.... how is that good advice? You may feel less guilty, but you'll also hurt the feelings of your friend and really upset your girlfriend, depending on how close you two are. I think you should keep it to yourself; but dont cheat again when you next see your friend. If she comes on strong, simply say no and tell her you think you should stay friends. Dont tell your girlfriend, forget it happened and most importantly never do it again.

To make yourself feel better you might wanna treat your girlfriend like a princess for a while. :P

[QUOTE="xMOBSTER23x"]

lol five times? I mean, no offense, that's ****ed up of the guys who did. I know not being told hurts more than being told, but he obviously doesn't love her THAT much because he cheated on her, but maybe his girlfriend is loyal to him... so I dunno.

ayanami_rei

How can you be so certain? I'm sure many long lasting couples have/had secrets that are/were never found out, why can't cheating be one of them?

well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downlonewolf604

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downNinja-Hippo

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

You need to tell the truth to everyone. You are also cheating yourself and it's not fair for both your friend and GF. SHAME!

IF YOU TRULY LOVED HER, you wouldn't have cheated. If your girlfriend loves you deeply, you don't deserve her at all and she can do much better then YOU. You will get what you deserve for hurting two innocent women. These are the reasons why women think that men ar a'holes cause guys like you will go and cheat with another woman and say "bu bu but...teh history...an...an...and teh one thing lead to another!"

Whatever dude, come clean and hope she forgives.

End of story, no matter how much you sugar coat it, you are in fact A CHEATER!

How can you be so certain? I'm sure many long lasting couples have/had secrets that are/were never found out, why can't cheating be one of them?

astiop

And let me ask you this. If your girlfriend cheats on you, would you rather she tell you the truth or would you rather have her say nothing and you end up finding out later? If you want her to tell the truth, then why if a man cheats, he shouldn't tell the truth?

[QUOTE="xMOBSTER23x"]

lol five times? I mean, no offense, that's ****ed up of the guys who did. I know not being told hurts more than being told, but he obviously doesn't love her THAT much because he cheated on her, but maybe his girlfriend is loyal to him... so I dunno.

ayanami_rei

I meant if she's loyal it's kind of "meaner" not to tell her. But if he ends the ****ing of the ex now and she's leaving in a few days, as long as he makes sure he covered his tracks, he should be good. I mean, are you so sure you've only been cheated on five times? How do you know there weren't more that you never knew about?

[QUOTE="Ninja-Hippo"]

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downlonewolf604

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

[QUOTE="Ninja-Hippo"]

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downlonewolf604

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

you don't need confidence you just need one moment of extreme stupidity.

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"][QUOTE="Ninja-Hippo"]

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downToriko42

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

[QUOTE="Ninja-Hippo"]

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downlonewolf604

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

Even better. You go in knowing that the only possible outcome is the bad one. Then you move on. It isn't about you getting the chick anymore, it's about letting go of the unreachable and moving on to something else. 5 years is way too long.

You need to tell the truth to everyone. You are also cheating yourself and it's not fair for both your friend and GF. SHAME!

IF YOU TRULY LOVED HER, you wouldn't have cheated. If your girlfriend loves you deeply, you don't deserve her at all and she can do much better then YOU. You will get what you deserve for hurting two innocent women. These are the reasons why women think that men ar a'holes cause guys like you will go and cheat with another woman and say "bu bu but...teh history...an...an...and teh one thing lead to another!"

Whatever dude, come clean and hope she forgives.

End of story, no matter how much you sugar coat it, you are in fact A CHEATER!

groovdafied

I meant if she's loyal it's kind of "meaner" not to tell her. But if he ends the ****ing of the ex now and she's leaving in a few days, as long as he makes sure he covered his tracks, he should be good. I mean, are you so sure you've only been cheated on five times? How do you know there weren't more that you never knew about?

xMOBSTER23x

I believe in Karma.

ayanami_rei

Me too. It bugs the crap out of me everywhere i go. :P

[QUOTE="Toriko42"][QUOTE="lonewolf604"][QUOTE="Ninja-Hippo"]

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downlonewolf604

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"][QUOTE="Ninja-Hippo"]

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downjrhawk42

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

you don't need confidence you just need one moment of extreme stupidity.

qft. Asking girls out while under the influence of alcohol is so much easier, it's unreal. You should try it lonewolf.

If you want to keep your girlfriend, don't tell anyone you know about this, and sweep it under the rug. She WILL NOT understand, especially if she has any sense. What you did is wrong, in every sense of the word. Be ashamed.efrucht

Pretty blunt, eh?

Basically what he said:

Either have a relationship built on a dirty secret.

Or

Tell her and pretty much get dumped. You never know she may be a bit reasonable and because you came clean she might forgive you, but... I wouldn't hold your breath.

But like Efrucht said, you royally screwed up. Got to pay the piper now.

well, the thing is, she's really pretty, where as, i don't find myself so attractive, she'd probably want a hawt azn bflonewolf604

Ask her. Find out. :| Doing nothing makes no sense at all, and only leads to you having no self confidence at all. The more girls you ask out the easier it becomes.

[QUOTE="jrhawk42"][QUOTE="lonewolf604"][QUOTE="Ninja-Hippo"]

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"]well sorry about that stupid comment. i'm just really depressed right now, that i can't even talk to my crush who i liked for 5 years (and still do). everytime i see couples i tear up and just feel really downastiop

Liking somebody for five years and saying nothing is just silly. Think of all the time you've wasted. Just ask the girl out. What's the worst that could happen? She says no. Big deal. Say never mind, be cool about it, and move onto the next opportunity.

you don't need confidence you just need one moment of extreme stupidity.

qft. Asking girls out while under the influence of alcohol is so much easier, it's unreal. You should try it lonewolf.

[QUOTE="lonewolf604"] well, the thing is, she's really pretty, where as, i don't find myself so attractive, she'd probably want a hawt azn bfNinja-Hippo

Ask her. Find out. :| Doing nothing makes no sense at all, and only leads to you having no self confidence at all. The more girls you ask out the easier it becomes.

qft. Asking girls out while under the influence of alcohol is so much easier, it's unreal. You should try it lonewolf.

astiop

That's terrible advice. If he liked the girl for five years, he'll simply spill the beans when he's drunk and come off as a stalker. Would you be comfortable if somebody said they'd liked you and said nothing for five years?

Besides, in my experience, being drunk simply causes you to do and say incredibly embarrasing things which you later have to apologise for. I dont know of any girls who are attracted to blabbering, speech-slurring guys who've had one too many. :P

[QUOTE="xMOBSTER23x"]

I meant if she's loyal it's kind of "meaner" not to tell her. But if he ends the ****ing of the ex now and she's leaving in a few days, as long as he makes sure he covered his tracks, he should be good. I mean, are you so sure you've only been cheated on five times? How do you know there weren't more that you never knew about?

ayanami_rei

Wouldn't you have said the same thing about the previous five early on in the relationship?

If they were short relationships and the one you are in isn't and you know your bf well then that doesn't apply to the same extent I guess. And I'm not trying to say your bf will cheat on you or anything.

[QUOTE="xMOBSTER23x"]

I meant if she's loyal it's kind of "meaner" not to tell her. But if he ends the ****ing of the ex now and she's leaving in a few days, as long as he makes sure he covered his tracks, he should be good. I mean, are you so sure you've only been cheated on five times? How do you know there weren't more that you never knew about?

ayanami_rei

So five out of your six boyfriends cheated on you. And you trust that the guy you're with now is honest. But you probably thought that your previous boyfriends were honest too, right? I mean, if you didn't, why would you go out with them?

[QUOTE="astiop"]

qft. Asking girls out while under the influence of alcohol is so much easier, it's unreal. You should try it lonewolf.

Ninja-Hippo

That's terrible advice. If he liked the girl for five years, he'll simply spill the beans when he's drunk and come off as a stalker. Would you be comfortable if somebody said they'd liked you and said nothing for five years?

Besides, in my experience, being drunk simply causes you to do and say incredibly embarrasing things which you later have to apologise for. I dont know of any girls who are attracted to blabbering, speech-slurring guys who've had one too many. :P

I was on about girls you don't know that well. Actualy you are right, the part were he said he wants her for 5 years now escaped my mind when typing that. But by drunk I don't mean completely wasted. I mean a little dizzy, enough to start acting more freely while still being self aware.

I find it a lot easyer to speak to anyone about anything after a few drinks.

Wouldn't you have said the same thing about the previous five early on in the relationship?

If they were short relationships and the one you are in isn't and you know your bf well then that doesn't apply to the same extent I guess. And I'm not trying to say your bf will cheat on you or anything.

astiop

sigh...i don't know....i honestly don't think i can.....lonewolf604

Dont make a big deal of it. "Hi, i was just wondering - would you like to go out with me some time?" Yes - "Awesome, i'll give you a call later." No - "Ah well, cant blame a guy for trying. See you later".

Painless.

[QUOTE="groovdafied"]

You need to tell the truth to everyone. You are also cheating yourself and it's not fair for both your friend and GF. SHAME!

IF YOU TRULY LOVED HER, you wouldn't have cheated. If your girlfriend loves you deeply, you don't deserve her at all and she can do much better then YOU. You will get what you deserve for hurting two innocent women. These are the reasons why women think that men ar a'holes cause guys like you will go and cheat with another woman and say "bu bu but...teh history...an...an...and teh one thing lead to another!"

Whatever dude, come clean and hope she forgives.

End of story, no matter how much you sugar coat it, you are in fact A CHEATER!

Toriko42

Let's say for instance you don't tell her and you live a long relationship with her. You will be having a huge burden that you did something and invaded her trust in you. Then you decide to tell her later on, that just causes too much pain and suffering on both you and most likely will ruin your relationship and my other things.

I say, tell her now and face the music will cause pain and maybe forgiven seeing that you told her it has happened the last few days. This will disrupt the balance of trust, but doing the right thing is a start... don't cover up...

[QUOTE="Ninja-Hippo"][QUOTE="astiop"]

qft. Asking girls out while under the influence of alcohol is so much easier, it's unreal. You should try it lonewolf.

astiop

That's terrible advice. If he liked the girl for five years, he'll simply spill the beans when he's drunk and come off as a stalker. Would you be comfortable if somebody said they'd liked you and said nothing for five years?

Besides, in my experience, being drunk simply causes you to do and say incredibly embarrasing things which you later have to apologise for. I dont know of any girls who are attracted to blabbering, speech-slurring guys who've had one too many. :P

I was on about girls you don't know that well. Actualy you are right, the part were he said he wants her for 5 years now escaped my mind when typing that. But by drunk I don't mean completely wasted. I mean a little dizzy, enough to start acting more freely while still being self aware.

I find it a lot easyer to speak to anyone about anything after a few drinks.

You are definately right about talking to girls you dont know; when i go out with my friends, pretty much the only time i come onto girls is when i'm drunk. If i were sober i wouldnt be able to think of anything to say, or i would have something to say but i'd be worried it's dumb. When you've been drinking you tend to just say whatever crops up into the ole' noggin. :P

So five out of your six boyfriends cheated on you. And you trust that the guy you're with now is honest. But you probably thought that your previous boyfriends were honest too, right? I mean, if you didn't, why would you go out with them?

xMOBSTER23x

I don't deny I'm a cheater I just wonder what is worse

Telling her, hurting her feelings and causing a break up which is bad for both of us or hold it inside me which is bad for me. The only problem is if it comes back later if our relationship gets that serious which I'm not sure if it will but we have been together for a year and a half now.Toriko42

How long have you been going out with your girlfriend? And how "badly" did you cheat? Did you guys just make up or did you... y'know... well let's just say if this was God of War it'd be a mini game.

Here's my advice. IMO, you gotta come clean and tell your GF the truth. be a MAN and tell your current GF exactly what happened. Don't try to say you did it to make sure she had a good time, she wont buy that garbage........,and you should probably expect her to dump you.

Personally, if i cheated on a girl, i would tell her and expect her to dump me on the spot. Its about respect. I wouldnt respect a person that cheated on me. and I also dont respect the person that tollerates a cheater. It's simple. somebody cheats on you, then you dump them. If you are thinking of cheating on somebody, then you break up with them first. Goodluck in the future, cuz I'm pretty sure you will get dumped when your gf finds out. If YOU are the one to tell her, she may not hate you forever. Dont let her find out from somebody else......

edit: I just thought of another possible way to handle it. Another option is to just break up with her now, make up some lame exuse. Then she will be sad that you broke up, but she wont be mad that you cheated on her.........but be sure there's no way she'll find out. cuz that would be ugly..... either way. you gotta break it off. in my opinion by cheating, you doomed the relationship.

[QUOTE="astiop"]

How can you be so certain? I'm sure many long lasting couples have/had secrets that are/were never found out, why can't cheating be one of them?

ayanami_rei

And let me ask you this. If your girlfriend cheats on you, would you rather she tell you the truth or would you rather have her say nothing and you end up finding out later? If you want her to tell the truth, then why if a man cheats, he shouldn't tell the truth?

Hm, let's just say if there was a 50/50 chance of me finding out or not, I would prefer she kept it secret. If I loved her and she did something she regreted later, I wouldn't want to lose her over it. But if she told me I would be too angry at that time not to say a few things I might regret when I calm down.

Once that happens I wouldn't ask her to be with me again even if I wanted to. It's a flaw of mine.

come clean or deal with a guilty conscious.

tell both your ex and current girlfriends the whole situation. and it would be best to maybe meet your ex at a very public location.

[QUOTE="Toriko42"][QUOTE="groovdafied"]

You need to tell the truth to everyone. You are also cheating yourself and it's not fair for both your friend and GF. SHAME!

IF YOU TRULY LOVED HER, you wouldn't have cheated. If your girlfriend loves you deeply, you don't deserve her at all and she can do much better then YOU. You will get what you deserve for hurting two innocent women. These are the reasons why women think that men ar a'holes cause guys like you will go and cheat with another woman and say "bu bu but...teh history...an...an...and teh one thing lead to another!"

Whatever dude, come clean and hope she forgives.

End of story, no matter how much you sugar coat it, you are in fact A CHEATER!

groovdafied

Let's say for instance you don't tell her and you live a long relationship with her. You will be having a huge burden that you did something and invaded her trust in you. Then you decide to tell her later on, that just causes too much pain and suffering on both you and most likely will ruin your relationship and my other things.

I say, tell her now and face the music will cause pain and maybe forgiven seeing that you told her it has happened the last few days. This will disrupt the balance of trust, but doing the right thing is a start... don't cover up...

[QUOTE="astiop"]

Wouldn't you have said the same thing about the previous five early on in the relationship?

If they were short relationships and the one you are in isn't and you know your bf well then that doesn't apply to the same extent I guess. And I'm not trying to say your bf will cheat on you or anything.

ayanami_rei

I'm sure Toriko's GF is thinking the exact same thing.

What if ayanami is Toriko's GF?????