Is my girlfriend justified here?

So, she is the kind of person who just doesn't much like talking to people. She remains pretty solitary for most of her free time, and only interacting with people when she has to.

That includes me.

See, six nights out of the week, she tells me she wants to be alone. When I try to talk to her, she just seems really uninterested and seems like she just wants the conversation to be over. Every once in a while, there will be a night where we talk and get along just fine (and the thing is, when we do get along, the conversation flows perfectly; we are pretty much perfect for each other in that regard because we are so much alike). But when we don't talk.... I just feel like I can't talk to her at all. Even if I really need someone to talk to, I feel like I can't talk to her. She just becomes a recluse watching YouTube and Netflix during 90% of her free time, not really wanting to interact with me.

We have been together for over a year and I love her to pieces, and I know she loves me too, but I'm getting tired of feeling like I can't talk to the one person who I am supposed to always be able to talk to.

So....am I being unreasonable wanting her to interact with me more, or is she justified?

6 out of 7 nights of the week she doesn't want to interact with you (or anyone else for that matter)? That doesn't sound like a loving girlfriend to me.

Make her accidentally stumble upon this thread so she could see how much you care about her.

I can't tell if this is sarcasm or not...

that pretty much was the last two month of my last relationship.

bitch would have an attitude and be so distant from during those last two months. Since we didnt have a fight or a problem I just thought maybe she just going through something ( she did have some financial, house hold, and school issuaes) and I as her boyfriend who loved her very much would do my best to make happy and do whatever for her.

I took her out here, took her there. I bought her this, bought her that, where ever she wanted to go I took her (she didnt have a car), what ever activity/party her friends where having I would go with her (cuz she wouldnt be able to go with out a ride).

Then her birthday was comming up in a week and a half, so I surprised her by saying i needed something from Best Buy so we went together and I didnt need anything but since she needed a laptop I bought her one right on the spot. At first she was like no, but I just thought she was being nice and not wanting me to spend that much money on her, whatever I bought and she took it. Then we get to the car and she starts fighting with me like I just kicked her pregnant cat or something. She was really upset but in an illogical manner and she said something that I didnt understand at the moment: "What are people gonna think? What is my mom and grandma gonna say? That im only with you cuz you buy me stuff, you know they are gonna say that." I did understand that. Her mom and grandma loved me and we had been together for almost a year, so... um.. what?

You see she had already mentally broke up with me and ended our relationship two months ago, so its not that she didnt want the laptop for her birthday (she really wanted it), is that how was she gonna break up with me after I just bought her a laptop. Thats why she was mad and she knew her mom and grandma where gonna give her shit for doing that (cuz they loved me and wanted me to marry her, no joke).

And she did. 4 hours after I bought her the laptop we were at her house, her mom and grandma had left and she comes with the "I dont love you and I dont want to be with you anymore. I didnt want to tell you so I was hoping you would be the one to end the relationship."

Never seen her ever again.

Moral of the story: if your girlfriend acts really distant from you and seems like she doesnt like you around half the time but when she needs something thats when they are good to you.... you are being played and they dont have no where near the same feelings you have for them. Now it could get confusing because you might have sex/be intimate whatever at the same time they are being emotionally distant from you. Cuz that was me: "Damn this bitch has been being a real bitch to me lately, but we did have some good sex 2 nights ago tho."

This is not sarcasm man. You only need to show her how much you care about just talking to her ...in an indirect way of course. Y'know, the romantic way.

@Nengo_Flow: We aren't quite like that.... as I said, we do interact from time to time, and when we do, it's perfect. We are more alike than anyone else I know. We even have this weird little hum language that we still use regularly....

ok bro...

either way, if you are in a relationship you or her cant be selfish and only interact when she wants to etc.

and since you do seem to have a problem that she isnt giving the relationship much attention then you got to bring that up with her and see what her deal is. Cuz you never know what is really going on some times (like in my case).

And another issue that could happen is that if it continues like this, then she is gonna get used to to having it her way and will only be with you when she feels like it and you'll be sitting on the bench waiting for her to call you in. To me she seems selfish a bit (or could get selfish) cuz she cares a more about her self, her ways, and the stuff she likes to do and prefers it more over you.

That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. If you feel miserable most of the time you are gonna have to weight that out against those special moments when everything clicks.

Only you know if they are worth it.

Relationships are two-way street. I wouldn't put up with that.

Bingo
Not worth your time mate
Sometimes when you love someone, you gotta let em go
Cause right now, it seems like a constant mind ****
Which is really really not healthy

I'll also add to this. Take her out to dinner so you can find out what's been going on and such meaning that's the best way to get her attention.

Well...

Really sounds like it's you with the problem. As in, you either got some major self esteem issues from thinking you ain't worth shit and figuring this is as good as it gets or something. Less you're lying and making it seem out of proportion then it sounds like your the emotional fix in the pairing. She knows what she wants, does what she wants, and knows you will be there for the fix when she's needing what you'd be giving.

It's called Time bro. It's precious as hell. She knows it but you don't. And that's okay if you're satisfied. But if you wanted to fix this stuff you should of done it long ago and not after a year. It's situated. It's a habit. It's what you two do now. If you break that up most chances are so will the two of you.

So I guess you just gotta ask yourself, of the one who you love and you say loves you.

Why are you so damn scared of her?

@CreasianDevaili: Probably he thinks she's gonna kill him?

Never know. Personally I think this whole thing comes off as a bit one sided, but then again that is to give the OP the benefit of the doubt.

It sounds like someone with some issues. Doesn't actually mean she has no feelings for TC.

Anyway TC you have to talk to her about this....not OT. Tell her it's important and then thrash it out one way or the other.

Have you brought these concerns to her? I have dated girls like that, and you have to understand it is their nature sometimes.

Sounds like a weekend relationship. You know, the "it's so perfect when we get together on saturdays" because you don't have to actually have a relationship where you share problems and go through hardships together...when you only see each other 1 day a week nobody wants to bother the other with problems, so it seems perfect, but deep down both know that it wouldn't work on a 24/7 relationship.

Talk to her; if you're in a relationship with her you owe her that much. If she refuses to talk to you about what's going on and if this has been her behaviour since the beginning of the relationship then you need to start thinking about yourself, and this doesn't seem to be a healthy relationship in any way for you. Analyze your feelings and try to figure out if you really love her of if you just love being in a relationship instead of alone, no matter how less of a relationship you have compared to how you wish it was. Not trying to make you feel bad, but I love my wife more than anything, therefore would never dream of saying bad stuff about her to anyone, including complete strangers. Not a reprimand, just something for you to think about.

what do you want to do ?

look in her eyes the whole bloody time

grow up

Don't do that. Anyways you should really talk to her about this. Being able to rely on one another with daily issues is part of what makes a relationship a wonderful thing. If she isn't willing to discuss your issues with you I would say that it isn't the greatest relationship.
I wish you well and hope this turns out okay.

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me. If you need more interaction with her then you need to tell her how you feel. If she doesn't change then you need to break it off.

She sounds perfect.

you have to understand that some of us are just different and she probably doesnt talk to you or anyone else because she has nothing to talk about. if you really love her and want to be with her accept her for who she is and let her be herself.

I was with this girl and she was acting like that with me. i dont think she was playing me though... i just think that she just didnt know what she really wanted. it wouldnt surprise me if the two of you got back together later in life.

I'm not a relationships guru or anything but I have an unshakable and immutable conviction that asking for advice about personal relationships can more often than not be one of the most harmful things one can do to himself and his overall emotional well-being and happiness/content. Its mostly no body's fault as only the individual is truly capable of judging these matters based on his unique best interest while others are nothing but uninformed and oblivious onlookers, although some people around you might be in reality malignant and as such would provide you with premeditated malicious advice to manipulate you in one way or another for God knows why. I also believe that sometimes people would give you bad relationship advice because of their tendency to project on others and the scars and intensely bad associations failed past relationship experiences can leave in people.

It is no surprise that from the description in the OP that most people are telling you to bail on the relationship; they can hardly offer you any other advice under the circumstances. With that said, only you can judge this seemingly disadvantageous situation. That is not to say that no one can judge somebody else's relationships. Often a relationship is so conspicuously abusive and toxic that anybody can judge it properly. What I personally understood from the OP is that your girlfriend has some substantive issues that do not reflect a mean and vicious nature but an ailed one. I also picked up on the fact that it seems the two of you have something of value. Primarily, you're faced with a decision to make whether this relationship worth keeping and fighting for or not. First make up your mind about this then proceed to build up on that decision and try to come up with the best course of action to realize the conclusions you arrived at.

Does she love you?

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Personally, I would try to figure out the root cause and mend the relationship. If that fails, perhaps it's best to break it off and move on. I understand you love her but that's moot if she doesn't love or care about you too.

it sounds like she's an introvert, yes she needs companionship but not as much as you do, you can't fault her for being who she is. When you're an introvert talking often and being around people frequently is exhausting. And that's pretty assumptuos to assume you can't talk to her when you need someone to talk to, even if she is an introvert she is still your gf and understands you need someone to talk to when you're going through something just as much as she would. How is she supposed to know how you feel if you say nothing. And besides if she's not up for conversation there's other stuff you can do like cuddle, watch movies, go out or play a video game together. It sounds like you don't fully understand how much socializing she can handle or what kind. It'd probably be easier for her to socialize if it's just you and her most of the time. This is what happens when an extrovert tries dating introvert, friction.

its one of two things: either number one she has another man and that's what she's doing with her free time regardless of what you think. Or number 2 she's just a recluse and she is not ready to commit to a relationship which does require time and effort. Relationships are not just hugs and kisses and intimacy it is compromise and hard work that is what makes them worthwhile. If your girl is not ready to commit to that then she's not ready for you you need to let her go.

That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. If you guys have been dating for over a year, you guys should definitely be interacting more than once a week. To be honest, it sounds like she is not as invested in the relationship as you are. If she truly felt as strongly for you as you for her, she would want to spend more time with you. Either that or she really is just a recluse, and you too might not be a good match for each other then (I'm assuming you are going to want to get closer with her in the relationship as time goes on). The only thing you can do really is talk to her about it. Don't make her feel bad about it, but at the same time be honest about how her lack of communication makes you feel and your expectations from this relationship.

This is horrible advice

I imagine many feminists are rolling over in their graves right now because of this comment

Relationships are a two way street, ideally.

@Nengo_Flow: @Master_Live: @Master_Live: @CreasianDevaili: @korvus: @Serraph105: @GazaAli: @Celsius765: @redstorm72:

Alright, so last night, I told her how I feel.

She thought about it for a minute and then started crying. She said how messed up she thinks she is and how her depression has turned her into an introvert.

I was unaware that she had depression until she said that. I guess I should have noticed the signs sooner since I have it too, but I wish she would have said something sooner. We handle it differently though, clearly.

So tonight, I suggested a new course of action. I suggested to her that we set aside a certain amount of time each day for just us, to do whatever. Play a game, watch a movie or show, go out, or just talk. It would be reasonable though, because we would plan it so that we would still have plenty of personal time as well so that I don't overwhelm the introvert in her. She agreed.

So...I guess it has been handled. Case closed.

@magicalclick: Yes you are right, there are people that actually enjoy/thrive off this sort of thing. Its probably more common than most people know actually if we are talking private feelings and fantasies... but i think people arent going to be straight forward and honest about it in most cases. Many probably wouldnt appreciate being called out on it publicly at all, particularly men. In any case because the topic is a delicate one, i wouldnt suggest dominating her as sound advice given we know so little about them and their situation personally.

All i can tell you is how i feel in your situation given the information you left and its not good. I would definitely consider dumping a woman that was incapable of providing me any sort of emotional connection to that extent. She may or may not have personal issues that cause her to ignore you but at some point you are going to have to consider your own feelings and happiness in the equation. At the very least, make damn sure she really is "that kind of person" and she really is treating everyone that way because if she isnt, then she is using you for something and you need to drop her ass right away.

I'm proud of you both.

no... Im pretty poor.

And we had dated back in the for 2 months a year before.

The girl did love me the first 9 months, like legit. She she loved showing me off to her friends, she loved posting about me, she called me everyday and texted me none stop. She was very caring towards me and most of the time it was here who wanted sex. It seemed like she wanted sex all the time and I was already tired from getting off work at nidnight.

I never bought her much. Other than the laptop I never bought anything else over $30. I would tell her most times that she knows Im poor and she would most times insist that I wouldnt buy her anything even when I wanted to buy her something. Sometimes she would buy us something to eat if we went out cuz she didnt want me to be the one always paying.

@Kevlar101 said:

@Nengo_Flow: @Master_Live: @Master_Live: @CreasianDevaili: @korvus: @Serraph105: @GazaAli: @Celsius765: @redstorm72:

Alright, so last night, I told her how I feel.

She thought about it for a minute and then started crying. She said how messed up she thinks she is and how her depression has turned her into an introvert.

I was unaware that she had depression until she said that. I guess I should have noticed the signs sooner since I have it too, but I wish she would have said something sooner. We handle it differently though, clearly.

So tonight, I suggested a new course of action. I suggested to her that we set aside a certain amount of time each day for just us, to do whatever. Play a game, watch a movie or show, go out, or just talk. It would be reasonable though, because we would plan it so that we would still have plenty of personal time as well so that I don't overwhelm the introvert in her. She agreed.

So...I guess it has been handled. Case closed.

ok good job buddy, looks like your on your way to having a nice, understanding, and loving relationship

@Kevlar101: Just confront her about it

Look at that, who said OT wasn't fucking helpful.

Eat it haters.

@Kevlar101: Well done! Best of luck moving forward =D

We are vindicated!

It depends on the person. Some people just don't require stimuli (conversation, physical contact and so on) from other people on a constant basis.

I am a bit of an introvert and a few times a week I just want to tear my hair out from people bothering me - it's really tough with you have two little kids that crave constant attention. At least once a week I just take a lot of time to myself and I've had my wife bug me about wanting to be left alone and after explaining myself as being a bit of an introvert and why I need down time she understood better. But if she constantly bugged me on those days I said I needed to be left alone - I'd eventually snap at her and tell her to f-off for a bit....she doesn't bug me anymore on days like that and lets me be.

There are varying levels of introverts; I'd say I'm what people would call a functional introvert - I enjoy being left alone (more often than naught), but I know how to interact with others around me when it's needed. I like going to movies, being around a group of people in a theater doesn't bug me. I hate to travel - other people are just fucking stupid and in my way; I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to be kept waiting behind slow people. I also hate shopping during busy hours (mid hours during weekends or right after work and people are out shopping before or just after they got home) and I go out of my way to shop late at night or very early in the morning to avoid people.

Your girl is probably more towards (if not exactly) a extreme introvert - she really only takes comfort around people short amounts of time and prefers to be left alone and will interact when she sees fit. That is who she is. Maybe talking and working with a specialist could help adjust some of it, but most likely she'll always be an introvert.

You may really enjoy "certain" times with her, but if you can't accept her for how she is or if she's not willing to try and make any headway on her avoidance towards others....you may be better off moving on with your life, but that's something for you to decide. Weigh all your options, help however you can (if she lets you) and then continue with your life.