Is this normal for a college student?

Does anyone else feel that... life is not going anywhere good for him? Yeah I'm unhappy, the thing is, I can't change anything about it. I'm a 20 year old broke college student (I look like 25), my parents are in debt and I still have 3 years of medical school left for me to go into my internship. All my friends are now seniors, most of them with paid scholarships and future job security. All four of my childhood friends have already bought cars with their own money while I still mooch of my parents. Right now, I have no friends as most of the people I'd call friends are busy in their lives and so am I. All of my colleagues in my college are well, just colleagues. I'm not close to my parents or my siblings. I feel sooo alone.

The only girl I've actually fallen in love with is way above me in terms of both beauty and social status. I love her personality, but I have emotional baggage to deal with. Her personality and mindset is perfect and mine is not. In terms of looks, I'm really really average. It wouldn't be fair. I'm showing signs of depression, and my mood is almost always low. People call me pessimist. Doesn't help that I currently have pneumonia exacerbated by asthma.

I don't hate medicine, but this state of doing absolutely nothing other than studying is killing me. While all the people I know are enjoying their lives experiencing new things and whatnot. And even when opportunities arise, I hesitate to take them because I'm an introvert. Even my fellow medical students who's parents are able, they get to travel a lot. I'm broke, ugly, always anxious, no confidence, no friends, and depressed.

Sorry, I know you don't give a single fck, but I had to vent this out somewhere and OT seems my only friend right now.

I'm not sure if this is just a stage in my life or I really need professional help.

shouldn't you be studying? :P

@comp_atkins: I should be buddy, but I can't do it anymore right now.

i know exactly what im talking about. If you are studying to be a doctor, you have to keep things in perspective....

you knew you were going to be in school for a long time before , but theres a reason for that and it will pay off at the end.

how about some self esteem here. being introverted is not some condition, its who you are. be happy with yourself. Right now, you dont need a relationship...specially if you have baggage. When you dont have to study, go for a hike, a walk...find somewhere with a view and just realize how life is really not that bad. i somtimes used to stay up until sunrise and just ppl watch and just gain perspective.

you have the power to change your perception, and you have to give consent to people or things to affect you.

For a long time i was in the same situation, just feeling depressed and watched as my friends became successful and life is passing me by...the best thing i ever did was just appreciate the situation that was given to me. If you can get there, then things will be alright

As a fellow med student, I can tell you that the way you are feeling is normal. I'm just assuming you are in the US and planning on taking the USMLE. If so, everyone is stressed about that, I know I was. It's a sacrifice you have to make for the job you want. Yes, its stressful and time consuming, and in most cases, it leaves you zero time for socializing. If you are studying for step 1, its even worse cause you have to know a lot of theoretical knowledge you will probably never use as a doctor, and the exam is just so damn scary. I would like to say that it gets easier, but it really doesnt. I mean for me personally, I'm in clinical sciences so I enjoy it a lot more. Sure the hours are insane and I have pretty much no social life, but at least you are seeing patients and real cases. And the moment you finally see someone with one of those conditions that the USMLE loves to ask you about but you will probably never see in your life, it makes everything all worth it. I saw a guy with Redman Syndrome and another guy with Carcinoid Syndrome all in one day and I was like "OH SNAP!!!!".

That being said, just because it's supposed to be hard and time consuming doesnt mean you should be depressed. You need to find an outlet, force yourself to meet new people and to go out, or you will go crazy, I know I almost did. And don't be afraid to see a shrink. You, as a future doctor, should know that there is no shame in asking for help if you need it. My advice, pick a single day of the week were you just go out and have fun. My day was friday. After classes, I would meet up with my friends and we would go out and have fun. They Saturday and Sunday were study days. As for your confidence and all that stuff, you need to build it up, no one can help you with that. You just need to say to yourself "once a week, I'm gonna put myself out there and do something I would never normally do" and over time you will get used to it and build confidence.

P.S. Kaplan videos + First Aid + USMLE World = awesome Step 1 score!

I'm somewhat in your predicament too. I'm a 21 year old college student and fit most of those traits in bold, except for depression since I've never been diagnosed with it. Although it does run in my family. I'd say I'm average or slightly below average in terms of looks. Most girls don't even take a second look at me. Maybe it's not my looks but rather my lack of self-confidence. In western culture, it doesn't matter how good looking a male is if he doesn't have self-confidence. Guys like us who lack confidence are fucked, and not in the good way. The only thing that might actually get a confidence lacking guy a girlfriend is if he has money, which, like you, I severely lack.

I bus tables for $7.25 an hour plus tips on Friday and Saturday evenings primarily. That money goes towards paying my monthly car insurance and credit card, which is for gas and my cellphone bill mostly. Recently, I've been sneaking ten to twenty dollars to keep for myself. It fucking sucks not being able to spend what little money I earn on what I want. Another busboy I work with is about a year or so older than me, and he recently bought a new PS3 for less than $250 because his other one broke. And here I am scraping by trying to pay off a damn credit card. The restaurant I work at is in a rich suburb too, which somewhat makes me feel alienated. Not to mention all the couples that come in. I think I'm one of maybe two or three single people who work there, out of the fifty or so employees. I'm probably the only virgin there.

As for friends, I actually don't give a crap about not having any. I'm more of a loner myself, and I can tolerate life so long as I have my Internet and video games. It's sad, but it's the truth. Everyone seems to have a life except for me, but gaming and the Internet are my only ways of escapism.

I can't speak for you, but I think I'll be happier once I'm out of school and in the real world, not pissing around at a restaurant for minimum wage. I also wonder why the hell it's legal to pay people only seven fucking dollars an hour.

Anyway, stay strong, buddy. :) If life gives you lemons, squeeze them back at it. Preferably in the eyes. :P

Peace.

Stop thinking about what others think, even your title reflects that.

@gamerguru100: @jsmoke03: Thank you guys, your responses made me so much happier. Thanks for taking the time to reply back, really means a lot to me!

@II_Seraphim_II: Yeah its exactly like that. All the stress and stuff is driving me crazy. I don't normally get high grades in my school exams, and having to think about the USMLE scares the shit out of me. I need to find a solution to this anxiety because as you said, it just doesn't get any better, and its becoming worse in my case!

No problem, man. :)

Well if you're going to study medicine I wouldn't expect the poorness to end soon. Just think though: when you're pulling in that doctor money you can take a hot nurse to a fancy restaurant in your awesome car.

as for the asthma, I feel you there. It's hard not to be depressed when you don't feel healthy.... I always think of how I would surely die in a zombie apocalypse scenario if I wasn't able to find a pharmacy to raid for inhalers.

We're getting too many depression threads these days.I'm afraid I can't contribute much, because I'm battling it myself and if I knew any tricks I'd definitely use them for myself first.I'm just shocked and sad to see so many people echoing my story.I sugggest seeking professional help; I've finally given up on not doing so, and am going to visit a shrink in my university's mental clinic to get help.I suggest you do the same, it's better than nothing.And in case of suicidal thoughts, recall Joel's final line; it's a motivating inspiration (bit of a spoiler if you haven't played the game, but still worth it): I've struggled a long time with surviving, and you no matter what, keep finding something worth fighting for.

You might start by saying an affirmation to yourself daily. It can help a lot, eventually you are going to believe it and live it. Keep it short and simple. Say 3 positive words to yourself every day. It's not hard to do and it can help keep you in a good frame of mind. Make it your mantra.

• Health

• Wealth

• Happiness

@TehFuneral: Let me tell you the shortcut. Focus on getting your girl. Don't be clingy of course. But try to know her better. And make her feel special about you (there are experts in OT for that). Once you start doing this, you'll have something else to do. Even if it's a bittersweet feeling, you'll definitely be in a better position than you're in right now. It'll give you a new meaning, a new mission. Then when you think the time is right, confess. That's all I can say. It's the shortest way out of this state of depression. Be confident about yourself. Not everyone falls for your looks.

100 points for the TLOU reference :P

Well, career and education sense your'e on the right track. Guess better to be well paid and friendless than broke and friendless, so keep your eye on the ball. Don't be insecure about your relationship, that's just a ticket to truly being alone. but hey, if she's a socialite, be so lucky. I've probably made more friends I met through friends than I made by myself. And sure, your parents are helping you through college during their own trying times, stop feeling guilty about it and instead realize the responsibility that brings. After you're successful you can return the favor and look after them. But hey, if you get the chance, see if there's any grants or financial aid that you can receive to lighten the load.

@TehFuneral: u can start making friends wit rich people...

If you have a realistic shot at getting through medical school and becoming a doctor you need to take it. It's better to be miserable for a few years than to be miserable for your entire life. Most of us have had to make those kinds of choices. I chose the military for my brief years of suck in order to get the job I really wanted.

As for your social issues, I think you need to take more chances. You need to stop hesitating and try to socialize more.

@TehFuneral: you are still young bro three more years studying is nothing compared to the rest of your life, and you will be a doctor at the end you will be getting PAID my friend.

You say you are average looking cool, a lot of girls don't always go for the hot guy who seems perfect, as guys like that can be arrogant, from what I've learned nice girls with substance don't like arrogant guys.

What a lot of girls do like is an average looking guy who has prospects, a guy who works hard to achieve his goals. You should be full of confidence man you are on a great path, stay on it.

Maybe for confidence boost you should start a little weight training if you don't already, girls like a hot bod lol.

You don't have to get big just nicely toned and you will find that you gain confidence more and more after each session, but even so a tonne of girls will settle for you as you are you just have to be patient and you will meet the right girl for you.

Also what's your diet like? A poor diet can contribute to feeling shitty, maybe incorporate some healthy foods into your diet, maybe some fruit and veg smoothies as a quick fix, it will make you feel better on the inside.

Don't worry what your friends have got bro, everyone's situation is different some people have it easier than others, but at least you are doing positive things for your future.

And finally if your feelings get worse don't suffer in silence, talk to someone anyone who will listen, even your doctor just get it all off your chest and maybe just talking about how you're feeling will make you feel better.

@TehFuneral: You dont need professional help or doctor. you need weekend away, something to went out. Once i took my friend to a metal concert to mosh, it helped but different things work for different people.

So you need some time away to let your mind relax, maybe some bud would help or meditation. I take walks in the forest listening to some relaxing tunes or just walking around. Talk to friends.

Also @xeno_ghost made some great points. One thing i have learned is not to stress out over women. You know what you have to offer, you know loyalty, respect, care...If she wants looks and if social status matters to her than she is not worth what you have. i usually say THE one will show up when you least expect it, dont want to sound like a dick but in the mean time get your sex on mate :)

@TehFuneral: you should probably go to a councelor and hear just to to be sure

Thank you for all the replies everyone. It really really means a lot. I'm starting to feel way way better. Thanks for being here for me each and everyone of you. Your advice are all well noted. Any more advice/opinions are more than welcome!

Thank you for being good humans.

Don't worry, all you described is someone who's meant to have a bright future. Obstacles on the way are part of making it taste better when you ultimately succeed, just don't falter.

Depression? See a doctor (well, you're a med student, you know it can have physiological causes), see a therapist if needed. Exercise as you can... make good use of your time if you can as well, this makes us feel better.

And on having doubts if you like the profession you're studying to work in, there's no miracle: you'll only know if you really like it or not when you dive into studies and try to dominate it. If you get no satisfaction at all in that, then you may consider changing areas. But we usually don't like something we still don't comprehend, so don't jump your gun.

@TehFuneral: It doesn't matter what others are doing. If you constantly compare yourself to others, you're going to get depressed. Everyone is in a different situation with different circumstances and you need to focus on your own. Things will get better, but you need to keep your head in the game.

I'm broke, ugly, always anxious, no confidence, no friends, and depressed.

Throw that negativity under the bus because it's going to do nothing but drag you down. You're in college, and that's more than what most can say. You're studying medicine. What does that mean? You're studying to save the fucking world. If you have to lone wolf your way to success, so be it, but I assure you, you do have friends. Distant, maybe, but still friends. Only you can drag yourself to rock bottom and only you can hack and climb your way to the top.

A close friend of mine went through a really rough time a couple years back. He has no high school diploma(drop out), his parents split up due to his crappy drug-addict brother, lost his car due to circumstances surrounding his parent's divorce, the people he was living with got everyone evicted and lied to get money off of him(needless to say, he's no longer friends with them), and had to get rides to work and stay with others for a while. It wasn't long ago that he got a car and someone rear-ended him and totaled it. He was a pretty sad guy. Now, he's renting his own place, has a new car, and a regular job. He told me that the first thing he had to do was stop thinking so negatively. His philosophy is - "Why be sad when you can be awesome instead?" It may sound cliche, but it worked.

This is a really good post. Well said.