Jokes so bad their almost funny

"Why do they call it ovaltine? The mug is round, the jar is round. They should call it roundtime"

i don't get it ): ): ):

Why did the chicken cross the road?

[spoiler] To get to the other side :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:Oh boy, I crack myself up sometimes [/spoiler]

"Why do they call it ovaltine? The mug is round, the jar is round. They should call it roundtime"

megahaloman64

Why did the chicken cross the road?

-Sun_Tzu-

[QUOTE="megahaloman64"]

"Why do they call it ovaltine? The mug is round, the jar is round. They should call it roundtime"

GrandJury

Why did the chicken cross the road?

-Sun_Tzu-

[QUOTE="-Sun_Tzu-"]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

needled24-7

:(

:cry:

You are obviously just jealous of my comedic brilliance :x

[QUOTE="GrandJury"][QUOTE="megahaloman64"]

"Why do they call it ovaltine? The mug is round, the jar is round. They should call it roundtime"

jimmyjammer69

What's brown and sticky? A stick! Did you hear about the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn? He had mittens! Why did God only make one Yogi bear? because when he tried to make the second, he made a boo-boo! When is a car, not a car? When it turns into a driveway! What do you call someone who never passes gas in public? A private tutor! Why was Tigger looking into the toilet? To find Pooh! (vulgar, I know :() What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the batmobile? "Robin, get in the batmobile!" P.S. I have too many of these :(Setsa

What does swiss cheese and Jesus have in common?

[spoiler] They're both holy [/spoiler]

Did you hear about the goldfish thatw went bankrupt? Now he's a bronzefish.

Why did the child with one arm call an ambulance?

Because his father just got ran over by a pickup truck.

It's hilarious, I know :D

Wasn't that the bad Seinfeld joke? LJS9502_basic

Wasn't that the bad Seinfeld joke? LJS9502_basic

A blonde entered a store and went to the cashier. She said:

- Excuse me, I'm looking for some first-class curtains for my new computer! :D

The cashier, very confused, asks:

- Uh, why would you want curtains fora computer?! :|

To which the blonde replies:

- Well, I've changed from Mac to Windows! :)

:lol:

All of Chuck Norris' facts like:

Chuck Norris did count to infinite. Twice.

A blonde entered a store and went to the cashier. She said:

- Excuse me, I'm looking for some first-class curtains for my new computer! :D

The cashier, very confused, asks:

- Uh, why would you want curtains fora computer?! :|

To which the blonde replies:

- Well, I've changed from Mac to Windows! :)

:lol:

Propaganda_

That one is actually pretty funny :D

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]Wasn't that the bad Seinfeld joke? GrandJury

[QUOTE="Propaganda_"]

A blonde entered a store and went to the cashier. She said:

- Excuse me, I'm looking for some first-class curtains for my new computer! :D

The cashier, very confused, asks:

- Uh, why would you want curtains fora computer?! :|

To which the blonde replies:

- Well, I've changed from Mac to Windows! :)

:lol:

Dragoran123

That one is actually pretty funny :D

Yeah, it kind of rocks.

I did my friends with it, and they laughed a lot. :D

[QUOTE="GrandJury"][QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]Wasn't that the bad Seinfeld joke? LJS9502_basic

Bania

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"][QUOTE="GrandJury"]Yeah Its gold Jerry, GOLD.megahaloman64

Bania

A train of moles were moving swiftly across the a barren desert. They have been traveling for hours, nose to tail. Each of them on a personal journey of love, redemption and some revenge. All of these moles are ready for any obstacle. They are moving so fast they seem to be gliding across the golden sand. Suddenly, the smalles mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train grinds to a halt, every mole stops at once. The largest mole, the king, the champion, the sexiest mole there is steps away from the train and looks back at the smaller one. He narrows his eyes and sniiffs the air several times. He smells nothing, so with one majestic wave of his hand the mole train is back on course. After several hours the same tiny mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again and king mole looks back, sniffs again but this time with greater concentration and focus. He smells nothing again, so the train goes on. After many hours of moving, the small mole again says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again, and the king mole steps toward the tiny mole. He sniffs the air again and says...

"Son that's not sugar, its molasses!"

For what reason did the blonde get overjoyed when she succeeded in putting together the puzzle in 6 months?

Because the package said: "2 - 4 years".

:D

This one is pretty funny:

The Evolution of Mom

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes -

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

The Baby's Name -

1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.

2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.

3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

Preparing for the Birth -

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

The Layette -

1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries -

1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities -

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Going Out -

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home -

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

A train of moles were moving swiftly across the a barren desert. They have been traveling for hours, nose to tail. Each of them on a personal journey of love, redemption and some revenge. All of these moles are ready for any obstacle. They are moving so fast they seem to be gliding across the golden sand. Suddenly, the smalles mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train grinds to a halt, every mole stops at once. The largest mole, the king, the champion, the sexiest mole there is steps away from the train and looks back at the smaller one. He narrows his eyes and sniiffs the air several times. He smells nothing, so with one majestic wave of his hand the mole train is back on course. After several hours the same tiny mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again and king mole looks back, sniffs again but this time with greater concentration and focus. He smells nothing again, so the train goes on. After many hours of moving, the small mole again says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again, and the king mole steps toward the tiny mole. He sniffs the air again and says...

"Son that's not sugar, its molasses!"

Film-Guy

[QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

A train of moles were moving swiftly across the a barren desert. They have been traveling for hours, nose to tail. Each of them on a personal journey of love, redemption and some revenge. All of these moles are ready for any obstacle. They are moving so fast they seem to be gliding across the golden sand. Suddenly, the smalles mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train grinds to a halt, every mole stops at once. The largest mole, the king, the champion, the sexiest mole there is steps away from the train and looks back at the smaller one. He narrows his eyes and sniiffs the air several times. He smells nothing, so with one majestic wave of his hand the mole train is back on course. After several hours the same tiny mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again and king mole looks back, sniffs again but this time with greater concentration and focus. He smells nothing again, so the train goes on. After many hours of moving, the small mole again says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again, and the king mole steps toward the tiny mole. He sniffs the air again and says...

"Son that's not sugar, its molasses!"

LJS9502_basic

Here is another one.

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

WATAAAAA!

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"][QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

A train of moles were moving swiftly across the a barren desert. They have been traveling for hours, nose to tail. Each of them on a personal journey of love, redemption and some revenge. All of these moles are ready for any obstacle. They are moving so fast they seem to be gliding across the golden sand. Suddenly, the smalles mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train grinds to a halt, every mole stops at once. The largest mole, the king, the champion, the sexiest mole there is steps away from the train and looks back at the smaller one. He narrows his eyes and sniiffs the air several times. He smells nothing, so with one majestic wave of his hand the mole train is back on course. After several hours the same tiny mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again and king mole looks back, sniffs again but this time with greater concentration and focus. He smells nothing again, so the train goes on. After many hours of moving, the small mole again says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again, and the king mole steps toward the tiny mole. He sniffs the air again and says...

"Son that's not sugar, its molasses!"

Film-Guy

Here is another one.

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

WATAAAAA!

Here is one I got on a laffy taffy wrapper once

Why is an elephant large, rough, and grey?

Because if it was small, round, and smooth it would be Aspirin. :| :| :|

[QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"]That was indeed bad....:PLJS9502_basic

Here is another one.

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

WATAAAAA!

I have many more, such as these:D

What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies!

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Why did the horse win the nobel prize?

He was outstanding in his field!

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where is my damn tractor?

A blonde entered a store and went to the cashier. She said:

- Excuse me, I'm looking for some first-class curtains for my new computer! :D

The cashier, very confused, asks:

- Uh, why would you want curtains fora computer?! :|

To which the blonde replies:

- Well, I've changed from Mac to Windows! :)

:lol:

Propaganda_

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Where is my damn tractor?

Film-Guy

NOOO I was gonna do that one :x

Two drums and a symbol fell off a cliff.

........
Ba Dum CHH! :D

What do Gordon the Gopher and Thomas the Tank engine have in common?

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.

.

.

They have the same middle name!

That entire South Park episode that spoofed the movie "You Got Served"

[QUOTE="GrandJury"][QUOTE="megahaloman64"]

"Why do they call it ovaltine? The mug is round, the jar is round. They should call it roundtime"

jimmyjammer69

Seinfeld is probably the least funny character on the entire show. I find the rest of the cast to be absolutely hilarious.

If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?

If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?

westafford

What's brown and sticky?

.

.

.

.

A stick

If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?

westafford

That's not the one I remember. I remember it going like this:

If icicles came from ice...

What came from tests?