Jokes so bad their almost funny

How many guys does it take to open a beer

None, it should be opened when she brings it to you

why dont women wear watches?

Because the oven has a clock on it.

What did the black guy get for christmas?

My bicycle.

If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become kitty litter?

[QUOTE="LJS9502_basic"][QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

A train of moles were moving swiftly across the a barren desert. They have been traveling for hours, nose to tail. Each of them on a personal journey of love, redemption and some revenge. All of these moles are ready for any obstacle. They are moving so fast they seem to be gliding across the golden sand. Suddenly, the smalles mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train grinds to a halt, every mole stops at once. The largest mole, the king, the champion, the sexiest mole there is steps away from the train and looks back at the smaller one. He narrows his eyes and sniiffs the air several times. He smells nothing, so with one majestic wave of his hand the mole train is back on course. After several hours the same tiny mole at the back says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again and king mole looks back, sniffs again but this time with greater concentration and focus. He smells nothing again, so the train goes on. After many hours of moving, the small mole again says "Daddy, daddy I smell sugar!" The train stops again, and the king mole steps toward the tiny mole. He sniffs the air again and says...

"Son that's not sugar, its molasses!"

Film-Guy

Here is another one.

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?

WATAAAAA!

Wtf :lol:

Two drunks are at a bus stop. One drunk has a bag with something in it. The second drunk asks," What's in the bag?" The first drunk says,"I'm not tellin!"

The second one pleads and pleads till finally the first one says," Ok, ok, porcupines are in the bag."

The second one then asks," How many porcupines are in the bag?"

The first one says," Ok now that I am not tellin!"

The second one asks,"Well, if I guess how many porcupines are in the bag, will you give me one of them?"

To which the first one replies," If you guess how many are in the bag, I'll give you both of them!"

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."..

:|..

badum-tsh

[QUOTE="jimmyjammer69"][QUOTE="GrandJury"]Seinfeld lol.Arach666

It's from Jerry's comedy act (I'm assuming, as I haven't seen the episode). It's intentionally not funny.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?No-eye deer! (Like no idea :P)

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?Still no-eye deer!

lolok so cow#1 asks cow#2;"aren´t you afraid of mad cow disease" then cow#2 replies;"no cos im napoleon"lawl?

anyone? no?

k

Here are a few more classics!

What do people with two left feet wear in the summer?

Flip flips!

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Whats Orange and sounds like a parrot?

A Carrot!

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Whats blue and smells like paint?

Blue Paint!

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What should you do if you are attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler!

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What do tupperware and a walrus have in common?

They both like a tight seal!

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Whats red and bad for your teeth?

A Brick!

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Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a fire!

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Whats white and cant climb trees?

A Fridge!

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Whats white, wears white checkered pants, and cant climb trees?

Rupert the fridge!

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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh!

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Why did the baker smell?

Because he kneeded a poo!

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A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?"

"Well", said the vet, "Let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.

"Well," Says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" said the man.
"No, because he's really heavy," said the vet.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?No-eye deer! (Like no idea :P)

What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?Still no-eye deer!

jubino

Why did the chicken cross the street? It didn't, a car ran over it.

Hey dude what did a dog say to another dog? Nothing, you are just high.

I thoroughly enjoy the smell of my own farts, is it normal?

........

lolok so cow#1 asks cow#2;"aren´t you afraid of mad cow disease" then cow#2 replies;"no cos im napoleon"lawl?

anyone? no?

k

BiancaDK

ohoho a hehe and I thought my jokes were bad.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

-Sun_Tzu-

:lol:

What do you call an electrified cow? A badairy! (battery + dairy) A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. ...some of these are actually good though. I just couldn't not post them. :Pmindstorm

That last one is pure genius! Took me a while to get it though :P

:lol:

actually that makes these jokes good ....!

it's all about imagenation .....

when you imagen the jokes you've been told .....

you'd defnitly find them funny ..