No, not gay hairy lumberjacks you sick freaks. I mean these sorts of bears:
Seriously, what do you guys think of bears?
Personally, I think bears are freaking awesome. I hate animals, but bears rule! I'm not sure why exactly, but bears are just great.
Even the word. Say it with me. "BEAR!" Single syllable, gruff, and totally badass. Now say "tiger." Say "lion." Just not the same is it? Now say "bear" again. Feels good doesn't it? What an awesome word!
And bears deserve it. Look at that guy up there, just chilling out on a rock and just plain not giving a ****. Bears know how to chill, they know how to relax. Bears are cool customers.
Yet on the other hand.....
Mommy!
Bears know how to **** you up. Look at that guy. He means business. Just earlier, he's chilling on a rock, but now he's standing up on his hind legs, ready to deliver a beatdown. Bears know about conserving energy. They chill, out, but they also know how to get stuff DONE when it needs getting done.
The way bears attack is also great. Seriously, look at those teeth! Insane! Yet in particular, they paw you to death. That rules. Think about it, it's weirdly funny. Bear paws look so soft and inviting, and yet one swipe, and you're done, son! Bears are probably the only animal whose preferred method of attack is basically a "love tap." One quick pawing and you're ruined!
I guess bears are just so excellent because they are the ultimate paradox. They appear so soft, warm, furry, and inviting when they want to be, and yet they're also total monsters. They're nature's big, fat bearded bikers with a heart of gold.
Awwwwww
Oh ****!
As fierce as bears are though, one can't ignore their hibernation. That's awesome. Could you tell your boss "no Mr. Rick Johnson, I can't make it to work today...in fact I can't make it to work for the next 4 months. I'll be sleeping. Just chilling. I'll see you in the spring! The weather sucks anyway, so I've elected to stay in my crib and sleep through it." Bears can do that. Humans would call sleeping for several months "depression." But bears don't get depressed, they just rule.
Look at that bear, he knows the score. He eats whatever he wants, gorging himself for months and months, and then he passes out. Bears know how to party.
He sleeps through the crappiest weather of the year and wakes up when everyone's ready to bust out the Bermuda shorts. Though bears cannot wear Bermudas, I am confident that if they could, they would. Except, bears will never wear flip-flops.
Let's talk about some physical stats of bears. Just as bears are living paradoxes in their ferocity vs their cuddliness, so too are they paradoxes with regards to their assets. They are nature's leviathans and are truly gods on Earth.
The average Grizzly bear weighs a titanic 1000-1200 pounds (wow!) and when standing vertically, is a monolithic 10 and a half feet tall (Jebus!). That's another thing...bears are comfortable walking on two legs or on four. Can you do that? I don't think so.
Here's the thing though, despite being nature Goliaths, they are capable of RUNNING UP TO 40 MILES PER HOUR! Oh my God! Can you imagine what would happen if 1200 pounds of furred awesome slammed into you weak, pale, pathetic body at 40mph? I can't, BECAUSE I WOULD BE DEAD!
That said, I think it is VERY POSSIBLE that were this to happen, I might find myself suddenly being served tea and crumpets in merry olde England on June 27th, 1864. Bears could become tools that allow time travel. This demands further investigation.
Here's another quick fact about bears. Many times when naturalists want to depopulate an area of forest, they just drop in a couple bears and wait. Seriously. And it works EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's like using a bear bomb. Bears = WMDs. They operate like commandos, but instead of Arnold, you get bears. That rules. How can you be surprised? The only animals that the bears don't slay outright, are those who got the hell out of dodge the moment they heard that bears were in town. Can you blame them? I'd do the same thing. If someone told me there was a bear in my home, I'd jump out my window as fast as possible, and I live on the sixth floor of an apartment complex! When you are on bear territory you only have two options: die, or run.
^^Bears fighting, knowing that the only way to defeat one bear is through the awesomeness of another bear.
Speaking of which, I'm sick and tired of campers worrying and complaining about bears. What do you expect you fools? You're in bear country! You're in the bear's castle! The woods = bear 'hood. If you're on their turf, the bears have full rights to kill you, destroy your stuff, help themselves to your food, and raise your children. It's not hard to understand: if you are in bear country, YOU ARE OWNED BY BEARS. There is nothing to complain about here.
^^ This man died 4 seconds after this picture was taken. He deserved it for such presumption. His last words were "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH."
In closing, I would like to briefly discuss the military potential of bears. This may be frightening for some. I believe that I have empirically PROVEN that the first country to weaponize the use of bear riders would be the world's next great superpower and would be for years to come. Now some naive people may attempt to point out that bears can and have been killed before by conventional firearms (though I do contest this: I believe the bears faked their own deaths, like Tupac), but this is foolish. When the enemy is confronted by a majestic squad of bear riders charging in at them, they will be so overcome by awesomeness that they won't be able to get a shot off. This is BASIC military strategy.
^^the future of modern warfare?1 out 1 expert says "yes."
Scary no? That said, the bear is aware of how unnatural this is. He knows he's the superior species. Bears >>>humanity. He knows the way it should be, and if you look deep into his eyes, I believe you'll see what he's imagining.
Godspeed, Mr. Bear......Godspeed.
this bear is smarter then the advrage bear
Je suis un BEAR! *growl* 
Bet you like Poo Bear :P
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