Need help with a story.

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Film-Guy

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#1 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

I am writing a vampire story that I am trying to make as interesting as possible. I'm sure that most of the good ideas have been done already, but that doesnt stop me from writing it anyway:P

The basic story is about a man who runs a boarding school in England who takes care of several kids that are vampires. Their ages range from 10-18 and some that are even older. He starts out just being a caretaker for them while observing the vampire part of them and what it does. One day he finds out that he has a deadly disease that many people in England are starting to catch and he has a very short time left to live. He stops being a caretaker for the kids and instead starts experiment on them when he notices that they never age. He wants to try and cure his disease by infecting himself with the vampire one, but he also wants to not have the blood craving that they get. When a grounds keeper at the boarding school finds out about the experiments and how cruel they can be, he and 2 kids from the school rescue a few of the kids to take them to a place to get their vampire problem cured. The boarding school owner, who we will just call Issac for now, goes after them and to test the man taking the kids to be cured he infects some students from the school and sends them after them.

The story will mostly focus on the relationship between the kids as they have to rely on each other and how they have to get their own blood somehow to stay alive, and Nathan's ever increasing Desperation to save the kids from harm. Nathan is desperate to help the kids because he lost his whole family in a accident, so seeing them come to harm pretty much destorys him. There are some important parts of the story below that I want you guys to look at and to tell me whether they sound like good ideas or not.

1. Instead of being like normal vampires, these vampires only get their teeth during the day and they become invisible to the naked eye in sunlight Also at night they have no fangs, either that or during the day. Does that sound interesting, or should I not mess with the sunlight thing too much. If not, how would you change the sunlight and night thing to make the story interesting?

2. The vampires have no special abilities or extra jump ability or strength. Is that good or should they have some kind of ability?

3. Most of the characters are young kids and teens, but not in a crappy twilight way.

4. Something really tramatic happens to one of the main characters, a young girl who is about 12, maybe 13 at max. Since Nathan hates to see bad things happen to the kids and one of the kids has a crush on the young girl, I was thinking that she should get badly injured and raped near the end. This drives Nathan to make a very quick decision based soley on revenge. Is rape a bit much, if so what would you have happen to her? Also, since Issac controls alot of the vampires, he is appaled when they rape the girl and he goes to nathan to apolgize. Nathan though is pretty much crazy with rage and he wants to kill him, problem is if he kills Issac he risks losing control of the vampires and if he keeps him alive he risks the others he takes care of being hurt more. So either way he is morally screwed.

5. The story is going to be a dark comedy/drama.

What do you think?

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Film-Guy

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#2 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
One part I left out, is that there is a point in the story when Issac tells people that they can never age or die if they drink the blood of the vampire kids that Nathan takes care of. Since many people are desperate and very diseased, many of them join in to hunt the kids. Many may find kids being hurt in the way I am going to write about disturbing, so if you do go ahead and say how I could do it better:P THe story isnt so much about the vampires, but it is more about the desperation of Nathan to save them, and how people will do anything to look young and live even if it involved them doing messed up things.
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#3 MrLions
Member since 2007 • 9833 Posts
You should give them some sort of super strength. Not to much but where they can beat the crap out of a human being. And whos raping the girl? The other vampires or just random people?
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alexh_99

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#4 alexh_99
Member since 2007 • 5378 Posts

I am writing a vampire story that I am trying to make as interesting as possible. I'm sure that most of the good ideas have been done already, but that doesnt stop me from writing it anyway:P

The basic story is about a man who runs a boarding school in England who takes care of several kids that are vampires. Their ages range from 10-18 and some that are even older. He starts out just being a caretaker for them while observing the vampire part of them and what it does. One day he finds out that he has a deadly disease that many people in England are starting to catch and he has a very short time left to live. He stops being a caretaker for the kids and instead starts experiment on them when he notices that they never age. He wants to try and cure his disease by infecting himself with the vampire one, but he also wants to not have the blood craving that they get. When a grounds keeper at the boarding school finds out about the experiments and how cruel they can be, he and 2 kids from the school rescue a few of the kids to take them to a place to get their vampire problem cured. The boarding school owner, who we will just call Issac for now, goes after them and to test the man taking the kids to be cured he infects some students from the school and sends them after them.

The story will mostly focus on the relationship between the kids as they have to rely on each other and how they have to get their own blood somehow to stay alive, and Nathan's ever increasing Desperation to save the kids from harm. Nathan is desperate to help the kids because he lost his whole family in a accident, so seeing them come to harm pretty much destorys him. There are some important parts of the story below that I want you guys to look at and to tell me whether they sound like good ideas or not.

1. Instead of being like normal vampires, these vampires only get their teeth during the day and they become invisible to the naked eye in sunlight Also at night they have no fangs, either that or during the day. Does that sound interesting, or should I not mess with the sunlight thing too much. If not, how would you change the sunlight and night thing to make the story interesting?

2. The vampires have no special abilities or extra jump ability or strength. Is that good or should they have some kind of ability?

3. Most of the characters are young kids and teens, but not in a crappy twilight way.

4. Something really tramatic happens to one of the main characters, a young girl who is about 12, maybe 13 at max. Since Nathan hates to see bad things happen to the kids and one of the kids has a crush on the young girl, I was thinking that she should get badly injured and raped near the end. This drives Nathan to make a very quick decision based soley on revenge. Is rape a bit much, if so what would you have happen to her? Also, since Issac controls alot of the vampires, he is appaled when they rape the girl and he goes to nathan to apolgize. Nathan though is pretty much crazy with rage and he wants to kill him, problem is if he kills Issac he risks losing control of the vampires and if he keeps him alive he risks the others he takes care of being hurt more. So either way he is morally screwed.

5. The story is going to be a dark comedy/drama.

What do you think?

Film-Guy

good story so far.

1.) i say keep some of the sunlight stuff, but dont get to complicated about the teeth thing

2.) they should have some special ability. this will allow them to escape from issac.

3.) Kids/teens is good

4.) i think something should happen to the girl (not rape) maybe she is about to get killed by something, but instead nathan dies for her.

5.)Ok

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freek666

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#5 freek666
Member since 2007 • 22312 Posts
I honestly am just interested in how you go about writing the rape.
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#6 MrLions
Member since 2007 • 9833 Posts
I honestly am just interested in how you go about writing the rape.freek666
:lol:
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#7 freek666
Member since 2007 • 22312 Posts
[QUOTE="freek666"]I honestly am just interested in how you go about writing the rape.MrLions
:lol:

Funnily enough in another thread I was helping him out by giving him examples on how to express the idea that she was raped without really saying right out "a bunch of guys raped her brutally" and going into any other nasty details.
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#8 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

[QUOTE="MrLions"][QUOTE="freek666"]I honestly am just interested in how you go about writing the rape.freek666
:lol:

Funnily enough in another thread I was helping him out by giving him examples on how to express the idea that she was raped without really saying right out "a bunch of guys raped her brutally" and going into any other nasty details.

I think I have that rape part figured out if I was going to write it. I suggest that it will happen by having one of the vampires do something that suggests the start of it, like tearing some clothing or touching in a weird way. The after effects are what make the scene effective.

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#9 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

You should give them some sort of super strength. Not to much but where they can beat the crap out of a human being. And whos raping the girl? The other vampires or just random people?MrLions

Vampires that Issac sends, but he doesnt think they will go as far as to rape her. I think there should be a limit on stength, making them weaker or more human makes them more vulnerable and more interesting to write. Giving them an ability of some sort would be fun, but it would be too easy for a fight scne between a kdi and an adult to seem silly. For anyone here who saw let the right one in, remember the way Eli attacked people was more brutal and animalistic. Something like that would be good I think.

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#10 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
[QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

I am writing a vampire story that I am trying to make as interesting as possible. I'm sure that most of the good ideas have been done already, but that doesnt stop me from writing it anyway:P

The basic story is about a man who runs a boarding school in England who takes care of several kids that are vampires. Their ages range from 10-18 and some that are even older. He starts out just being a caretaker for them while observing the vampire part of them and what it does. One day he finds out that he has a deadly disease that many people in England are starting to catch and he has a very short time left to live. He stops being a caretaker for the kids and instead starts experiment on them when he notices that they never age. He wants to try and cure his disease by infecting himself with the vampire one, but he also wants to not have the blood craving that they get. When a grounds keeper at the boarding school finds out about the experiments and how cruel they can be, he and 2 kids from the school rescue a few of the kids to take them to a place to get their vampire problem cured. The boarding school owner, who we will just call Issac for now, goes after them and to test the man taking the kids to be cured he infects some students from the school and sends them after them.

The story will mostly focus on the relationship between the kids as they have to rely on each other and how they have to get their own blood somehow to stay alive, and Nathan's ever increasing Desperation to save the kids from harm. Nathan is desperate to help the kids because he lost his whole family in a accident, so seeing them come to harm pretty much destorys him. There are some important parts of the story below that I want you guys to look at and to tell me whether they sound like good ideas or not.

1. Instead of being like normal vampires, these vampires only get their teeth during the day and they become invisible to the naked eye in sunlight Also at night they have no fangs, either that or during the day. Does that sound interesting, or should I not mess with the sunlight thing too much. If not, how would you change the sunlight and night thing to make the story interesting?

2. The vampires have no special abilities or extra jump ability or strength. Is that good or should they have some kind of ability?

3. Most of the characters are young kids and teens, but not in a crappy twilight way.

4. Something really tramatic happens to one of the main characters, a young girl who is about 12, maybe 13 at max. Since Nathan hates to see bad things happen to the kids and one of the kids has a crush on the young girl, I was thinking that she should get badly injured and raped near the end. This drives Nathan to make a very quick decision based soley on revenge. Is rape a bit much, if so what would you have happen to her? Also, since Issac controls alot of the vampires, he is appaled when they rape the girl and he goes to nathan to apolgize. Nathan though is pretty much crazy with rage and he wants to kill him, problem is if he kills Issac he risks losing control of the vampires and if he keeps him alive he risks the others he takes care of being hurt more. So either way he is morally screwed.

5. The story is going to be a dark comedy/drama.

What do you think?

alexh_99

good story so far.

1.) i say keep some of the sunlight stuff, but dont get to complicated about the teeth thing

2.) they should have some special ability. this will allow them to escape from issac.

3.) Kids/teens is good

4.) i think something should happen to the girl (not rape) maybe she is about to get killed by something, but instead nathan dies for her.

5.)Ok

The problem with having Nathan die for her is that what happens to her has to drive Nathan to do make a quick decision based mostly on rage and revenge. How would you do the sunlight thing? Is them being less visible in light good or too similar to that crappy sparking twilight story vampires? Sunlight wouldnt really be a threat to them, neither would night. I dont want to make it too complex, but I do want to write something that might set the story apart and make it partially unique.

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aliblabla2007

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#11 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts

Kid vampires? Hmm, I'd think they should be made stronger and faster than your typical kid, but not to the extreme where they can whip large groups of armed humans or crazy stuff like that.

I myself am an inexperienced writer... I recently joined a union and started off some stuff about uber-babass space vampires, and a lot of it was inspired by another vampire universe.

Also, I'm pretty sure vampires, being clinically dead, must have some trouble getting aroused... though, if the "vampires" in this story are just a bunch of immortal bloodsuckers who aren't actually dead by medical definition, then that's not much of an issue.

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CleanPlayer

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#12 CleanPlayer
Member since 2008 • 9822 Posts
Make everything the opposite of Twighlight. That movie was vampires with estrogen.
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aliblabla2007

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#13 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts

The problem with having Nathan die for her is that what happens to her has to drive Nathan to do make a quick decision based mostly on rage and revenge. How would you do the sunlight thing? Is them being less visible in light good or too similar to that crappy sparking twilight story vampires? Sunlight wouldnt really be a threat to them, neither would night. I dont want to make it too complex, but I do want to write something that might set the story apart and make it partially unique.

Film-Guy

I'd say that if you really don't want them to spontaneously combust under sunlight but you don't want something like those sissies from Twilight, then I think that you might as well remove the "Sunlight effect" entirely, or just simply make it so that they're only capable of using their powers at night. Or that their enhancements weaken in daylight. Anything goes.

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#14 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
[QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

The problem with having Nathan die for her is that what happens to her has to drive Nathan to do make a quick decision based mostly on rage and revenge. How would you do the sunlight thing? Is them being less visible in light good or too similar to that crappy sparking twilight story vampires? Sunlight wouldnt really be a threat to them, neither would night. I dont want to make it too complex, but I do want to write something that might set the story apart and make it partially unique.

aliblabla2007

I'd say that if you really don't want them to spontaneously combust under sunlight but you don't want something as stupid as Twilight, then I think that you might as well remove the "Sunlight effect" entirely, or just simply make it so that they're only capable of using their powers at night.

What kinda powers would you give them if any?

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#15 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
I'm sure some of you have noticed that I have only started being interested in writing a vampire story that includes kid vampires after and during my obsession with Let the right one in:P
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#16 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts
[QUOTE="aliblabla2007"][QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

The problem with having Nathan die for her is that what happens to her has to drive Nathan to do make a quick decision based mostly on rage and revenge. How would you do the sunlight thing? Is them being less visible in light good or too similar to that crappy sparking twilight story vampires? Sunlight wouldnt really be a threat to them, neither would night. I dont want to make it too complex, but I do want to write something that might set the story apart and make it partially unique.

Film-Guy

I'd say that if you really don't want them to spontaneously combust under sunlight but you don't want something as stupid as Twilight, then I think that you might as well remove the "Sunlight effect" entirely, or just simply make it so that they're only capable of using their powers at night.

What kinda powers would you give them if any?

Generally, having no powers at all does make them seem more human. By "powers" I meant anything from actual active abilities to their basic physical enhancements. You could make it that their vampirism is far less apparent in the day, but at night it becomes very obvious.

Of course, something that helps them get their much-needed body fluids would something like a having increased persuasion or sneaking abilities. Another idea I got from Vampire: The Masquerade is that they need blood to perform any of these abilities, so they limit their usage.

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alexh_99

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#17 alexh_99
Member since 2007 • 5378 Posts
[QUOTE="Film-Guy"][QUOTE="aliblabla2007"]

I'd say that if you really don't want them to spontaneously combust under sunlight but you don't want something as stupid as Twilight, then I think that you might as well remove the "Sunlight effect" entirely, or just simply make it so that they're only capable of using their powers at night.

aliblabla2007

What kinda powers would you give them if any?

Generally, having no powers at all does make them seem more human. By "powers" I meant anything from actual active abilities to their basic physical enhancements. You could make it that their vampirism is far less apparent in the day, but at night it becomes very obvious.

make them be able to turn into bats :P anyway. i think they should be able to run faster, jump higher, be a bit stronger than your average kid.
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#18 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

Generally, having no powers at all does make them seem more human. By "powers" I meant anything from actual active abilities to their basic physical enhancements. You could make it that their vampirism is far less apparent in the day, but at night it becomes very obvious.

Of course, something that helps them get their much-needed body fluids would something like a having increased persuasion or sneaking abilities. Another idea I got from Vampire: The Masquerade is that they need blood to perform any of these abilities, so they limit their usage.

I dont want their abilities to be too over the top, but making them completely defenseless might be a bit cruel. Maybe some kind of claws or something. Your idea of having blood power their abilities is good, I just dont want to make it too complex you know?

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#19 XilePrincess
Member since 2008 • 13130 Posts
Request for post after story begins to be written.
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#20 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

Generally, having no powers at all does make them seem more human. By "powers" I meant anything from actual active abilities to their basic physical enhancements. You could make it that their vampirism is far less apparent in the day, but at night it becomes very obvious.

make them be able to turn into bats :P anyway. i think they should be able to run faster, jump higher, be a bit stronger than your average kid.

The average kid with fangs would be interesting to write and would make them more desperate at times and may make them rely on others to get them blood, but I can see the creative writing advantage of giving them some abilities. Also, maybe the young kids dont have fangs yet, or maybe their abilities come if they are bitten at a certain age. Puberty playing a part would also probably screw over the younger kids though.

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#21 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

Request for post after story begins to be written.XilePrincess

I have already started the story, but I havent gone too far into it yet. I am just figuring out the vampires limits and abilities so i can write more.

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#22 alexh_99
Member since 2007 • 5378 Posts

Generally, having no powers at all does make them seem more human. By "powers" I meant anything from actual active abilities to their basic physical enhancements. You could make it that their vampirism is far less apparent in the day, but at night it becomes very obvious.

Film-Guy

make them be able to turn into bats :P anyway. i think they should be able to run faster, jump higher, be a bit stronger than your average kid.

The average kid with fangs would be interesting to write and would make them more desperate at times and may make them rely on others to get them blood, but I can see the creative writing advantage of giving them some abilities. Also, maybe the young kids dont have fangs yet, or maybe their abilities come if they are bitten at a certain age. Puberty playing a part would also probably screw over the younger kids though.

thats actually a good idea. they dont get their fangs until their "of age" (whatever that may be) and they also dont get their super powers until then as well. also you could make each vampire have a different super power. like one that can run really fast, one that is able to see into future.
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#23 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts

I dont want their abilities to be too over the top, but making them completely defenseless might be a bit cruel. Maybe some kind of claws or something. Your idea of having blood power their abilities is good, I just dont want to make it too complex you know?

Film-Guy

Claws sounds good, animal morphing could work too.

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#24 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

I dont want their abilities to be too over the top, but making them completely defenseless might be a bit cruel. Maybe some kind of claws or something. Your idea of having blood power their abilities is good, I just dont want to make it too complex you know?

Claws sounds good, animal morphing could work too.

Animal morphing seems a bit much, but I did have an idea for a part in the story where tons of animals get turned into vampirs. At first it is creepy like rats, then it is more funny and slilly like vampire hamsters and snails.

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#25 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts
BTW, with the framework drawn so far, you've got a very convenient method for creating a "helpless vampire" situation... just set it in daytime or use a plot device to drain them of their valuable blood-mana.
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#26 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

The average kid with fangs would be interesting to write and would make them more desperate at times and may make them rely on others to get them blood, but I can see the creative writing advantage of giving them some abilities. Also, maybe the young kids dont have fangs yet, or maybe their abilities come if they are bitten at a certain age. Puberty playing a part would also probably screw over the younger kids though.

thats actually a good idea. they dont get their fangs until their "of age" (whatever that may be) and they also dont get their super powers until then as well. also you could make each vampire have a different super power. like one that can run really fast, one that is able to see into future.

Problem there is that vampirs dont age in my story, so how can they come of age? Would it be after a certain amount of years as a vampire or would it be for the lucky ones who were bitten during puberty or after?

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#27 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

BTW, with the framework drawn so far, you've got a very convenient method for creating a "helpless vampire" situation... just set it in daytime or use a plot device to drain them of their valuable blood-mana.aliblabla2007

I plan on using that in the story to really screw with some of the characters. This is not going to be a very happy story overall:P

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#28 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts

Animal morphing seems a bit much, but I did have an idea for a part in the story where tons of animals get turned into vampirs. At first it is creepy like rats, then it is more funny and slilly like vampire hamsters and snails.

Film-Guy

That's funny, "vampiric animals" already appeared in my own story. Although, in my story it's a very bad idea to turn an animal, especially if it's one of the big strong ones.

I don't see how you're going to turn a rat, though... given the size, there's a good chance that they die the moment you sink your teeth in. :?

Problem there is that vampirs dont age in my story, so how can they come of age? Would it be after a certain amount of years as a vampire or would it be for the lucky ones who were bitten during puberty or after?

Film-Guy

I had this idea that the vampiric condition of new vampires would "unravel" or "increase' as their "life" as undead got longer.

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#29 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
I had an odd idea for the story, I was thinking that some of the kids from the boarding school who dont want to be vampires are forced into it by being put into a strange mechainical device that looks a bit like a mix between the gears of a clock, and the machine that ripley uses at the end of Aliens to kill the alien queen. The kids would be normal vampires, but the suit would have needles to get blood faster, and maybe sharp claws. Nothing like a mech or anything, but something really creepy. Also, when the kids hesitate to do something Issac wants, they get shocked or something. Also they have special devices that look like empty clear globes that suck blood from the kids to make their want for blood more primal and desperate. Weird isnt it?
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#30 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
[QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

Animal morphing seems a bit much, but I did have an idea for a part in the story where tons of animals get turned into vampirs. At first it is creepy like rats, then it is more funny and slilly like vampire hamsters and snails.

aliblabla2007

That's funny, "vampiric animals" already appeared in my own story. Although, in my story it's a very bad idea to turn an animal, especially if it's one of the big strong ones.

I don't see how you're going to turn a rat, though... given the size, there's a good chance that they die the moment you sink your teeth in. :?

Problem there is that vampirs dont age in my story, so how can they come of age? Would it be after a certain amount of years as a vampire or would it be for the lucky ones who were bitten during puberty or after?

Film-Guy

I had this idea that the vampiric condition of new vampires would "unravel" or "increase' as their "life" as undead got longer.

i like the increasing vampire idea. Maybe their blood urge gets worse and worse to the point where blood is never enough.

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aliblabla2007

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#31 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts

Sounds like a good idea to add to Isaac's menacing ways.

One of the things I like about vampires is that they're civilized predators - the less blood they have, the more that wild nature takes control over them.

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optiow

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#32 optiow
Member since 2008 • 28284 Posts

Hey man, if your a writer, you should join the writers lounge.

And vampires are some of my most favorite bad guys, for they are always well dressed, not like zombies!

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aliblabla2007

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#33 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts

i like the increasing vampire idea. Maybe their blood urge gets worse and worse to the point where blood is never enough.

Film-Guy

It does make them seem more menacing.... but on the other hand, it kind of screws around with the idea of an immortal life. Seeing as it turns a vampire into a rabid animal after awhile, and both the vampires and the humans would try to kill it.

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#34 optiow
Member since 2008 • 28284 Posts
[QUOTE="Film-Guy"]

i like the increasing vampire idea. Maybe their blood urge gets worse and worse to the point where blood is never enough.

aliblabla2007

It does make them seem more menacing.... but on the other hand, it kind of screws around with the idea of an immortal life. Seeing as it turns a vampire into a rabid animal after awhile, and both the vampires and the humans would try to kill it.

Yeah Ali is right, it would screw around with the immortalness and sort of make the vampires more like warewolfs, eg. they would become more savage and they would lose their style.

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#35 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

Sounds like a good idea to add to Isaac's menacing ways.

One of the things I like about vampires is that they're civilized predators - the less blood they have, the more that wild nature takes control over them.

aliblabla2007

Im thinking that maybe a main character either gets so much blood he or she becomes obsessed for it, or they get a lack of blood and go berserk and try to kill the other main characters.

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aliblabla2007

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#36 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts
[QUOTE="aliblabla2007"]

Sounds like a good idea to add to Isaac's menacing ways.

One of the things I like about vampires is that they're civilized predators - the less blood they have, the more that wild nature takes control over them.

Film-Guy

Im thinking that maybe a main character either gets so much blood he or she becomes obsessed for it, or they get a lack of blood and go berserk and try to kill the other main characters.

I like the second prospect better. I'm pretty sure your typical human becomes obsessed with something he/she likes but can rarely get.... not something he/she gets all the time.

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#37 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
[QUOTE="Film-Guy"][QUOTE="aliblabla2007"]

Sounds like a good idea to add to Isaac's menacing ways.

One of the things I like about vampires is that they're civilized predators - the less blood they have, the more that wild nature takes control over them.

aliblabla2007

Im thinking that maybe a main character either gets so much blood he or she becomes obsessed for it, or they get a lack of blood and go berserk and try to kill the other main characters.

I like the second prospect better. I'm pretty sure your typical human becomes obsessed with something he/she likes but can rarely get.... not something he/she gets all the time.

Good point, makes the characters situation more desperate and dire when they are being hunted by more people or have less blood access.

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Film-Guy

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#38 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
Also, since this story is all about moral choices, I dont want the main villian Issac to be just a sinister villian with a plot. He has his own set of odd morals. He doesnt just want to live himself, he wants to harness the vampires ability to never age so he can help others and maybe cure disease. The way he goes about doing this however is what makes him desperate, he will do anything to stay the same age and to live. His morals are as stange as going to Nathan to apolgize that the other vampires raped the girl, his logic in apoligizing is that he just wanted them to severly injure her not to rape her, even though he has and is willing to do countless acts of violence to get his own way. The idea of him loosing control on his vampires terrifies him and makes him feel powerless.
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#39 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
If anyone is interested, I could post some parts of the story in my blog when they are written, or I could send it to someone via private message or something. You guys have really helped me expand the vampires and how they act in my story. There is stlll much to be done though:)
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freek666

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#40 freek666
Member since 2007 • 22312 Posts
If anyone is interested, I could post some parts of the story in my blog when they are written, or I could send it to someone via private message or something. You guys have really helped me expand the vampires and how they act in my story. There is stlll much to be done though:)Film-Guy
Send to me through PM. Try getting an account on Google if you dont have one already and use the spreadsheet thing or whatever, they can cause the hassle of sending entire things through pm.
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#41 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

[QUOTE="Film-Guy"]If anyone is interested, I could post some parts of the story in my blog when they are written, or I could send it to someone via private message or something. You guys have really helped me expand the vampires and how they act in my story. There is stlll much to be done though:)freek666
Send to me through PM. Try getting an account on Google if you dont have one already and use the spreadsheet thing or whatever, they can cause the hassle of sending entire things through pm.

Will do, I wont send too much though since I dont know how much I can send via PM.

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#42 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
I would appreciate any other ideas of opinions you guys have that would help me develop my story. im not gonna just rely on you guys for the whole story, there will be plenty of surprises dont worry:P
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aliblabla2007

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#43 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts

I hope there aren't any "surprises" like the rape victim getting pregnant. Vampires are supposed to be medically dead, if they get a baby you know something's up with them.

I'm interested. I'd like to read this story off the bat without any prior knowledge of what parts there are in it, but if you think I can help then go ahead and PM me.

Also, where are you going to post it? OT?

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69ANT69

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#44 69ANT69
Member since 2007 • 8472 Posts
That sounds pretty cool as it is, I don't really read, but if I did, that does sound interesting.
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#45 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

I hope there aren't any "surprises" like the rape victim getting pregnant. Vampires are supposed to be medically dead, if they get a baby you know something's up with them.

I'm interested. I'd like to read this story off the bat without any prior knowledge of what parts there are in it, but if you think I can help then go ahead and PM me.

Also, where are you going to post it? OT?

aliblabla2007

I might blog it or post in in OT, see how it goes. No vampires are getting pregant in my story, especially young ones so dont worry about that. I wouldnt go that far.

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freek666

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#46 freek666
Member since 2007 • 22312 Posts
[QUOTE="aliblabla2007"]

I hope there aren't any "surprises" like the rape victim getting pregnant. Vampires are supposed to be medically dead, if they get a baby you know something's up with them.

I'm interested. I'd like to read this story off the bat without any prior knowledge of what parts there are in it, but if you think I can help then go ahead and PM me.

Also, where are you going to post it? OT?

Film-Guy

I might blog it or post in in OT, see how it goes. No vampires are getting pregant in my story, especially young ones so dont worry about that. I wouldnt go that far.

Besides, shes what, 11 or 8? I dont think its even possible that young.

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#47 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts
[QUOTE="Film-Guy"][QUOTE="aliblabla2007"]

I hope there aren't any "surprises" like the rape victim getting pregnant. Vampires are supposed to be medically dead, if they get a baby you know something's up with them.

I'm interested. I'd like to read this story off the bat without any prior knowledge of what parts there are in it, but if you think I can help then go ahead and PM me.

Also, where are you going to post it? OT?

freek666

I might blog it or post in in OT, see how it goes. No vampires are getting pregant in my story, especially young ones so dont worry about that. I wouldnt go that far.

Besides, shes what, 11 or 8? I dont think its even possible that young.

Well tecnically it could happen and has before, She is somewhere between 10 and 13, I havent decided on an age yet. I have the abilities pretty much decided, They have a bit of extra stength but not much and some extra speed. Thats pretty much it though, the range of abilities ranges depending on how long a person has been a vampire for and how old they were when they were turned. If they were turned after puberty like maybe around the age of 13 and older they have the speed and strength thing already, but if they were turned when they were younger they they get it gradualy over time but they start with normal human strength. They can also withstand alot more physical damage than normal people, which factor into the rape scene later in several unpleasent ways.

Another part of the vampires I am going to use thanks to someone here is that the vampires have to be careful with the blood they drink, if they have too little then they get thirsty to the point of being in a primal rage and loosing control, meaning they will pretty much bite anything. The only thing I have to figure out now is the sunlight and night thing and what it does to them, anyone have some ideas for that and some opinions on the special abilities and such I chose? I really appreciate the help:)

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DarkPrinceXC

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#48 DarkPrinceXC
Member since 2003 • 5921 Posts
I kind of want to steal your story outline and write my own book off of it.....and profit. :oops:
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aliblabla2007

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#49 aliblabla2007
Member since 2007 • 16756 Posts
Another interesting idea I've found in V:TM was the idea that a vampire should aim for "quality blood", i.e. the healthy, stronger, upper class humans provide vampires with much better nutrition than your everyday street bum.
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#50 Film-Guy
Member since 2007 • 26778 Posts

Another interesting idea I've found in V:TM was the idea that a vampire should aim for "quality blood", i.e. the healthy, stronger, upper class humans provide vampires with much better nutrition than your everyday street bum.aliblabla2007

That could be interesting, but it seems a bit silly in a way. I can understand if stronger and more healthy people have better blood, but what class they are shouldnt make a difference. The book Let the right one in had a really well done scene where the vampire girl Eli drank the blood of someone at a hospital who had alot of morphine in their blood, because of all the drugs in the blood it made Eli really dizzy and tired and she passed out. Something like that would be more effective I think, maybe one of the characters makes the mistake of drinking blood from a someone who has alot of drugs in their system, like heroin or some other kind of drug. Because of that maybe they get really high and either something bad happens to them, or I can use the scene to get some more comedic moments.

Another idea I had which I may have mentioned before in another thread is the human characters who are protecting the vampire kids want to find out more about them and what the vampire thing does to them and how if affects them. So they get a bunch of vampire movies and books to research what vampires they are most like. For example, one scene I want to write though I dont know about the legallity of mentioning other specific movies and books, I really dont wanna get sued. Anyway, the scene is some of the main characters decide to see a movie since nothing is going on. One of them suggests they see Let the right one in, and when they do the little vampire girl, who I will just call Lina for now, and the young human kid who helped Nathan rescue the kids, who I will call David for now, sees the scenes showing the two main characters relationship in the movie and that inspires David to get to know Lina more. There is never any romance between them really, but the scene would be ironic in how it sets up those two characters relationship. I kinda like the idea of the characters seeing a movie and getting idea from it, since I got ideas from that movie in real life and since the characters are just kids it would show that even know she is a vampire she is still just a kid and is very impressionable. Again though i dont want to get sued, that whole scene is just an homage and a tribute to Let the right one in since I probably wouldnt have written this story idea down if it wasnt for that film.