Problem: shyness

Eh, I have just learned to live with shyness/social awkwardness...

But mostly because I am in a wheelchair and have been socially ostracized since I was 10 (20 now)... I have tried the things people suggested here only to have the people I say hi to or make small talk with walk off with their friends giggling "ha did you see that retard in the wheelchair"...

So being excluded from everyone and everything has more or less destroyed my communication skills to the point where I have extreme social anxiety and dread talking to anyone out of fear of humiliation...

Yep.

Eh, I have just learned to live with shyness/social awkwardness...

But mostly because I am in a wheelchair and have been socially ostracized since I was 10 (20 now)... I have tried the things people suggested here only to have the people I say hi to or make small talk with walk off with their friends giggling "ha did you see that retard in the wheelchair"...

So being excluded from everyone and everything has more or less destroyed my communication skills to the point where I have extreme social anxiety and dread talking to anyone out of fear of humiliation...

Yep.

Buttons1990

you aint alone on this buddy, ive got a noticeable affliction that most people will say otherwise just to give me that extra boost of confidence, which is fine with me if it makes them feel better about it, but the bad experiences with people are always gonna outweigh the good because it comes with the territory, and because of that were the first ones to find out the hard way what human nature is really all about. ill treat people the way someone like me would want to be treated but im not gonna go out of my way to say more than 3 words to you just to get my point across.

generally imo, people=s***

hey buddy, 99.9% of people have some sort of phase similar to this. completely normal and an essential part of growing up. i really REALLY recommend a book called Instant Confidence by Paul McKenna. i cannot stress enough what an enormous help it has been for me. there's no excercises like talk to 10 strangers a day (imo that's pretty useless), and it's also a really interesting read, though a lot of it is common sense. it has seriously helped me a lot, i had much the same problem. it's full of very simple, basic (and thus, extremely effective) techniques to raise your morale, motivation and confidence, and it explains to some extent the mentality behind these.

Eh, I have just learned to live with shyness/social awkwardness...

But mostly because I am in a wheelchair and have been socially ostracized since I was 10 (20 now)... I have tried the things people suggested here only to have the people I say hi to or make small talk with walk off with their friends giggling "ha did you see that retard in the wheelchair"...

So being excluded from everyone and everything has more or less destroyed my communication skills to the point where I have extreme social anxiety and dread talking to anyone out of fear of humiliation...

Yep.

Buttons1990

I'm a very shy guy, and I'm lonely since no girls like a shy guy. A guy suggests me to say hello to 10 strangers I see everyday, I tried that but it didn't work. You have any techniques/tips to overcome shyness ?

A friend of mine once said to me that he's also shy sometimes. But I think his shyness is not as serious. I feel especially nervous when I'm at registers at supermarkets/fast food restaurants. I still emember a cashier laughed at me and said that I'm anxious.

Zensword

I had a similiar problem, if its the same thing it involves confrontation and your fear of it. Get counciling if you can you may be glad you did.

[QUOTE="Buttons1990"]

Eh, I have just learned to live with shyness/social awkwardness...

But mostly because I am in a wheelchair and have been socially ostracized since I was 10 (20 now)... I have tried the things people suggested here only to have the people I say hi to or make small talk with walk off with their friends giggling "ha did you see that retard in the wheelchair"...

So being excluded from everyone and everything has more or less destroyed my communication skills to the point where I have extreme social anxiety and dread talking to anyone out of fear of humiliation...

Yep.

junglist101

i second this. that is spectacularly stupid of them. however, ****heads will be ****heads no matter who you are, some ****head somewhere will find something to laugh at you about. my point being that everyone will always get stick for something from someone, so it's important to learn to deal with it. i know for sure, that i'd much prefer to be in a wheelchair than to be such a total *$%&*@. i don't think the whole talking to strangers for no reason thing really works, it never did for me. read an inspirational book like lance armstrongs. personally, as i said in an earlier post, i found paul mckennas book "instant confidence" extremely extremely helpful. it wasn't instant, but there was a big big change in my outlook.

Try to get out of your comfort zone and talk to people as much as you can.JasonDarksavior

getting out of your comfort zone, yes. for no reason, no. i don't think just talking to as many people as possible is a good idea. what will it achieve? i think it's much more productive to talk to people you know you have something in common with rather than strangers. like for instance, join a society/club of some sort, and then talk to those people...i don't think that doing random "hi my names xxxx" will get you anywhere

[QUOTE="Buttons1990"]

Eh, I have just learned to live with shyness/social awkwardness...

But mostly because I am in a wheelchair and have been socially ostracized since I was 10 (20 now)... I have tried the things people suggested here only to have the people I say hi to or make small talk with walk off with their friends giggling "ha did you see that retard in the wheelchair"...

So being excluded from everyone and everything has more or less destroyed my communication skills to the point where I have extreme social anxiety and dread talking to anyone out of fear of humiliation...

Yep.

paranoied624

you aint alone on this buddy, ive got a noticeable affliction that most people will say otherwise just to give me that extra boost of confidence, which is fine with me if it makes them feel better about it, but the bad experiences with people are always gonna outweigh the good because it comes with the territory, and because of that were the first ones to find out the hard way what human nature is really all about. ill treat people the way someone like me would want to be treated but im not gonna go out of my way to say more than 3 words to you just to get my point across.

generally imo, people=s***

that's not true. there's a lot of good going on on this planet. i'd say you're looking in the wrong places. so you have an affliction. don't forget for a second that everyone, absolutely everyone has crap to deal with. yours might be worse than others, but you'd be amazed at the skeletons and insecurities in peoples closet. so you can either lounge about and say how people are crap, or you can realise that you're probably far from the worst off person in the world, and in reality you're the only thing that's stopping you, by wallowing in your own misery..."our greatest fear is not that we are powerless, it's that we are powerful beyond measure"....it's hard to sympathise if you insist on being negative dude.

[QUOTE="JasonDarksavior"]Try to get out of your comfort zone and talk to people as much as you can.jpph

getting out of your comfort zone, yes. for no reason, no. i don't think just talking to as many people as possible is a good idea. what will it achieve? i think it's much more productive to talk to people you know you have something in common with rather than strangers. like for instance, join a society/club of some sort, and then talk to those people...i don't think that doing random "hi my names xxxx" will get you anywhere

[QUOTE="jpph"]

[QUOTE="JasonDarksavior"]Try to get out of your comfort zone and talk to people as much as you can.JasonDarksavior

getting out of your comfort zone, yes. for no reason, no. i don't think just talking to as many people as possible is a good idea. what will it achieve? i think it's much more productive to talk to people you know you have something in common with rather than strangers. like for instance, join a society/club of some sort, and then talk to those people...i don't think that doing random "hi my names xxxx" will get you anywhere

perhaps. but he might as well hold a conversation that he'll enjoy...and i think that the majority of the time a stranger isn't going to be very interested or friendly if someone randomly talks to them about the weather or something equally mundane. at least if he went to a game or something, they can talk about the game or the sport. and which will help him talk to people more: having an awkward conversation with a stranger just for the sake of having a conversation, and having to constantly think of something to talk about, or talking about something he cares about, his passion or whatever, with someone who is also interested and who can respond in kind?

get drunk before going out.

VaguelyTagged

[QUOTE="paranoied624"]

[QUOTE="Buttons1990"]

Eh, I have just learned to live with shyness/social awkwardness...

But mostly because I am in a wheelchair and have been socially ostracized since I was 10 (20 now)... I have tried the things people suggested here only to have the people I say hi to or make small talk with walk off with their friends giggling "ha did you see that retard in the wheelchair"...

So being excluded from everyone and everything has more or less destroyed my communication skills to the point where I have extreme social anxiety and dread talking to anyone out of fear of humiliation...

Yep.

jpph

you aint alone on this buddy, ive got a noticeable affliction that most people will say otherwise just to give me that extra boost of confidence, which is fine with me if it makes them feel better about it, but the bad experiences with people are always gonna outweigh the good because it comes with the territory, and because of that were the first ones to find out the hard way what human nature is really all about. ill treat people the way someone like me would want to be treated but im not gonna go out of my way to say more than 3 words to you just to get my point across.

generally imo, people=s***

that's not true. there's a lot of good going on on this planet. i'd say you're looking in the wrong places. so you have an affliction. don't forget for a second that everyone, absolutely everyone has crap to deal with. yours might be worse than others, but you'd be amazed at the skeletons and insecurities in peoples closet. so you can either lounge about and say how people are crap, or you can realise that you're probably far from the worst off person in the world, and in reality you're the only thing that's stopping you, by wallowing in your own misery..."our greatest fear is not that we are powerless, it's that we are powerful beyond measure"....it's hard to sympathise if you insist on being negative dude.

you can keep your sympathy, pity, remorse and give it to someone who actually wants it, all its givin me is even more of a negative nancy attitude. mutual respect is what i strive for whenever i socialize but dont think for a second i want the mofo with the self-righteous mind set trying to give me some lecture on self-esteem issues, that gets me just about nowhere in life and i find it pretty annoying that someone can try and dictate how i should feel about myself and people when they dont know the first thing about how the wheels turn in my head. the world around us shapes us into the people we need to be in order to survive, why should you say otherwise when all you have to work with is your own perception of reality if that is really something that you call your own?

[QUOTE="Wolls"]How did that technique not work, did you not say hello?Zensword

I did say hello to strangers.

Actually, this is a pretty good strategy but i feel you are missing something.

You're going to say hello to strangers for one week, just random persons, like in the bus or whatever, just like, hello.

After that week, you now go from hello, to hello how you are doing? or Hello lovely day isn't? or just some ramdon stuff, again, do it for a week, maybe more maybe less, depend on how confident you feel.

After that, now you are going to try to have a small conversation, do not necessarily talk to girls you like, again, just random people and random stuff and again for a week or for the time is necesary to eliminate that initial shyness.

Last step is trying to get this small conversations with girls you like and actually trying to turn this small conversations into you know bigger conversations.

Hopefully this will help you.

Walk around with a human skull as a conversation piece. Great icebreaker.22Toothpicks

You: Hello

Stranger: Hi

Awkward moment and then.

Stranger: So? what's with the skull

You: Oh this...you see...

Bamn, new friend made :D

[QUOTE="22Toothpicks"]Walk around with a human skull as a conversation piece. Great icebreaker.madsnakehhh

You: Hello

Stranger: Hi

Awkward moment and then.

Stranger: So? what's with the skull

You: Oh this...you see...

Bamn, new friend made :D

[QUOTE="jpph"]

[QUOTE="paranoied624"]

you aint alone on this buddy, ive got a noticeable affliction that most people will say otherwise just to give me that extra boost of confidence, which is fine with me if it makes them feel better about it, but the bad experiences with people are always gonna outweigh the good because it comes with the territory, and because of that were the first ones to find out the hard way what human nature is really all about. ill treat people the way someone like me would want to be treated but im not gonna go out of my way to say more than 3 words to you just to get my point across.

generally imo, people=s***

paranoied624

that's not true. there's a lot of good going on on this planet. i'd say you're looking in the wrong places. so you have an affliction. don't forget for a second that everyone, absolutely everyone has crap to deal with. yours might be worse than others, but you'd be amazed at the skeletons and insecurities in peoples closet. so you can either lounge about and say how people are crap, or you can realise that you're probably far from the worst off person in the world, and in reality you're the only thing that's stopping you, by wallowing in your own misery..."our greatest fear is not that we are powerless, it's that we are powerful beyond measure"....it's hard to sympathise if you insist on being negative dude.

you can keep your sympathy, pity, remorse and give it to someone who actually wants it, all its givin me is even more of a negative nancy attitude. mutual respect is what i strive for whenever i socialize but dont think for a second i want the mofo with the self-righteous mind set trying to give me some lecture on self-esteem issues, that gets me just about nowhere in life and i find it pretty annoying that someone can try and dictate how i should feel about myself and people when they dont know the first thing about how the wheels turn in my head. the world around us shapes us into the people we need to be in order to survive, why should you say otherwise when all you have to work with is your own perception of reality if that is really something that you call your own?

first off, i apologise for the sympathy comment, that comes across as pretty patronising. however you did sound very sorry for yourself. and i'm not self righteous (if you were referring to me). and i'm not lecturing anybody, all i'm saying is common sense. everybody has crap to deal with, learn to deal with yours, whatever it is. and i'm not telling you how to think, or pretending to know how you think...focusing on the "bad experiences" that outweigh your good ones is flat-out not a good idea. it's only going to **** you off. and that's not an assumption on how your brain works, everybody on the planet is going to feel worse if they think about their bad rather than good experiences. that's just science. and as for mutual respect, people who are going to judge you on your affliction clearly aren't the type to earn your respect, so it wouldn't be mutual anyway...and you can insult me, but what i said is true. and self esteem issues that get you nowhere....your problem (as you have presented it) is self esteem. so of course working on your self esteem will help, at least in one regard. it's easier to just say that everythings sucks though.

Well my first advice would be to look at people who aren't shy and look at all the differences. Being shy isn't always a bad thing, it can have some advantages. When it gets extreme you might want to do something about it. Luckily for you shyness tends to go away with age. Sadly for you your body wants to go hunt some girls -_-
I never got professional help but what helped me in the past is sitting on a couch and mentally noting 1 silly thing about every person passing by. You can start doing that with the TV while zapping and later move on to a couch in the park.

I'm within the 20 - 30 year range and I'm super shy but also have social anxiety and fear for new places. I can't sleep (for days) when I have an appointment with someone new. And when I get to meet the person I sometimes can't talk, think, or function at all.
So that's pretty extreme, and I should do something about it. Right now I have some other problems that have priority.
Still I don't mind it too much because being so self aware has taught me lots of stuff that I would have otherwise overlooked, and lots of self restraint/control and can be very harsh to myself. I'm almost never angry and I think most shy people become very good listeners. Because of being shy I naturally always look my best when going somewhere and rarely ever make mistakes in reallife. I don't like being talked to anyway, or having any kind of competition/discussion or conflict with humans. Because of my shyness I never did anything stupid as a kid and seeing my little brother and sister I'm kind of glad of it. Especially because of the cattitudes they developed.

I'm a very shy guy, and I'm lonely since no girls like a shy guy. A guy suggests me to say hello to 10 strangers I see everyday, I tried that but it didn't work. You have any techniques/tips to overcome shyness ?

A friend of mine once said to me that he's also shy sometimes. But I think his shyness is not as serious. I feel especially nervous when I'm at registers at supermarkets/fast food restaurants. I still emember a cashier laughed at me and said that I'm anxious.

Zensword

I'm usually pretty anxious as well because I suffer from anxiety. As for being shy, I have started to slowly become less shy. Just try to not care about what others think of you, be yourself, and treat others how you would like to be treated. Would you rather have a very pretty girl be shy and not want to talk to you or approach you? Maybe they are waiting for you to approach them. It will take some time, just practice on being more outgoing.

first off, i apologise for the sympathy comment, that comes across as pretty patronising. however you did sound very sorry for yourself. and i'm not self righteous (if you were referring to me). and i'm not lecturing anybody, all i'm saying is common sense. everybody has crap to deal with, learn to deal with yours, whatever it is. and i'm not telling you how to think, or pretending to know how you think...focusing on the "bad experiences" that outweigh your good ones is flat-out not a good idea. it's only going to **** you off. and that's not an assumption on how your brain works, everybody on the planet is going to feel worse if they think about their bad rather than good experiences. that's just science. and as for mutual respect, people who are going to judge you on your affliction clearly aren't the type to earn your respect, so it wouldn't be mutual anyway...and you can insult me, but what i said is true. and self esteem issues that get you nowhere....your problem (as you have presented it) is self esteem. so of course working on your self esteem will help, at least in one regard. it's easier to just say that everythings sucks though.

at this point now im going to try and not pass off as much of an A-hole as i probably did before. seeing as your trying pretty hard to make me understand about the downsides to pessimistic thinking from a disabled persons standpoint, ill give you the benefit of doubt that you clearly mean well by what you say, and i appreciate that to a degree. fact of the matter is i was not simply condoning the ideology of shunning humanity as a whole just because of a few "bad experiences" but that at a very early age people like us are more than likely to have a predisposition to exile ourselves from the more able-bodied groups simply because our physical limitations call for it, example: gym program, outdoor activity, ect. the point im trying to get at is theres reminders of our limitations everywhere we go, we cant escape it and theres no denying it, it rears its ugly head whenever we dress ourselves in the morning, cook ourselves something to eat, go to the bathroom, watch tv, take public transport or our own car, it shows when people catch a glimpse of us in public whether they can help it or not, and it even keeps us from getting a proper night of sleep no matter how bad we want it. it drives me absolutely bat-s*** crazy how some people i know throw their lives away through hard drugs and voluntarily cripple themselves only to become eligible for free money handouts from the government as a result of their own mistakes. what you may consider a cynical view on society i would consider a realistic outlook. now excuse me while i go wallow.